You recently bought a camera while travelling overseas. When you got to your destination you discovered that some important items were missing from the box. Write a letter to the local representative of the company. In your letter: - give details of the camera and where you bought it - explain what has happened - say what you want him/her to do about it
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing in the hope that you can help me with a problem regarding a camera that I recently bought. On 27 June, I purchased a Canon DSLR camera from the 'Heinemann Duty Free' store at Frankfurt Airport on my way from Moscow to Toronto. The camera cost $799 and I paid for it on my Visa credit card. When I arrived at my hotel in Toronto almost 24 hours later I discovered, to my horror, that the box which contained the camera did not include the battery charger. The space in the box for the charger was empty. I am now in Toronto and I am not returning to Frankfurt, so I need to get the missing parts here. As you are the representative of the company in this country I would be grateful if you could arrange for the parts to be sent to me. I attach a copy of the receipt with this letter for your information. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Ulrich Nielsen
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Make opening concise Original: a camera that I recently bought Suggested revision: my recent camera purchase Why it matters: This revision states the subject of the complaint more concisely.
- 2. Add introductory comma Original: 24 hours later I discovered Suggested revision: 24 hours later, I discovered Why it matters: A comma should separate the introductory time phrase from the main clause.
- 3. Moderate the tone Original: horror Suggested revision: concern Why it matters: This wording conveys the problem in a more measured formal tone.
- 4. Name the item Original: parts Suggested revision: charger Why it matters: Only one charger is identified as missing, so the singular specific noun is required.
- 5. Add clause comma Original: in this country I would Suggested revision: in this country, I would Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory dependent clause.
- 6. Keep item singular Original: parts Suggested revision: charger Why it matters: The request should consistently refer to the single missing battery charger.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: I attach a copy of the receipt with this letter for your information. Suggested revision: I have enclosed a copy of the receipt for your reference. Why it matters: This is a more conventional and concise way to mention an enclosure in a formal complaint.
- 8. Separate letter sections Suggested revision: Use separate paragraphs for the purchase details, the missing charger, and the requested solution. Why it matters: Paragraphing would make the progression through the three task points clearer.
Suggested Rewrites
- a camera that I recently bought my recent camera purchase
- 24 hours later I discovered 24 hours later, I discovered
- horror concern
- parts charger
- in this country I would in this country, I would
- parts charger
Why this response received Band 8.0
The letter communicates its purpose immediately and supports every requested point with precise purchase details, a clear account of the missing charger, and a courteous, practical request. Language is varied, accurate, and consistently appropriate for a formal complaint, while the presentation would benefit from clearer paragraph separation. The main refinement is to group the purchase, problem, and requested remedy into distinct paragraphs and keep references to the missing item consistently singular.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The communicative purpose is fully achieved through detailed purchase information, a precise explanation of the problem, and a suitably courteous request for action.
Refer consistently to the single missing charger rather than switching to the plural parts when stating the requested remedy.
Coherence and Cohesion
The message is logically sequenced and cohesive relationships are handled naturally, although the response is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Separate the purchase details, discovery of the problem, and requested solution into distinct functional paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural, with effective formal expressions used throughout the complaint.
Maintain the same precision by using the missing charger instead of the broader phrase missing parts.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of simple and complex structures is used accurately, with only minor punctuation refinements needed.
Add commas after long introductory dependent clauses to make the sentence boundaries even clearer.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You recently bought a camera while travelling overseas. When you got to your destination you discovered that some important items were missing from the box. Write a letter to the local representative of the company. In your letter:
- give details of the camera and where you bought it
- explain what has happened
- say what you want him/her to do about it
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.