You took an elderly member of your family, who was not able to walk properly, to a museum and he/she faced a few problems. Write a letter to the manager of the museum. In your letter: - say why you visited the museum - describe the problems you faced - suggest what can be done to avoid those problems
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam,
I have recently visited your museum with my elderly aunt who is about 80 years old, and the main purpose of the visit was to see some of the rare artefacts from medieval Europe. Besides, we visited the museum also because my aunt wanted to see the wartime uniform from the 2nd World War. By the way, seeing those wartime uniforms was especially important for my aunt because it is in those uniforms that she saw her father for the last time before his death on the battlefield.
Anyway, while everything was great at your museum, my elderly aunt had some problems moving around your museum on foot because of its rather large size. After all, she is about 80 years old and can not walk properly. Besides, the steps in the stairs that visitors use to see the items that were stacked up high above the ground were a bit too steep for my elderly aunt to walk.
So, to deal with these movement issues, providing wheelchairs and a separate wooden staircase that is not too steep for the elderly people would go a long way to help elderly people like my aunt.
Thank you in advance.
Yours faithfully,
Jamie Goldsmith
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use simple past Original: have recently visited Suggested revision: recently visited Why it matters: The simple past is more direct for this completed visit.
- 2. Improve adverb position Original: visited the museum also because Suggested revision: also visited the museum because Why it matters: Placing “also” before the main verb gives the clause more natural word order.
- 3. Use formal transition Original: By the way Suggested revision: More importantly Why it matters: This transition better signals an important reason in a formal complaint letter.
- 4. Use formal contrast Original: Anyway Suggested revision: However Why it matters: “However” introduces the problems more appropriately in a formal letter.
- 5. Join this word Original: can not Suggested revision: cannot Why it matters: The standard spelling of this modal negative is one word.
- 6. Fix stair phrase Original: steps in the stairs Suggested revision: steps on the staircases Why it matters: Steps are located on staircases, so the original preposition and noun combination is inaccurate.
- 7. Describe exhibits precisely Original: stacked up high above the ground Suggested revision: displayed high above the ground Why it matters: Museum items are normally described as displayed rather than stacked.
- 8. Use correct movement Original: walk Suggested revision: climb Why it matters: A person climbs steep steps rather than walks them.
- 9. Use visitor-focused wording Original: the elderly people Suggested revision: elderly visitors Why it matters: This concise phrase is more natural and directly relevant to museum access.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: seeing those wartime uniforms was especially important for my aunt because it is in those uniforms that she saw her father for the last time before his death on the battlefield. Suggested revision: seeing those wartime uniforms was especially important to my aunt because they reminded her of the last time she saw her father before his death on the battlefield. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the illogical suggestion that she saw her father inside the uniforms.
Suggested Rewrites
- have recently visited recently visited
- visited the museum also because also visited the museum because
- By the way More importantly
- Anyway However
- can not cannot
- steps in the stairs steps on the staircases
Why this response received Band 7.5
The letter fully covers the visit, the mobility difficulties, and practical remedies, while maintaining a suitably respectful tone. Its main limitation is repeated reference to the aunt and some imprecise or awkward phrasing around the stairs and displays. The highest-priority improvement is to express the access problems and proposed changes more concisely and precisely, using smoother formal transitions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are fully addressed, and the formal tone is appropriate throughout.
Make the proposed access improvements more specific by explaining where a gentler staircase or wheelchair service should be provided.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through the reason for visiting, the problems encountered, and the proposed solutions, with clear paragraphing.
Replace conversational linkers such as “By the way” and “Anyway” with more formal, unobtrusive transitions.
Lexical Resource
The letter uses a good range of relevant vocabulary, including precise items such as “artefacts,” “battlefield,” and “wheelchairs,” despite some repetition and awkward combinations.
Reduce repetition of “elderly aunt” and refine imprecise phrases such as “steps in the stairs” and “stacked up high.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentence structures is used with generally strong control, and the few grammatical lapses do not impede meaning.
Improve accuracy in complex clauses, especially the sentence explaining the aunt’s memory of her father in wartime uniform.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You took an elderly member of your family, who was not able to walk properly, to a museum and he/she faced a few problems. Write a letter to the manager of the museum. In your letter:
- say why you visited the museum
- describe the problems you faced
- suggest what can be done to avoid those problems
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.