You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment a year ago. You left the apartment last month in good condition, but the landlord won’t return your deposit. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter: - introduce yourself and say why you are writing - ask for the return of your deposit - inform the landlord of possible action if he/she does not agree to refund the amount
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Dear Mr Singh,
I am writing to express my concern thatexpress my deep concern that one month after moving out of your apartment, my deposit has still not been refunded.
To introduce myselfTo let you know about myself, I was a tenantAlok Singh was a tenant of your property in Baner, Puneyour Baner, Pune property for almost one year and vacated itand then vacated the place last month. After moving out, I was expectingAfter leaving, I was expecting my security depositcollateral amount, Rs 75,000Rs. 75000, which I paid when I rented the residencewhen renting the residence, to be returned to me within a week.
HoweverBut, it has been a month, and I have not received my money. I would be grateful if you could returnif you return my security deposit as soon as possible as I have foundgot new accommodation in Mumbai and havehas to pay the deposit to my new landlordnew property owner.
I kindly request you to return my security depositrefundable amount immediately. Otherwise, I willElse I will be left with no alternative but to take legal action as it is clearly stated in the agreement that the deposit must be returned within a week after the tenant vacates the propertyafter leaving the property.
I look forward to receiving my full depositfull deposit money.
Best regards, Alok SinghBest Regards,
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly states its purpose, covers the requested points, and maintains an appropriately firm tone, with the legal consequence supported by the rental agreement. Its main limitation is uneven language control, including awkward word choices, a third-person self-introduction, and several agreement or conditional errors. The highest priority is to revise these sentences into accurate, natural first-person formal English while reducing repetition around the refund request.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear, all three bullet points are addressed, and the firm but polite tone suits a letter to a landlord.
Strengthen the case for a full refund by explicitly noting that the apartment was left in good condition.
Coherence and Cohesion
The letter progresses logically from the delayed refund to the request and possible legal action, with clear paragraphing.
Use smoother transitions and combine repeated refund requests so that the progression feels less mechanical.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the situation, but expressions such as collateral amount and refundable amount are awkward in this context.
Use precise, consistent terms such as security deposit, landlord, and return or refund throughout.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the message clearly, although agreement and conditional errors recur.
Correct forms such as I would be grateful if you returned and I have to pay, and keep the self-introduction in the first person.