You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment a year ago. You left the apartment last month in good condition but the landlord won't return your deposit. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter: - introduce yourself and say why you are writing - ask for the return of your deposit - inform the landlord of possible action if he/she does not agree to refund the amount
Sample Response
Dear Mr Clive, I hope you and your family are doing well. My name is Louis Fabian, and I rented one of your apartments on Jenkins Avenue and lived there for a year before leaving the place last month. Anyway, the reason, for which, I am writing this letter to you is that even though I left the apartment in good condition, I did not receive my money, as per the leasing agreement, which was paid to you as a refundable deposit when I rented your apartment. Of course, not receiving the refundable deposit from you is frustrating enough for me, but even more frustrating is the fact that you did not care to specify any possible reasons as to why I should not get my deposit back. And since you failed to give me any reason whatsoever as to why I should not get my deposit back, it is only fair that you refund my money to me without any delay. But, if you are not willing to cooperate with me on this, I am afraid that I will have to take legal action against you to decide the matter in court. Yours sincerely, Louis Fabian
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove the opening conjunction Original: And since Suggested revision: Since Why it matters: Starting directly with “Since” creates a cleaner formal transition.
- 2. Keep the tone measured Original: reason whatsoever Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: Removing the emphatic word keeps the complaint firm but professional.
- 3. Name the deposit precisely Original: refund my money to me Suggested revision: refund my deposit Why it matters: This wording is more concise and identifies the requested payment exactly.
- 4. Use a formal transition Original: But, Suggested revision: However, Why it matters: This transition introduces the consequence in a more formal register.
- 5. Use professional wording Original: cooperate with me on this Suggested revision: resolve this matter Why it matters: This phrase sounds more precise and less confrontational in a formal complaint.
- 6. Clarify the legal action Original: to decide the matter in court Suggested revision: and pursue the matter in court Why it matters: The revised coordination makes the intended legal consequence grammatically and logically clear.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Anyway, the reason, for which, I am writing this letter to you is that even though I left the apartment in good condition, I did not receive my money, as per the leasing agreement, which was paid to you as a refundable deposit when I rented your apartment. Suggested revision: I am writing because, although I left the apartment in good condition, I have not received the refundable deposit that I paid under the tenancy agreement. Why it matters: The rewrite removes incorrect commas and makes the deposit, rather than the money, the clear object that was paid.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Of course, not receiving the refundable deposit from you is frustrating enough for me, but even more frustrating is the fact that you did not care to specify any possible reasons as to why I should not get my deposit back. Suggested revision: I am frustrated not only by the failure to return my deposit but also by the lack of any explanation for withholding it. Why it matters: The rewrite preserves the complaint while making it more concise and professionally worded.
- 9. Separate the letter stages Suggested revision: Use separate paragraphs for the rental background, the refund request, and the possible legal action. Why it matters: Dividing these functions would make the progression of the letter easier to follow.
Suggested Rewrites
- And since Since
- reason whatsoever reason
- refund my money to me refund my deposit
- But, However,
- cooperate with me on this resolve this matter
- to decide the matter in court and pursue the matter in court
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter’s strongest feature is its unmistakable purpose: it identifies the tenancy, requests the deposit, and states a clear consequence if payment is withheld. The main limitation is repetitive, densely packed development, especially the repeated explanations about receiving the deposit, which makes the tone less controlled. The highest priority is to divide the message into purposeful paragraphs and state the justification and requested action once, concisely and professionally.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are fully addressed with a clear request, relevant tenancy details, and an appropriate warning of legal action.
Maintain a firm but more measured tone by replacing emotionally charged wording with a concise reference to the agreement and repayment deadline.
Coherence and Cohesion
The message follows a sensible sequence, but one-block presentation, repetition of the same deposit point, and overlong sentences reduce cohesion and readability.
Use separate paragraphs for the background, refund request, and proposed action, removing repeated explanations of why the deposit is due.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and generally precise for a formal complaint, though several expressions are wordy or awkwardly emphatic.
Prefer concise legal and tenancy language, replacing phrases such as ‘any reason whatsoever’ and ‘decide the matter in court’ with more natural alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a broad range of complex structures with generally good control, but intrusive commas and heavily embedded clauses sometimes make sentences cumbersome.
Simplify the longest sentences and correct unnecessary comma separation, particularly around relative clauses and introductory phrases.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You paid a refundable deposit when you rented an apartment a year ago. You left the apartment last month in good condition but the landlord won't return your deposit. Write a letter to the landlord. In your letter:
- introduce yourself and say why you are writing
- ask for the return of your deposit
- inform the landlord of possible action if he/she does not agree to refund the amount
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.