You recently attended a conference and you would like to give a presentation in your office about the information you gained by attending the conference. Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter: - describe what type of presentation you have in mind - what topics it would cover and how long it would take - who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted
Sample Response
Dear Mr Martin, I am writing this letter to ask for your kind permission in order to make a presentation in our office for the purpose of sharing some important information. It is worth mentioning that I learned about the information by attending a conference a few days ago that talked about "strategies to meet project deadlines" in a very eloquent and elaborated manner. Anyway, the conference had continued for almost three hours since a good number of experts and experienced professionals attended it and exchanged their views and opinions on this very important issue. But, as far as I am concerned, in my presentation, I would mostly cover the subject of planning effectively to meet the deadlines and how important it is for us to finish our projects in time. In other words, my presentation would mostly deal with the issues we can address to complete our projects in time. By the way, I would like to conduct this presentation in our meeting room, and anybody can attend this if they feel interested. Hope you will permit me to conduct the presentation which deals with an important issue. Yours sincerely, Rudy Robinson
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. State the request directly Original: your kind permission in order to make Suggested revision: permission to give Why it matters: Permission to give a presentation is the concise and natural construction.
- 2. Remove empty framing Original: It is worth mentioning that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This phrase delays the relevant conference information without adding meaning.
- 3. Use a natural collocation Original: learned about the information Suggested revision: gained this information Why it matters: Information is gained or learned, but one does not learn about the information in this context.
- 4. Fix the conference reference Original: a conference a few days ago that talked about Suggested revision: a conference a few days ago on Why it matters: A conference does not literally talk, and on introduces its subject correctly.
- 5. Use concise description Original: in a very eloquent and elaborated manner Suggested revision: in detail Why it matters: Elaborated is not the appropriate adjective here, and the original phrase is unnecessarily inflated.
- 6. Remove informal transition Original: Anyway, the conference Suggested revision: The conference Why it matters: Anyway is too conversational and does not express a logical relationship in a letter to a manager.
- 7. Use simple past duration Original: had continued for almost three hours Suggested revision: lasted almost three hours Why it matters: Lasted in the simple past is the natural verb for the completed event's duration.
- 8. Avoid false cause Original: since a good number of Suggested revision: and many Why it matters: The attendance of professionals is an additional detail, not a clear cause of the conference length.
- 9. Remove redundant categories Original: experts and experienced professionals Suggested revision: experienced professionals Why it matters: Experts and experienced professionals substantially overlap in meaning here.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: their views and opinions Suggested revision: their views Why it matters: Views already includes the idea of opinions.
- 11. Introduce the topic directly Original: But, as far as I am concerned, in my presentation Suggested revision: In my presentation Why it matters: The original linkers are unnecessary and obscure the shift to the proposed content.
- 12. Use deadline phrasing Original: in Suggested revision: on Why it matters: On time means by the required deadline, which matches the stated topic.
Suggested Rewrites
- your kind permission in order to make permission to give
- It is worth mentioning that Delete
- learned about the information gained this information
- a conference a few days ago that talked about a conference a few days ago on
- in a very eloquent and elaborated manner in detail
- Anyway, the conference The conference
Why this response received Band 6.0
The letter has a clear request, a suitable topic, a proposed venue, and a generally respectful tone, with relevant explanation of how deadline planning could help colleagues. Its main limitation is task coverage: it gives the three-hour conference duration instead of stating how long the proposed presentation would take, and the intended audience remains vague. Prioritise specifying a presentation length, a defined participant group, and a practical format.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose, topic, venue, and broad audience are covered, but the presentation type is vague and its required duration is missing.
Propose a specific format and length, such as a 30-minute slide presentation for project managers and team members in the meeting room.
Coherence and Cohesion
The request develops in a generally logical order, but one long paragraph, repetition about deadlines, and loosely used linkers weaken progression.
Use short paragraphs for the request, presentation content and duration, and participants and venue, removing repeated explanations.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is adequate for the workplace context, but several expressions are wordy, repetitive, or unnatural.
Replace 'eloquent and elaborated manner' and repeated 'important issue' with concise phrases such as 'practical strategies' and 'meeting project deadlines'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentences is attempted, but tense choices, punctuation, article use, and some clause constructions are not consistently accurate.
Use direct forms such as 'The conference lasted three hours', 'Anyone interested may attend', and 'I hope you will approve my request'.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You recently attended a conference and you would like to give a presentation in your office about the information you gained by attending the conference. Write a letter to your manager asking for permission to give a presentation. In your letter:
- describe what type of presentation you have in mind
- what topics it would cover and how long it would take
- who should participate in the presentation and where should it be conducted
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.