You have seen an advertisement inviting candidates to apply for a sales manager position. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter: - state your interest in the position - describe your educational background - describe your relevant experience
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have recently noticed an advertisement in the Weekly Times magazine that announces a job vacancy for the position of sales manager in your company. I am writing to offer myself as a deserving candidate for the post. I have been working in Cubical Property and Resource Management as a senior marketing officer for the last three years and my total experience in this field accounts for approximately 6 years. I have completed my B.Com from the University of Leeds with a distinction and then completed M.B.A from Cardiff University. As a commerce major, I started my professional life in the arena of marketing and I truly enjoy this challenging position. I have been in the marketing sector ever after I left university. I am enclosing my curriculum vitae that outlines my academic and professional profile in details for your kind consideration. I am driven by passion, goal and integrity. I will surely be a valuable asset to your company and would like to discuss my candidacy for the post in person. I can be reached at +44 020 6534 anytime you wish.
Yours faithfully, Oliver Gill
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: advertisement in the Weekly Times magazine that announces Suggested revision: advertisement in the Weekly Times announcing Why it matters: The participle form expresses the same idea more concisely and naturally.
- 2. Use professional wording Original: offer myself as a deserving candidate Suggested revision: apply as a qualified candidate Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and sounds self-congratulatory in a job application.
- 3. Correct collocation Original: accounts for approximately 6 years Suggested revision: amounts to approximately six years Why it matters: Experience amounts to a duration rather than accounts for it in this context.
- 4. Use degree collocation Original: completed my B.Com from Suggested revision: earned my B.Com at Why it matters: Degrees are normally earned at an institution rather than completed from one.
- 5. Add article Original: then completed M.B.A from Cardiff University Suggested revision: then earned an M.B.A. from Cardiff University Why it matters: The qualification needs an article, and earned is the natural verb here.
- 6. Use natural term Original: arena Suggested revision: field Why it matters: Field is the standard professional term for an area of work.
- 7. Correct time phrase Original: after Suggested revision: since Why it matters: Ever since correctly links a past starting point to the present.
- 8. Use singular form Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed expression is in detail, with the singular noun.
- 9. Choose personal quality Original: goal Suggested revision: ambition Why it matters: Goal refers to an objective, while ambition names the personal quality intended here.
- 10. Use direct wording Original: have recently noticed Suggested revision: recently saw Why it matters: Saw is more direct and natural when referring to a job advertisement.
- 11. Remove wordiness Original: job vacancy for the position of sales manager Suggested revision: vacancy for a sales manager Why it matters: Vacancy already expresses that a position is available, so the longer wording is redundant.
- 12. Emphasise relevance Original: my total experience in this field Suggested revision: my total relevant experience Why it matters: Relevant experience links the stated duration more directly to the advertised role.
Suggested Rewrites
- advertisement in the Weekly Times magazine that announces advertisement in the Weekly Times announcing
- offer myself as a deserving candidate apply as a qualified candidate
- accounts for approximately 6 years amounts to approximately six years
- completed my B.Com from earned my B.Com at
- then completed M.B.A from Cardiff University then earned an M.B.A. from Cardiff University
- arena field
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response's strongest feature is its complete, relevant account of the applicant's interest, commerce qualifications, and six years of marketing experience in a suitably formal letter. Its main limitation is imprecise professional wording, with phrases such as "offer myself as a deserving candidate" and "experience accounts for" sounding unnatural or overly assertive. The priority is to present specific managerial achievements in concise, idiomatic application language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The letter clearly states interest and covers education and relevant experience with appropriate detail, though the claim of suitability is not supported by a concrete achievement.
Add one brief example of a sales or marketing result that demonstrates readiness for the managerial role.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information is easy to follow from application purpose through experience, education, and closing request, but the body is not divided into functional paragraphs.
Separate qualifications, professional experience, and availability into concise paragraphs to make the application easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of employment vocabulary, but several collocations are unnatural, including "offer myself," "accounts for six years," and "in details."
Use professional phrases such as "apply for the position," "have six years of experience," and "provides details of."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is handled clearly, although article, tense, preposition, and noun-form errors occur in several sentences.
Proofread qualification and experience phrases, especially "an MBA," "since leaving university," and "in detail."
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have seen an advertisement inviting candidates to apply for a sales manager position. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter:
- state your interest in the position
- describe your educational background
- describe your relevant experience
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.