Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school. In your letter: - ask whether the school will accept your son - describe his academic achievements - describe his interests
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to seek your kind permission for the admission of my son to your school in grade eight. And the reason for asking this is that my whole family, including my son, will be moving into your town next June. So, naturally, my son will not be able to continue in his old school. By the way, I have already learned a great deal about your school as to how it always sticks to its policies of maintaining a very high educational standard, and how it gets involved with the community members and parents so that they (community members and parents) can always keep an eye on their children. And as for my son, he is a top-class student with a very keen mind for learning. Last year he scored 95% in his grade six final exams. Over the years, he has been an active member of a debate club in his school. On top of that, he also used to be a regular member of his school's football team. So, based on my son’s credentials above, I would like to request you to offer my son admission into your school. Thank you in advance for your consideration. Yours faithfully, David Garfield
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use direct connection Original: And the reason for asking this is that Suggested revision: This is because Why it matters: A direct connector is more concise and appropriate in a formal letter.
- 2. Use correct collocation Original: into Suggested revision: to Why it matters: People “move to” a town rather than “move into” it.
- 3. Keep formal register Original: By the way Suggested revision: I understand that Why it matters: This informal transition is unsuitable for a formal letter to a principal.
- 4. Simplify awkward wording Original: as to how it always sticks to its policies of maintaining Suggested revision: and understand that it maintains Why it matters: The revision expresses the school’s standards more directly and naturally.
- 5. Remove repeated referent Original: (community members and parents) Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: The parenthetical unnecessarily repeats the immediately preceding nouns.
- 6. Use formal wording Original: keep an eye on their children Suggested revision: support their children’s progress Why it matters: The proposed phrase fits the formal educational context more precisely.
- 7. Use formal description Original: top-class student Suggested revision: high-achieving student Why it matters: “High-achieving” is more precise and formal when describing academic performance.
- 8. Show continuing involvement Original: used to be a regular member Suggested revision: has also been a member Why it matters: “Used to be” implies the activity has ended, conflicting with the letter’s presentation of his current interests.
- 9. Correct admission phrase Original: into Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The standard collocation is “admission to” a school.
- 10. Use formal connector Original: So, naturally, Suggested revision: Therefore, Why it matters: The formal connector states the consequence more concisely.
- 11. Clarify current school Original: continue in his old school Suggested revision: continue at his current school Why it matters: “At his current school” is the more natural and precise phrase.
- 12. Use plural standards Original: a very high educational standard Suggested revision: very high educational standards Why it matters: The plural noun is more natural when referring broadly to a school’s quality expectations.
Suggested Rewrites
- And the reason for asking this is that This is because
- into to
- By the way I understand that
- as to how it always sticks to its policies of maintaining and understand that it maintains
- (community members and parents) Delete
- keep an eye on their children support their children’s progress
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter communicates its formal purpose clearly and supports the admission request with relevant evidence about the son's academic record and extracurricular interests. Its main weakness is a wordy, partly irrelevant discussion of the school's reputation, alongside mechanical transitions and limited paragraphing. Focus on organising the three requested points into distinct paragraphs and expressing each one more directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The admission request, academic achievement, and interests are all addressed clearly in an appropriately formal letter.
Replace the lengthy general praise of the school with more precise information about the son's suitability and current educational situation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically, but the single body paragraph and repeated sentence-initial linkers make the organisation feel mechanical.
Group the reason for writing, academic record, and interests into separate paragraphs with subtler transitions.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficiently varied formal vocabulary, though some phrases are wordy or not fully idiomatic.
Prefer concise collocations such as apply for admission and maintain high academic standards.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex sentences is handled accurately overall, with only occasional awkward constructions.
Reduce chains introduced by And or So and recast the long sentence about school policies for cleaner grammatical control.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school. In your letter:
- ask whether the school will accept your son
- describe his academic achievements
- describe his interests
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.