Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school. In your letter: - ask whether the school will accept your son - describe his academic achievements - describe his interests
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the possibility of accepting my 14 years old son in grade 7 at your school as we are planning to move to Aden city next month. I would appreciate it if you could assist in the enrolment procedure. I have searched many schools in Aden and found yours the most appropriate to take my son to. My son 'Abir' is a diligent student and his academic records are excellent so far. He scored 93% in his final exam in grade 7. His current teachers and friends admire him very much. Besides, he participates in different school activities spontaneously. He likes art and participated in many traditional occasions organized by local education authorities in Sana'a. Sport is his favourite hobby and he has always been an active member of the school's sports team. It would be so kind of you if you accept him in your school in early June 2020 and let him join the class at the beginning of the calendar year. I will be grateful if you support him to be accepted into your esteemed school. Yours faithfully, Abdalwhab Mansur
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Hyphenate age adjective Original: 14 years old son Suggested revision: 14-year-old son Why it matters: An age used before a noun forms a singular hyphenated compound adjective.
- 2. Correct admission phrase Original: in grade 7 at your school Suggested revision: for Grade 7 at your school Why it matters: An application is made for a grade level, and the formal label is capitalised.
- 3. Use place name Original: Aden city Suggested revision: Aden Why it matters: The established place name is sufficient without the generic noun city.
- 4. Use natural request Original: assist in the enrolment procedure Suggested revision: advise me on the enrolment process Why it matters: Advise me on the process is a more natural way to request procedural guidance.
- 5. Clarify school choice Original: found yours the most appropriate to take my son to Suggested revision: found yours the most suitable for my son Why it matters: The original ending is awkward and less appropriate for a formal enquiry.
- 6. Punctuate the name Original: My son 'Abir' Suggested revision: My son, Abir, Why it matters: A person's name in apposition is set off with commas rather than quotation marks.
- 7. Use singular record Original: his academic records are excellent Suggested revision: his academic record is excellent Why it matters: Academic record is normally singular when referring to one student's overall performance.
- 8. Use natural activity phrase Original: different school activities spontaneously Suggested revision: various school activities actively Why it matters: Spontaneously does not clearly describe sustained participation in organised school activities.
- 9. Align verb tenses Original: He likes art and participated Suggested revision: He enjoys art and has participated Why it matters: The present preference and continuing record of participation require compatible verb forms.
- 10. Use event collocation Original: traditional occasions Suggested revision: cultural events Why it matters: Cultural events is the more natural term for organised occasions involving traditional art.
- 11. Use polite conditional Original: if you accept him Suggested revision: if you could accept him Why it matters: Could makes the formal request appropriately tentative and agrees with would in the main clause.
- 12. Correct admission preposition Original: in Suggested revision: into Why it matters: A student is accepted into a school rather than accepted in it.
Suggested Rewrites
- 14 years old son 14-year-old son
- in grade 7 at your school for Grade 7 at your school
- Aden city Aden
- assist in the enrolment procedure advise me on the enrolment process
- found yours the most appropriate to take my son to found yours the most suitable for my son
- My son 'Abir' My son, Abir,
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter has a clear formal purpose and supports the admission request with specific academic results, extracurricular participation, art interests and sports involvement. Its main weakness is uneven precision: the grade and joining-date details are internally confusing, while several collocations and grammatical forms sound unnatural. Prioritize a single, unambiguous admission request followed by clearly grouped achievements and interests in separate paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are covered with relevant specific detail and a suitable formal tone, but the grade level and proposed start date are not fully consistent.
State the intended grade and admission date once and ensure the son's current academic information aligns with that request.
Coherence and Cohesion
The content follows a logical request-achievements-interests sequence, though the single paragraph and repeated acceptance requests reduce cohesion.
Use separate paragraphs for the enquiry, academic record, interests and final request, avoiding repetition of the admission purpose.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate for school admission and achievements, but several choices such as 'take my son to' and 'participated spontaneously' are awkward.
Use precise school-admission collocations such as 'enrol my son,' 'academic record,' 'takes part regularly,' and 'consider his application.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but errors in age expressions, verb patterns, conditionals and prepositions recur.
Correct forms such as '14-year-old son,' 'if you would accept him,' and 'admit him to the school,' then check tense consistency.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
Your family is going to move to another town. Write a letter to the Principal of a local school. In your letter:
- ask whether the school will accept your son
- describe his academic achievements
- describe his interests
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.