You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information: - what kind of business you want to start - how much money you need - the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inquire about the possibility of a business loan from your bank to finance a startup business I have planned to commence soon. I am hoping you would provide me with some information and document requirements so that I can apply for the loan. I have completed my graduation from the University of Edison and my major was marketing. Now I am interested to start a coffee shop of my own and need a loan to support it. I own the location of the shop and have some prior experience of working at a large coffee shop. A business outlining firm responsible for the business plan has suggested a capital requirement of $10,000 for the coffee shop. I can finance 50% of the fund requirement and need another $5000 as a loan from your bank. My father would be ready to be a guarantor for the loan and I can repay the loan amount with interest within 2 years. However, I need three months' grace period before I start repaying my monthly instalment. I would really appreciate it if you could send me details of the loan including the interest rates, monthly instalment amount and so on. Also, forward me the documents I need to fill in and submit to actually apply for the loan. Yours faithfully, James Moore
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise business wording Original: a startup business I have planned to commence soon Suggested revision: a new business I plan to launch soon Why it matters: Launch a new business is more natural and concise than the original construction.
- 2. Use a direct polite request Original: I am hoping you would provide Suggested revision: I hope you can provide Why it matters: The present request requires a consistent present modal rather than the mismatched progressive and conditional forms.
- 3. Clarify the requested information Original: some information and document requirements Suggested revision: information about the required documents Why it matters: The revision clearly asks what documents the loan application requires.
- 4. Use the correct verb Original: completed my graduation from Suggested revision: graduated from Why it matters: Graduate from is the standard construction for completing a university degree.
- 5. Use the active form Original: my major was marketing Suggested revision: I majored in marketing Why it matters: Majored in directly and naturally states the field of study.
- 6. Use gerund after interested Original: interested to start Suggested revision: interested in starting Why it matters: Interested takes the preposition in followed by a gerund.
- 7. Name the premises clearly Original: own the location of the shop Suggested revision: own the premises for the shop Why it matters: A person owns premises or property rather than a location.
- 8. Use concise experience phrasing Original: some prior experience of working Suggested revision: prior experience working Why it matters: Experience can be followed directly by a gerund without of.
- 9. Name the firm clearly Original: A business outlining firm responsible for the business plan Suggested revision: A business-planning firm Why it matters: Business outlining firm is not an established term and the added responsibility clause is redundant.
- 10. Complete the suggested clause Original: a capital requirement of $10,000 Suggested revision: that $10,000 in startup capital is required Why it matters: Suggest requires a that-clause here to state the firm's estimate grammatically.
- 11. Use clear finance wording Original: 50% of the fund requirement Suggested revision: half of the required capital Why it matters: Required capital is the natural term for the total amount needed to start the business.
- 12. Format the amount Original: $5000 Suggested revision: $5,000 Why it matters: A comma should separate the thousands in this monetary amount.
Suggested Rewrites
- a startup business I have planned to commence soon a new business I plan to launch soon
- I am hoping you would provide I hope you can provide
- some information and document requirements information about the required documents
- completed my graduation from graduated from
- my major was marketing I majored in marketing
- interested to start interested in starting
Why this response received Band 7.0
The letter clearly identifies the proposed coffee shop, requests the exact $5,000 needed, and specifies repayment within two years after a three-month grace period. Its strongest feature is the detailed, credible financial context and focused request for loan information. The main limitation is occasional awkward collocation and a slightly abrupt imperative near the end; prioritise more natural formal phrasing and consistently courteous requests.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The purpose and all three required details are fully addressed, with relevant supporting information and an appropriately formal overall tone.
Rephrase the final request more politely and specify that the applicant seeks the application forms and eligibility requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information progresses logically from the loan enquiry through business background, funding needs, repayment terms, and requested documents.
Divide the letter into focused paragraphs for the business, financing and repayment, and the final information request.
Lexical Resource
The response uses relevant business and banking vocabulary, but several collocations are unnatural or imprecise.
Replace 'completed my graduation', 'interested to start', and 'business outlining firm' with 'graduated', 'interested in starting', and 'business-planning consultancy'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally accurate, with occasional errors in articles, verb complementation, and request forms.
Use forms such as 'a three-month grace period' and 'I would also be grateful if you could send me the required application documents'.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information:
- what kind of business you want to start
- how much money you need
- the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.