You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information: - what kind of business you want to start - how much money you need - the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Sample Response
Dear Sir or Madam, I have been dealing with your bank for a long time, and I think it is time to take our business relationship to the next level. Anyway, I am writing this letter to you because I need a term loan as I am planning to start a small business within the next few months. Concerning the business I have in my mind, it is going to be a bakery factory where I am intending to bake all kinds of bread and cakes and then supply them to the neighbouring cities to maximize my sales and revenue. By the way, I have already done some cost calculations and based on it, I would require about $7,500 to start the business. Of course, I also have a little bit of my own money which would help me cover some of the other expenses for starting this business. Anyway, I want it to be a short term loan. So, please structure my loan payment in such a way so that I am able to pay it back within 2 years as equated monthly installation. I hope to hear a positive reply from you soon. Yours faithfully, Joseph Abraham
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use banking phrase Original: dealing with your bank Suggested revision: banking with your institution Why it matters: This is a more natural and suitably formal way to describe the existing relationship.
- 2. Use formal purpose Original: take our business relationship to the next level Suggested revision: seek your support for my new business Why it matters: The original phrase is promotional and too informal for a loan enquiry.
- 3. Remove casual linker Original: Anyway, I am writing Suggested revision: I am writing Why it matters: "Anyway" is too conversational and does not provide a logical transition.
- 4. Clarify reason Original: term loan as I am planning Suggested revision: term loan because I plan Why it matters: The direct causal construction is clearer and more concise.
- 5. Use fixed phrase Original: business I have in my mind Suggested revision: business I have in mind Why it matters: The standard expression is "have in mind" without "my."
- 6. Use commercial bakery Original: bakery factory Suggested revision: commercial bakery Why it matters: "Commercial bakery" naturally describes a business producing baked goods for distribution.
- 7. Use simple intention Original: where I am intending Suggested revision: where I intend Why it matters: The simple present is more concise for a stated plan.
- 8. Remove informal aside Original: By the way, Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This casual aside weakens the professional tone of the financial request.
- 9. Use cost estimates Original: calculations Suggested revision: estimates Why it matters: "Cost estimates" is the natural business term for projected start-up expenses.
- 10. Fix pronoun agreement Original: it Suggested revision: them Why it matters: The pronoun refers to the plural calculations or estimates.
- 11. Use own funds Original: a little bit of my own money Suggested revision: some of my own funds Why it matters: This is more concise and appropriate for a formal banking letter.
- 12. Use polite request Original: Anyway, I want Suggested revision: I would like Why it matters: The replacement removes a repeated casual linker and softens the request.
Suggested Rewrites
- dealing with your bank banking with your institution
- take our business relationship to the next level seek your support for my new business
- Anyway, I am writing I am writing
- term loan as I am planning term loan because I plan
- business I have in my mind business I have in mind
- bakery factory commercial bakery
Why this response received Band 6.5
The letter clearly states the proposed bakery, requested amount, and two-year repayment period, with useful supporting detail. Its main limitation is that it does not actually request much information from the bank and its formal register is weakened by repeated conversational markers such as Anyway and By the way; prioritise asking about eligibility, interest, or application requirements in a consistently professional tone.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
All three bullet points are developed and the need for a loan is clear, but the response mainly requests funds rather than information about obtaining them.
Ask specific questions about eligibility, documents, interest rates, or application steps while retaining the business, amount, and repayment details.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a sensible sequence, but the single-block presentation and repeated use of Anyway create mechanical progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the purpose, business plan, requested sum, and repayment proposal, with less repetitive linking.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough range for business and finance topics, although several word choices are imprecise or too conversational.
Replace bakery factory, business in my mind, and equated monthly installation with bakery, business I plan to establish, and equal monthly instalments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The letter uses varied sentence structures with generally clear meaning, but articles, relative clauses, and fixed constructions are not consistently controlled.
Simplify overloaded sentences and use accurate structures such as repay the loan over two years in equal monthly instalments.
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter include the following information:
- what kind of business you want to start
- how much money you need
- the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.