You have seen an advertisement from a couple, who live in Australia, for someone to teach their two children your language for a year. Write a letter to the couple. In your letter: - explain why you think you would be suitable for the job - say what else you could do for the family - give your reasons for wanting the job
Sample Response
Dear Mr and Mrs Henry, Recently, I came across an advertisement, in which you have asked for someone from Spain to teach the Spanish language to your two children. I have decided to apply for it because the opportunity would help me meet the cost of running an orphanage in a remote village of the war-torn country in Latin America while also exploring the beautiful continent of Australia at the same time. In my defence of availing this opportunity, I would like to say that I have a bubbly and easy-going personality which makes it rather easy for me to relate to the children. Besides, I have also done babysitting jobs to help a few relatives of mine to take care of their children and received some formal training on first-hand experience in childcare. I have also finished a diploma in teaching young children because I am passionate about teaching them. In addition to taking care of your children, I could also prepare some delicious Spanish food and delicacies on some special occasions to surprise your friends and families. I am hoping that you would offer me the job. Thank you in advance. Yours sincerely, Maria Lucy
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Place the adverb naturally Original: Recently, I came across Suggested revision: I recently came across Why it matters: Putting the adverb after the subject creates a more natural sentence opening.
- 2. Remove the comma Original: an advertisement, in which Suggested revision: an advertisement in which Why it matters: The defining relative clause should not be separated from its noun by a comma.
- 3. Use simple past Original: you have asked Suggested revision: you asked Why it matters: The simple past is more direct when referring to the wording of a seen advertisement.
- 4. Name the relevant skill Original: someone from Spain Suggested revision: a Spanish speaker Why it matters: The replacement focuses on the language ability required for the position rather than nationality.
- 5. Use concise wording Original: the Spanish language Suggested revision: Spanish Why it matters: The language name alone is sufficient and more natural here.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: apply for it Suggested revision: apply for the position Why it matters: Naming the position makes the reference more precise in a formal application.
- 7. Correct the collocation Original: meet the cost of running Suggested revision: cover the costs of running Why it matters: Cover the costs is the natural collocation for paying operating expenses.
- 8. Use the indefinite article Original: the war-torn country in Latin America Suggested revision: a war-torn country in Latin America Why it matters: The country has not previously been identified, so it requires the indefinite article.
- 9. Clarify the parallel aim Original: while also exploring Suggested revision: while allowing me to explore Why it matters: This structure clearly links the opportunity to the applicant's second reason.
- 10. Remove repetition Original: at the same time Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: While already expresses simultaneity, so this phrase is redundant.
- 11. State suitability directly Original: In my defence of availing this opportunity Suggested revision: Regarding my suitability for this role Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and does not clearly introduce the applicant's qualifications.
- 12. Refine the relative clause Original: a bubbly and easy-going personality which Suggested revision: a bubbly, easy-going personality that Why it matters: The punctuation and relative pronoun create a cleaner restrictive clause.
Suggested Rewrites
- Recently, I came across I recently came across
- an advertisement, in which an advertisement in which
- you have asked you asked
- someone from Spain a Spanish speaker
- the Spanish language Spanish
- apply for it apply for the position
Why this response received Band 7.0
The application addresses every requested point and presents relevant childcare experience, teaching qualifications, additional help, and clear motivation in a suitably polite tone. Its main weakness is that several ideas are expressed through awkward or imprecise combinations, which makes the application less natural and persuasive. The priority is to state the teaching suitability more directly and revise strained wording for clarity and professionalism.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The purpose is clear and all three bullet points are covered with relevant supporting information in a suitable register.
Connect the diploma and childcare experience more explicitly to how the applicant would teach Spanish effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information follows a logical application-letter sequence, although some long sentences and formulaic transitions make progression less smooth.
Organise the suitability, extra duties, and motivation into separate paragraphs with more direct transitions.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, but several combinations, including "in my defence of availing this opportunity," are unnatural.
Prefer precise, idiomatic application language and remove inflated expressions that obscure the intended meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses a good range of complex structures with generally clear meaning, despite several awkward constructions and minor agreement issues.
Simplify overloaded sentences and check prepositions, reference, and number in phrases such as "friends and families."
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IELTS General Training Writing Task 1
You have seen an advertisement from a couple, who live in Australia, for someone to teach their two children your language for a year. Write a letter to the couple. In your letter:
- explain why you think you would be suitable for the job
- say what else you could do for the family
- give your reasons for wanting the job
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.