Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's society, advertising plays a crucial role in the sales of popular consumer goods. It is a commonly held belief that the significant sales figures of popular consumer goods are a result of the influence of advertising rather than the genuine necessities of the society in which they are marketed. I completely agree with this belief.
Firstly, advertising techniques have become increasingly sophisticated over the years, making it difficult for consumers to differentiate between their actual needs and the wants created by advertisers. For example, companies use social media platforms to target specific groups of consumers and manipulate their emotions by creating a sense of need for products they may not have even thought about before.
Secondly, companies often spend a significant portion of their budget on advertising and promotion rather than on improving the quality of their products or providing better services to their customers. This can be seen in the case of many fast-food chains that spend a large portion of their revenue on advertising, rather than focusing on providing healthier food options.
Finally, there is evidence to suggest that consumer behaviour is often driven by external factors, such as peer pressure and societal norms. Advertisements capitalize on these societal norms and manipulate consumers into purchasing products they may not necessarily need. For example, consider the trend of using expensive and trendy smartphones among young people. While some may genuinely require the features and capabilities of such devices, others may simply be influenced by the social pressure to own the latest and most popular brand. Advertisements featuring celebrities or social media influencers using these smartphones can exacerbate this pressure and create a desire to conform to the norm, leading to unnecessary purchases.
In conclusion, advertising plays a significant role in shaping consumer behaviour and driving sales of popular consumer goods. Therefore, it is crucial that consumers become more aware of the influence of advertising and make informed decisions about their purchases.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural collocation Original: the Suggested revision: driving Why it matters: Driving sales expresses the causal relationship more naturally.
- 2. Prefer concise wording Original: significant Suggested revision: high Why it matters: High states the intended quantity more directly than significant.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: genuine necessities of the society Suggested revision: society's genuine needs Why it matters: The possessive construction is more concise and idiomatic.
- 4. Choose formal noun Original: wants Suggested revision: desires Why it matters: Desires is more natural in formal discussion of consumer demand.
- 5. Use concise verb Original: thought about before Suggested revision: considered before Why it matters: Considered conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 6. Tighten expression Original: This can be seen in the case of Suggested revision: This is evident in Why it matters: The revision removes unnecessary words while preserving the claim.
- 7. Avoid repeated wording Original: a large portion of their revenue Suggested revision: much of their revenue Why it matters: This avoids repeating portion from the preceding sentence.
- 8. Make claim direct Original: there is evidence to suggest that Suggested revision: evidence suggests that Why it matters: The direct construction is clearer and more concise.
- 9. Reduce repetition Original: these societal norms Suggested revision: such norms Why it matters: This avoids repeating societal norms from the previous sentence.
- 10. Use formal vocabulary Original: trendy Suggested revision: fashionable Why it matters: Fashionable is more appropriate than trendy in a formal essay.
- 11. Clarify product reference Original: brand Suggested revision: model Why it matters: Model refers more precisely to a particular smartphone being purchased.
- 12. Remove redundancy Original: conform to the norm Suggested revision: conform Why it matters: Conform already means following an accepted norm.
Suggested Rewrites
- the driving
- significant high
- genuine necessities of the society society's genuine needs
- wants desires
- thought about before considered before
- This can be seen in the case of This is evident in
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistently maintained position and well-developed use of relevant examples, especially the discussion of social pressure and smartphones. Its main limitation is that the point about advertising budgets is somewhat less directly connected to whether sales reflect genuine needs; sharpening that causal link would make the argument more consistently incisive.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly answers the question, maintains a clear position, and develops several relevant reasons with specific support.
Explain more explicitly how high promotional spending demonstrates that purchases arise from manufactured demand rather than genuine need.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically sequenced, clearly paragraphed, and cohesively guides the reader from the position through distinct supporting arguments.
Strengthen the transition into the second argument by stating its precise logical connection to the central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and appropriately academic, with only minor repetition and occasional slightly cumbersome phrasing.
Reduce repeated terms such as “societal norms” and choose more concise phrasing where the meaning is already clear.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and communication consistently clear.
Refine punctuation and sentence economy in longer examples to make an already strong level of control even more polished.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.