In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
In some countries, there are laws prohibiting companies from rejecting job applicants based on age. While there may be arguments against such policies, I believe this is a positive development for several reasons.
There are certain arguments against these laws. Firstly, it is claimed that organizations should have the freedom to select candidates based on their perceived suitability for the role, including age-related factors. The United States Senate, for instance, requires each of its elected officials to be at least 35 years of age, owing to its status as the more prestigious and experienced chamber in the United States Congress. Inversely, some companies might favor younger candidates over their older counterparts, for the youth may be accompanied with more energy, adaptability, and familiarity with technology, which are essential in certain industries. Older candidates for the job, in contrast, are more likely to face health issues, which could affect their productivity and increase company costs related to healthcare and insurance.
However, banning age-based discrimination at work has several advantages, making it a positive development. Initially, it would promote fairness and ensure that all individuals, regardless of age, are equally considered for employment opportunities based on their skills and qualifications. This helps to combat stereotypes and biases against older workers, who often possess valuable experience and knowledge, which could compensate for their perceived lack of energy. Having age diversity in the workplace, furthermore, can foster innovation and improve problem-solving by combining the perspectives of different generations. A workforce that successfully blends both youthful enthusiasm and mature wisdom would produce a more dynamic and efficient environment, benefiting both the company and its employees.
In conclusion, while some may argue that age is a relevant factor in hiring, prohibiting age-based discrimination carries prominent benefits, and therefore, such a policy is likely to be a positive development. It is recommended that organizations encourage age diversity in the workplace to foster a well-informed and innovative work environment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the basis Original: including age-related factors Suggested revision: including factors associated with age Why it matters: This phrasing more clearly identifies age as the basis for the hiring consideration.
- 2. Use precise description Original: more prestigious and experienced chamber Suggested revision: more senior and deliberative chamber Why it matters: Chambers are not themselves experienced, so a more precise institutional description is preferable.
- 3. Use correct contrast Original: Inversely Suggested revision: Conversely Why it matters: Conversely is the appropriate linker for introducing an opposing hiring preference.
- 4. Fix awkward collocation Original: the youth may be accompanied with Suggested revision: younger candidates may have Why it matters: The original expression uses youth unnaturally and combines it with an incorrect collocation.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: Older candidates for the job Suggested revision: Older candidates Why it matters: The surrounding discussion already establishes that these people are job applicants.
- 6. Use clearer sequencing Original: Initially Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First links this advantage more naturally to the additional benefit introduced later.
- 7. Use concise phrasing Original: Having age diversity Suggested revision: Age diversity Why it matters: The noun phrase expresses the idea more directly and naturally.
- 8. Smooth the transition Original: workplace, furthermore, can Suggested revision: workplace can also Why it matters: Also connects this benefit more smoothly without interrupting the clause.
- 9. Fix paired structure Original: blends both youthful enthusiasm and mature wisdom Suggested revision: blends youthful enthusiasm with mature wisdom Why it matters: The verb blend conventionally takes the paired structure blend one thing with another.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: produce a more dynamic and efficient environment Suggested revision: create a more dynamic and efficient workplace Why it matters: Create a workplace is a more natural and precise collocation in this context.
- 11. Improve the collocation Original: carries prominent benefits Suggested revision: offers substantial benefits Why it matters: Offers substantial benefits is the natural collocation for describing the policy's advantages.
Suggested Rewrites
- including age-related factors including factors associated with age
- more prestigious and experienced chamber more senior and deliberative chamber
- Inversely Conversely
- the youth may be accompanied with younger candidates may have
- Older candidates for the job Older candidates
- Initially First
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response is strongest in its clear position and well-developed explanation of how age diversity can promote fairness and workplace effectiveness. Its main limitation is that the opposing case receives disproportionate space and includes a Senate example that does not closely match company hiring. Prioritise sharper selection of directly relevant evidence and develop the positive case with one concrete workplace example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear positive position and develops relevant benefits, although one counterexample is only loosely connected to company recruitment.
Replace the Senate example with a specific workplace case and extend the explanation of how anti-discrimination laws benefit employers.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear introduction, opposing view, supporting case, and conclusion, with generally effective paragraphing.
Use transitions such as 'inversely' and 'initially' more naturally and make the shift from concession to main argument more economical.
Lexical Resource
A broad and mostly precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion, despite several awkward collocations and word choices.
Refine collocations such as 'prominent benefits' and 'the youth may be accompanied with more energy' to sound more idiomatic.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with strong control, and the few grammatical slips do not impede meaning.
Polish article, preposition, and agreement choices in longer sentences to make the language consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.