Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Same question Compare all 2 answers See different approaches and band scores for this IELTS task.Sample Response
One of the most controversial issues, these days is related to, how animals should be treated by individuals. Although, some people declare that we need only to stop hitting and killing the various animals around us, but I believe that a strict law by governments should be applied to save these creatures. An analysed debate will be provided before a reasonable conclusion will be found in the next paragraphs.
Some People claims, that dealing with animals for a long time, help a sheer change in personalities and adopt inhuman attitudes. Also, some expert state that the only place where animals fit is research and experiment facilities. They also clearly say that farms are the perfect way to contain farming animals, so humanity can use them meat, milk and even leather. They also argued that majority of fatal sickness generated by farming animals. For instance, take SARS as an obvious example of that and how farming birds help to spread it.
On the other hand, the advocate of animal rights state, that we are dealing with poor creatures, which do not have the ability to identify the differences between good actions and a bad one. In addition, childhood consultant trust that, the majority of child violence actions children do against the younger children is related to copying parents actions towards farming animals. For example, a 7-years-old child killed his younger sister with axe copying what his father doing to them farming cheeps.
To sum up, this argument will last long until people and governments agreed that we have to keep these animals safe, as well as I agreed.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Repair opening clause Original: issues, these days is related to, Suggested revision: issues these days relates to Why it matters: The revision removes incorrect commas and makes the verb agree with “one.”
- 2. Remove conjunction comma Original: Although, Suggested revision: Although Why it matters: A comma should not follow “although” before its subordinate clause.
- 3. Remove double conjunction Original: , but I believe Suggested revision: , I believe Why it matters: A clause beginning with “although” should not also be linked with “but.”
- 4. Use natural noun phrase Original: a strict law by governments Suggested revision: strict government laws Why it matters: The plural noun phrase expresses the intended general policy naturally.
- 5. Use correct law verb Original: should be applied Suggested revision: should be enacted Why it matters: Laws are enacted or enforced rather than “applied” in this context.
- 6. Fix number agreement Original: some expert state Suggested revision: some experts state Why it matters: “Some” requires the plural noun “experts” and the base verb “state.”
- 7. Correct modifier form Original: research and experiment facilities Suggested revision: research and experimental facilities Why it matters: The adjective “experimental” correctly modifies “facilities.”
- 8. Use accurate farm terms Original: contain farming animals Suggested revision: house farm animals Why it matters: Farms “house” animals, and “farm animals” is the natural noun phrase.
- 9. Repair object structure Original: humanity can use them meat, milk and even leather Suggested revision: people can obtain meat, milk, and leather from them Why it matters: The revision supplies the preposition and clarifies the relationship between people, animals, and products.
- 10. Keep present tense Original: They also argued Suggested revision: They also argue Why it matters: The paragraph reports a current view, so the present tense is consistent.
- 11. Add articles and verb Original: majority of fatal sickness generated by farming animals Suggested revision: the majority of fatal illnesses are caused by farm animals Why it matters: The clause needs an article, a finite verb, and the correct plural noun forms.
- 12. Fix plural agreement Original: the advocate of animal rights state, Suggested revision: advocates of animal rights state Why it matters: The plural subject “advocates” agrees with “state,” and the comma is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- issues, these days is related to, issues these days relates to
- Although, Although
- , but I believe , I believe
- a strict law by governments strict government laws
- should be applied should be enacted
- some expert state some experts state
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response’s strongest feature is its attempt to separate the opposing perspectives into paragraphs and state support for protecting animals. However, the discussion often misrepresents or confuses the two views, and frequent grammatical and lexical errors make several claims difficult to follow. The highest-priority improvement is to plan one clear, relevant argument for each view, explain each with a credible example, and then proofread sentences for basic agreement, articles, and word forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the general topic and gives an opinion, but the two required views are only partially and sometimes inaccurately developed.
State each view accurately, explain why its supporters hold it, and support both sides with directly relevant examples before giving a clear opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing separates broad stages of the response, but progression within paragraphs is often unclear and linking is sometimes mechanical or inaccurate.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and arrange its supporting sentences in a clear claim-explanation-example sequence.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent wrong word choices, collocations, and forms often obscure the intended meaning.
Use simpler, accurately learned vocabulary and check key phrases such as references to farm animals, animal research, and legal protection.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, punctuation, verb forms, and clause structure reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, checking subject-verb agreement and articles before combining ideas into complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that employing and exploiting animals for basic human needs is totally justified while others opine that animals should not be exploited by people and they should have the same rights as humans. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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