Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Music, art, and drama are deemed by some to be of the same importance as other subjects, particularly in primary school. This essay agrees with the statement because these subjects have a significanttremendous impact on students’ creativity at this age, and they might help some studentsto choose a career path.
The inclusion of the fine artsThe inclusion of fine art in the primary school curriculum positively affects pupils’ creative thinkingpupils creative thinking. During these classes, not only do students have an opportunity to paint, sing or act, but also their creativity is challenged. This is because there is no single correct outcomeone correct outcome does not exist when painting or playing an instrument; thus, students discover that engagement in music, art, and drama offers them a plethora of ways of expressing themselves. In Scandinavia, for example, where primary schools offer a substantialsound number of these types of classes, young people demonstrate outstanding creativityoutstanding ability to be creative, as reflected in the number of designers and architects from this regionwhich reflects in a number of designers and architects coming from this region.
Having an opportunity to participate in music, art, and drama classes could helpcould potentially help some youngsters figure out what they are really passionate about. As a result, this passion could turn into a career path. Should primary schoolsschool offer frequent exposure to fine art, then it could create an empowering atmospherecreate empowering atmosphere, where pupils feel encouraged to believe that they can become artists. To illustrate, most famous artistsmost of the famous artists decided to pursue this type of career due to a primary school teacher who awakenedawoke this interest in them.
In conclusion, I personally agree with a belief that the importance of fine art atin the primary level of education is equal to that of other subjectsis equal to other subjects because it stimulates creativity, and in some cases, empowers youth to become painters, sculptorssculptresses, or actors.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay answers the question directly, sustains a clear position, and develops two distinct benefits through fluent, logically sequenced paragraphs. The main weakness is occasional imprecision in examples and collocations, including broad unsupported claims; the most valuable improvement would be to qualify those examples and refine a small number of awkward phrases so the argument is consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and well extended, though the illustrative claims are somewhat generalized.
Use more credible, qualified examples and explain their connection to the claimed educational benefit with greater precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly within a well-controlled four-paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally support rather than interrupt the argument.
Refine the internal sequencing of the longer first body paragraph so its example follows the causal explanation even more tightly.
Lexical Resource
A broad and effective vocabulary supports precise discussion, with occasional awkward collocations such as sound number and awoke this interest.
Replace unnatural combinations with idiomatic academic phrasing and avoid broader claims than the chosen vocabulary can accurately support.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although a few article, possessive, and preposition errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and fixed prepositional expressions, especially possessives and missing articles, while retaining the current structural variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.