Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Music, art, and drama are deemed by some to be of the same importance as other subjects, particularly in primary school. This essay agrees with the statement because these subjects have a tremendous impact on students’ creativity at this age, and they might help some to choose a career path.
The inclusion of fine art in the primary school curriculum positively affects pupils creative thinking. During these classes, not only do students have an opportunity to paint, sing or act, but also their creativity is challenged. This is because one correct outcome does not exist when painting or playing an instrument; thus, students discover that engagement in music, art, and drama offers them a plethora of ways of expressing themselves. In Scandinavia, for example, where primary schools offer a sound number of these types of classes, young people demonstrate outstanding ability to be creative, which reflects in a number of designers and architects coming from this region.
Having an opportunity to participate in music, art, and drama classes could potentially help some youngsters figure out what they are really passionate about. As a result, this passion could turn into a career path. Should primary school offer frequent exposure to fine art, then it could create empowering atmosphere, where pupils feel encouraged to believe that they can become artists. To illustrate, most of the famous artists decided to pursue this type of career due to a primary school teacher who awoke this interest in them.
In conclusion, I personally agree with a belief that the importance of fine art in the primary level of education is equal to other subjects because it stimulates creativity, and in some cases, empowers youth to become painters, sculptresses, or actors.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add possessive apostrophe Original: pupils creative thinking Suggested revision: pupils’ creative thinking Why it matters: The plural possessive noun needs an apostrophe after “pupils.”
- 2. Use natural structure Original: one correct outcome does not exist Suggested revision: there is no single correct outcome Why it matters: The existential structure is more natural for stating that no unique result exists.
- 3. Correct quantity phrase Original: sound Suggested revision: substantial Why it matters: “Sound number” is not a natural collocation for describing a large quantity.
- 4. Use concise wording Original: outstanding ability to be creative Suggested revision: outstanding creativity Why it matters: The noun “creativity” conveys the same meaning more concisely.
- 5. Fix relative clause Original: which reflects in a number of designers and architects coming from this region Suggested revision: as reflected in the number of designers and architects from this region Why it matters: The revised construction correctly links the evidence to the preceding claim.
- 6. Use plural institution Original: school Suggested revision: schools Why it matters: The reference is to primary schools generally, so the count noun should be plural.
- 7. Add article Original: create empowering atmosphere Suggested revision: create an empowering atmosphere Why it matters: The singular count noun “atmosphere” requires an article.
- 8. Remove unnecessary article Original: most of the famous artists Suggested revision: most famous artists Why it matters: When referring to famous artists generally, “most” is used without “of the.”
- 9. Correct verb choice Original: awoke Suggested revision: awakened Why it matters: “Awakened” is the appropriate transitive verb for causing an interest to develop.
- 10. Correct preposition Original: in Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Levels of education take the preposition “at” in this expression.
- 11. Use measured wording Original: tremendous Suggested revision: significant Why it matters: “Significant” expresses the claimed importance in a more measured academic register.
- 12. Clarify the referent Original: to Suggested revision: students Why it matters: Naming “students” removes the vague pronoun and allows the more natural bare-infinitive pattern.
Suggested Rewrites
- pupils creative thinking pupils’ creative thinking
- one correct outcome does not exist there is no single correct outcome
- sound substantial
- outstanding ability to be creative outstanding creativity
- which reflects in a number of designers and architects coming from this region as reflected in the number of designers and architects from this region
- school schools
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay answers the question directly, sustains a clear position, and develops two distinct benefits through fluent, logically sequenced paragraphs. The main weakness is occasional imprecision in examples and collocations, including broad unsupported claims; the most valuable improvement would be to qualify those examples and refine a small number of awkward phrases so the argument is consistently precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and well extended, though the illustrative claims are somewhat generalized.
Use more credible, qualified examples and explain their connection to the claimed educational benefit with greater precision.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly within a well-controlled four-paragraph structure, and cohesive devices generally support rather than interrupt the argument.
Refine the internal sequencing of the longer first body paragraph so its example follows the causal explanation even more tightly.
Lexical Resource
A broad and effective vocabulary supports precise discussion, with occasional awkward collocations such as sound number and awoke this interest.
Replace unnatural combinations with idiomatic academic phrasing and avoid broader claims than the chosen vocabulary can accurately support.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used with strong control, although a few article, possessive, and preposition errors remain.
Proofread noun phrases and fixed prepositional expressions, especially possessives and missing articles, while retaining the current structural variety.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.