Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that arts-related subjects are as important as other school subjects, especially for primary school children. I totally agree with this statement because these subjects can helpthis can help children to discover their talents from an early age and can increase their confidence.
One of the reasons I agree that creative subjects are as important ashave the same importance as other school subjectscourses in primary school is that they allow studentsit allows students to discover their talentsfind out their potential talents early on. That is to say, school age is the ideal timeschool-age is the most convenient time for students to learn more about their interests by trying different activities as they are young enough to pursue their hobbies. They will probably not have any other chance later in their lives to discover that because they will be busy with difficult exams when they get older. For example, most famous singers were discovered by their music teachers at school atfrom a young age, and they claimed that they would not have been as successfulcould not be that successful if their teachers did not find out their talents when they were young.
Moreover, music, art and drama subjects help students to boost their confidence. That is because creative lessons teach students how to perform in front of lots of people and give them a chance to socialise with other students. As a result, students can realise their real potential and act more confidently. For instance, many psychologists advise studentssuggest to students who are struggling with social anxiety to take drama lessons as they help to enhance confidenceas it helps to enhance confidence.
In conclusion, this essay completely agrees that music, art and drama have the same value as other subjects in primary school because they allow childrenit allows children to discover their hidden talents early on and increases their self-confidence.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant reasons with logically sequenced explanation and examples. Its main limitation is that some support relies on broad or unconvincing claims, while several awkward collocations and reference or agreement errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with more specific, credible evidence and then proofread complex sentences for accurate phrasing and pronoun control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and sufficiently developed with explanation and examples.
Replace broad claims about famous singers and psychologists with more specific, plausible support that demonstrates each benefit convincingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen cohesion by making references such as 'this' and 'it' point unambiguously to the intended subject.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, with effective language for discussing education, talent, confidence, and social interaction.
Improve collocational precision by replacing awkward phrases such as 'find out their potential talents' and 'suggest to students'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally sound control, and errors do not impede meaning.
Proofread for agreement, pronoun reference, and conditional accuracy, especially in longer sentences containing several clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.