Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some people believe that arts-related subjects are as important as other school subjects, especially for primary school children. I totally agree with this statement because this can help children to discover their talents from an early age and can increase their confidence.
One of the reasons I agree that creative subjects have the same importance as other school courses in primary school is that it allows students to find out their potential talents early on. That is to say, school-age is the most convenient time for students to learn more about their interests by trying different activities as they are young enough to pursue their hobbies. They will probably not have any other chance later in their lives to discover that because they will be busy with difficult exams when they get older. For example, most famous singers were discovered by their music teachers at school from a young age, and they claimed that they could not be that successful if their teachers did not find out their talents when they were young.
Moreover, music, art and drama subjects help students to boost their confidence. That is because creative lessons teach students how to perform in front of lots of people and give them a chance to socialise with other students. As a result, students can realise their real potential and act more confidently. For instance, many psychologists suggest to students who are struggling with social anxiety to take drama lessons as it helps to enhance confidence.
In conclusion, this essay completely agrees that music, art and drama have the same value as other subjects in primary school because it allows children to discover their hidden talents early on and increases their self-confidence.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify the reference Original: this can help Suggested revision: these subjects can help Why it matters: Name the plural subjects directly so the reference is clear.
- 2. Use a natural comparison Original: have the same importance as Suggested revision: are as important as Why it matters: This comparative structure is more direct and idiomatic.
- 3. Match the plural subject Original: it allows students Suggested revision: they allow students Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural subject 'creative subjects'.
- 4. Choose a precise phrase Original: find out their potential talents Suggested revision: discover their talents Why it matters: This removes the awkward collocation and expresses the intended meaning concisely.
- 5. Improve the time phrase Original: school-age is the most convenient time Suggested revision: school age is the ideal time Why it matters: 'School age' is the noun phrase, and 'ideal' fits this evaluative claim more naturally.
- 6. Keep terminology consistent Original: courses Suggested revision: subjects Why it matters: 'Subjects' is the standard term for areas studied in primary school.
- 7. Correct the time phrase Original: from Suggested revision: at Why it matters: Use 'at a young age' for the point in life when the discovery occurred.
- 8. Form the counterfactual Original: could not be that successful Suggested revision: would not have been as successful Why it matters: The unreal past condition requires 'would not have been', and the comparison takes 'as'.
- 9. Use the correct verb Original: suggest to students Suggested revision: advise students Why it matters: 'Advise someone to do something' is the correct pattern for this meaning.
- 10. Match the plural noun Original: as it helps to enhance confidence Suggested revision: as they help to enhance confidence Why it matters: The pronoun should refer back to the plural noun 'drama lessons'.
- 11. Use a plural pronoun Original: it allows children Suggested revision: they allow children Why it matters: The pronoun must agree with the plural list 'music, art and drama'.
Suggested Rewrites
- this can help these subjects can help
- have the same importance as are as important as
- it allows students they allow students
- find out their potential talents discover their talents
- school-age is the most convenient time school age is the ideal time
- courses subjects
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and develops two relevant reasons with logically sequenced explanation and examples. Its main limitation is that some support relies on broad or unconvincing claims, while several awkward collocations and reference or agreement errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each reason with more specific, credible evidence and then proofread complex sentences for accurate phrasing and pronoun control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear throughout, and both reasons are relevant and sufficiently developed with explanation and examples.
Replace broad claims about famous singers and psychologists with more specific, plausible support that demonstrates each benefit convincingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, two focused body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen cohesion by making references such as 'this' and 'it' point unambiguously to the intended subject.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, with effective language for discussing education, talent, confidence, and social interaction.
Improve collocational precision by replacing awkward phrases such as 'find out their potential talents' and 'suggest to students'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally sound control, and errors do not impede meaning.
Proofread for agreement, pronoun reference, and conditional accuracy, especially in longer sentences containing several clauses.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.