The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It has been argued that addressing the nations about the usage of nuclear weapons assists a lot in creating harmony in the world. Although using nuclear energy does not create pollution and is inexpensive in nature, its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. I agree with it and the going to explain it in further paragraphs.
First off, the usage of nuclear weapons is the only way to create harmony in the whole world. To elaborate, when a nation threatens any other nations about their plan to destroy them by using it. The weak nations oppose the decision made by the affluent nations. The only option left is to reconcile with the powerful country. Therefore, world peace is established as the nations are aware of the repercussion of this action. To exemplify it, the whole globe witnessed the destruction of humanity after World War First and World War II. Even after so many years, some pieces of land could not be turned into fertile land. So the threat to use explosive energy sources is beneficial to create world peace.
Furthermore, the use of nuclear energy improves the quality of life in many more ways than people realise. It uses radioactive materials, which have a variety of important uses in electricity generation, medicine, industry, agriculture, and our homes. An inexpensive and clean source is better than using other alternative sources such as Petrol and diesel, which have more carbon emissions. Only one disadvantage cannot be proven. It has more demerits as it is difficult to establish a nuclear plant because of any leakage, which can have devastating effects on this planet. However, its advantages cannot be ignored.
To conclude, it is apparent that the threat to use toxic weapons, which have the power to ruin the whole world, can create peace in the world and bring it a cheaper source of energy as well as create less pollution as compared with other conventional fuels, makes it more useful than harmful.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use accurate wording Original: addressing the nations about the usage of nuclear weapons Suggested revision: warning nations about the use of nuclear weapons Why it matters: “Warning nations” conveys the intended idea of communicating a threat.
- 2. Use formal concise phrasing Original: assists a lot in creating harmony in the world Suggested revision: helps to maintain world peace Why it matters: The revision is more concise and directly matches the concept being discussed.
- 3. Remove redundant wording Original: inexpensive in nature Suggested revision: inexpensive Why it matters: “In nature” adds no meaning to the adjective “inexpensive.”
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: I agree with it Suggested revision: I agree with this view Why it matters: The explicit noun phrase gives the pronoun a clear referent.
- 5. Repair the verb phrase Original: the going to explain it Suggested revision: will explain my reasons Why it matters: The original phrase lacks a grammatical subject-and-verb construction.
- 6. Use the standard phrase Original: in further paragraphs Suggested revision: in the following paragraphs Why it matters: “The following paragraphs” is the natural phrase for later parts of the essay.
- 7. Use formal concise wording Original: First off, the usage of nuclear weapons Suggested revision: First, the use of nuclear weapons Why it matters: “First” is more formal, and “use” is more concise than “usage.”
- 8. Use a relative description Original: The weak nations Suggested revision: Weaker nations Why it matters: The comparative adjective fits the contrast with more powerful countries.
- 9. Match the intended meaning Original: affluent Suggested revision: powerful Why it matters: The argument concerns geopolitical power rather than wealth alone.
- 10. Clarify the action Original: reconcile with Suggested revision: reach an agreement with Why it matters: This phrase states the intended response to the powerful country more clearly.
- 11. Use the plural noun Original: repercussion Suggested revision: repercussions Why it matters: The general consequences of an action are conventionally expressed with the plural noun here.
- 12. Use a clear linker Original: To exemplify it Suggested revision: For example Why it matters: This linker introduces the illustrative point more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- addressing the nations about the usage of nuclear weapons warning nations about the use of nuclear weapons
- assists a lot in creating harmony in the world helps to maintain world peace
- inexpensive in nature inexpensive
- I agree with it I agree with this view
- the going to explain it will explain my reasons
- in further paragraphs in the following paragraphs
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its clear overall agreement and recognisable organisation around nuclear deterrence and nuclear energy. Its main limitation is uneven development: some reasoning is unclear or historically weak, and the treatment of disadvantages becomes contradictory. The highest-priority improvement is to build each claim through accurate, logically connected explanation and a specific example before drawing a conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses both nuclear deterrence and energy and states a clear position, but several ideas are insufficiently or inconsistently developed.
Explain one credible benefit and one acknowledged risk in depth, then show explicitly why the benefits still outweigh that risk.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph structure is clear, but progression within paragraphs is weakened by fragments, unclear references, and abrupt logical connections.
Use complete cause-and-effect chains so that each sentence clearly develops the claim made immediately before it.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as 'addressing the nations,' 'explosive energy sources,' and 'toxic weapons' with precise terms suited to nuclear deterrence and power.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The writer attempts varied complex structures, but recurring errors in clause formation, agreement, and sentence control sometimes strain comprehension.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and check that each long sentence has one grammatically controlled main clause.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The threat of nuclear weapons maintains world peace. Nuclear power provides cheap and clean energy. The benefits of nuclear technology far outweigh the disadvantages. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.