Some people think that living in big cities is bad for people’s health. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 8.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
It is sometimes asserted that life in major urban areaslife in a major urban areas is detrimental to citizens’ well-being. I largely agree with this assertion given the air pollution and fast pace of life that they have to endure even though advanced medical care might be more accessiblemedical advancements might be more approachable in metropolises. The foremost rationale why I believe the city environment negatively influences people’s health is the air quality. Air pollution in major cities can be attributed to various sources, ranging from noxious emissions from personal vehicles to particulate matterparticle matters from ongoing constructionconstructions. These pollutants are scientifically proven to not only cause immediate inconveniences but also chronicperennial respiratory diseases such as rhinitis and lung cancer. Another reason for my belief that dwelling in cities is harmfulnegative to health lies in the lifestyle in these regions. Specifically, citizens generally embrace a much faster way of living as a consequence of competition for jobsjob competitiveness and price hikes, leading to a reduced amount of time for exercise and relaxation. If this condition is prolonged, they are likely to experience both physical and mental health problems including burnout, stroke or depression. However, I acknowledge that the availability of advanced treatments in metropolises can enhance people’s wellbeing. An illustrative example in this case is Hanoi, the second largest city in Vietnam. Over the years, the city council has invested heavily in improving healthcare infrastructure which encompasses major hospitals and regional clinics, allowing Hanoians to enjoy effective treatments, frequent health checks for potential disease prevention and better overall healthan overall improved health condition. In conclusion, I am mostly in agreement with the idea that the general well-being of people is negatively affected by living in major metropolises considering the harmful air pollutants and faster pace of lifeincreased pace of lifestyle despite the abundance of healthcare services. That is why governments should implementexecute immediate measures, such as relocating factories and governmental offices, to encourage people to reside in the countryside or small cities to maintain better healthmore robust health.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response presents a clear, consistently maintained position and develops its main health arguments with relevant causal explanation, effective paragraphing, and a useful counterpoint about urban healthcare. Its main limitation is occasional imprecise or unnatural wording, which reduces the otherwise strong linguistic control; the highest-priority improvement is to replace strained collocations with more natural, exact phrasing while preserving the essay’s well-developed argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the question with a clear qualified agreement and well-developed reasons supported by a relevant counterargument.
Make the final policy recommendation more directly support the health-focused position rather than introducing a partly new direction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, and cohesive devices connect explanations and examples smoothly without obscuring the argument.
Refine a few long concluding and list-based sentences so the progression remains equally crisp at sentence level.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary conveys nuanced health and urban-life ideas, although several collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Use more idiomatic choices such as accessible healthcare, particulate matter, and construction work to improve lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses varied complex structures with strong overall control, despite occasional article, agreement, and phrasing errors.
Proofread noun phrases and article-number agreement, especially constructions such as a major urban area, to remove localized inaccuracies.