Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Sample Response
It is believed that businesses people should use any kinds of ways in generating profit. I strongly disagree with the statement, as there should be some regulations and policies that business people should follow and the following essay will discuss it in details about it. To begin with, if business people are allowed to do anything they like in generating profits, then there would be a serious threat to the environment. Many companies and corporations are building projects based on their commercial senses, without assessing the impact of them to the surrounding areas. In many cases, there were a lot of energy companies that had demolished forest areas, which were the home to various kinds of endangered animals. Should there be no restrictions on these companies, the world will gradually lose its' biodiversities. And then, it is obvious that there should be a code of ethics and regulations in doing business. They are important for protecting customers from any inappropriate acts of business owners. It has been reported that in order to save production costs and to increase profit margins, a lot of manufacturing companies have used dangerous ingredients as a part of their production process. And then, some companies were hiring labours which were below the standard age and compensated them with minimum salary to reduce labour costs. These unhealthy practices would be a serious threat to many societies and communities. In conclusion, I personally disagree if people could do anything to make their business profit. Without the existences of business restrictions, law and policies, then it would generate a devastating problem for mankind, such as deforestation and human trafficking.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix determiner agreement Original: any kinds of ways Suggested revision: any means Why it matters: 'Any' conflicts with the plural phrase 'kinds of ways', while 'any means' expresses the intended idea naturally.
- 2. Fix the verb pattern Original: in generating profit Suggested revision: to generate profits Why it matters: The infinitive correctly expresses the purpose of using those means.
- 3. Correct purpose structure Original: do anything they like in generating profits Suggested revision: do anything they like to generate profits Why it matters: The infinitive is the correct structure for expressing the purpose of the actions.
- 4. Remove redundant linker Original: then there would be Suggested revision: there would be Why it matters: The preceding conditional clause already signals the consequence, so 'then' is unnecessary.
- 5. Correct the collocation Original: senses Suggested revision: considerations Why it matters: 'Commercial considerations' is the natural phrase for business factors guiding project decisions.
- 6. Fix reference and preposition Original: impact of them to Suggested revision: their impact on Why it matters: The possessive determiner and preposition 'on' form the correct noun phrase.
- 7. Remove the article Original: the home to Suggested revision: home to Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'be home to' without an article.
- 8. Fix possession and number Original: its' biodiversities Suggested revision: its biodiversity Why it matters: The possessive determiner has no apostrophe, and 'biodiversity' is uncountable here.
- 9. Use a formal transition Original: And then, it is obvious Suggested revision: Moreover, it is clear Why it matters: The revision introduces the related point more smoothly and formally.
- 10. Correct the collocation Original: regulations in doing business Suggested revision: regulations governing business Why it matters: Regulations 'govern' an activity; 'regulations in doing business' is not idiomatic.
- 11. Use precise wording Original: inappropriate acts Suggested revision: unethical practices Why it matters: This phrase more precisely describes the harmful business conduct discussed next.
- 12. Correct the collocation Original: save Suggested revision: reduce Why it matters: Costs are normally 'reduced' rather than 'saved' in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- any kinds of ways any means
- in generating profit to generate profits
- do anything they like in generating profits do anything they like to generate profits
- then there would be there would be
- senses considerations
- impact of them to their impact on
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear disagreement and supports it with relevant environmental and ethical reasons, including concrete illustrations of harmful business practices. Its main limitation is frequent imprecision in grammar and word choice, compounded by a single-block structure and mechanical linking. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the two reasons into separate paragraphs while revising recurring plural, article, preposition, and collocation errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported by two relevant reasons with generally sufficient explanation and illustration.
Develop the link between each example and the central claim more explicitly, especially in the ethical-practices discussion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a logical overall sequence, but one-block presentation and repetitive connectors make progression mechanical.
Create distinct introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, and replace repeated And then transitions with logical connections.
Lexical Resource
There is an adequate range of topic vocabulary, but frequent word-form and collocation errors reduce precision and naturalness.
Correct combinations such as businesspeople, business interests, minimum wages, and loss of biodiversity, and avoid unnecessary plural forms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, though recurring errors in articles, plurals, prepositions, tense, and agreement are noticeable.
Proofread noun phrases and verb patterns systematically, focusing first on plural forms, possessives, and preposition choices.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Businesses should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.