Without capital punishment (the death penalty), our lives are less secure, and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Sample Response
Punishment in any form, when it is given to the offenders, must bring modification in behaviour. So, In the absence of the death sentence, human beings’ lives are at risk, and it can escalate brutality. So, it is considered that execution is indispensable in order to curb ferocity in society. I completely agree with the statement because it is a must to maintain law and order in society. Moreover, rebuilding the faith of people in a government makes it necessary to execute criminals.
First off, if criminals do not get punished for their crimes, then people feel insecure. Because they think offenders can harm them as well. So, it is essential to control the activities of the guilty people and deter violence in society. In this way, law and order can be maintained. Criminals will think twice before committing any abdominal activity. Resultantly, people would have a secure life. So, for the smooth running of governmental activities, it is indispensable to give the death penalty to criminals. However, it must be given by seeing the severity of the crime. For instance, many minor girls were raped and murdered. Thus, innocent children lose their lives without any fault, and those who survive confront psychological trauma. So, here in such cases, a death warrant is mandatory.
Moving further, Now, people have lost their faith in government. They consider that the government is doing nothing and culprits that free on bail. So, to rebuild the trust of the masses, it is compulsory to punish criminals. Many times, it has been shown that people do not get justice even after so many years. They believe that justice delay means justice denied. So, it is a must for rulers to get the trust of individuals; otherwise, people would have no other alternative but to migrate overseas for their safety. So, it is a stigma on the fair name of any country. Consequently, any government will lose its reputation.
To conclude, Thus capital punishment is essential to maintain law and order and deter people from committing criminal activities. Only then people can lead a secure life. Moreover, individuals would trust their government, and they will be ready to contribute to the betterment of their nation.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct capitalization Original: In Suggested revision: in Why it matters: The word following the introductory connector should not be capitalized mid-sentence.
- 2. Clarify the subject Original: it can escalate brutality Suggested revision: the absence of capital punishment can escalate brutality Why it matters: The pronoun has no clear singular referent in the preceding clause.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: curb ferocity Suggested revision: curb violent crime Why it matters: Ferocity describes a quality, while violent crime names the social problem being controlled.
- 4. Use formal wording Original: it is a must to maintain Suggested revision: it is essential to maintain Why it matters: Essential is more concise and appropriately formal in an academic essay.
- 5. Use natural collocation Original: rebuilding the faith of people in a government Suggested revision: restoring people's trust in the government Why it matters: Restore trust in is the natural expression for recovering public confidence.
- 6. Choose concise wording Original: activities of the guilty people Suggested revision: actions of offenders Why it matters: This replacement expresses the intended meaning more directly and precisely.
- 7. Correct wrong word Original: abdominal Suggested revision: criminal Why it matters: Abdominal relates to the stomach and does not describe unlawful conduct.
- 8. Use natural connector Original: Resultantly Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: As a result is the standard cohesive phrase for introducing this consequence.
- 9. Improve natural phrasing Original: people would have a secure life Suggested revision: people would be able to live securely Why it matters: The revised phrase expresses the intended outcome more naturally.
- 10. Improve formal phrasing Original: for the smooth running of governmental activities Suggested revision: for the effective functioning of government Why it matters: The replacement is more concise and idiomatic while preserving the claim.
- 11. Correct preposition phrase Original: by seeing the severity Suggested revision: according to the severity Why it matters: According to correctly expresses that the punishment depends on the crime's severity.
- 12. Use precise term Original: minor Suggested revision: underage Why it matters: Underage is the appropriate adjective for girls below the legal adult age.
Suggested Rewrites
- In in
- it can escalate brutality the absence of capital punishment can escalate brutality
- curb ferocity curb violent crime
- it is a must to maintain it is essential to maintain
- rebuilding the faith of people in a government restoring people's trust in the government
- activities of the guilty people actions of offenders
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response maintains a clear position and uses relevant ideas about deterrence and public trust, with a recognisable progression from introduction to conclusion. Its main limitation is recurring imprecision in grammar and word choice, which sometimes makes claims sound awkward or unclear, while parts of the support become repetitive or speculative. Prioritise accurate sentence construction and collocation, then develop each reason with a tighter, more credible causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear agreement and relevant reasons, but development is repetitive and some causal claims are insufficiently substantiated.
Develop each main reason through one precise causal chain and a credible, specific example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraph sequence is easy to follow, although repeated use of short linking phrases makes cohesion mechanical.
Use referencing and logical sentence connections instead of repeatedly beginning ideas with 'So'.
Lexical Resource
There is a reasonable range of topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Prefer familiar, exact combinations such as 'serious crime' and 'restore public trust' over strained alternatives.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied structures, but fragments, agreement errors, faulty clauses, and punctuation problems recur.
Check every sentence for a complete main clause and accurate subject-verb agreement before adding complex detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Without capital punishment (the death penalty), our lives are less secure, and crimes of violence increase. Capital punishment is essential to control violence in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.