Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.
Sample Response
People need different modes of transportation to move from one place to another. In the ancient time, they used horses and donkeys for this purpose and to carry their loads. With the development of technology, people invented novel things such as cars, trains, aeroplanes, ships and this development has further enhanced the flexibility and convenience of transportation. Out of these vehicles, the private car is one of the best and most preferred vehicles for people to commute from one place to another but not without consequences. Private cars have many advantages. Due to this, people who can afford a private car, want to own it. People with low-income class also dream to own a car one day. This simple phenomenon shows how advantageous of owning a private car can be. With a private car, people can plan their own journey, go somewhere whenever they want, take diversions to avoid bad traffic, avoid long queue for ticketing and enjoy the utmost flexibility and privacy of a soothing journey. This is a very handy thing in the emergency cases. For example, when someone gets sick, his family members can easily take him to a hospital regardless of the time. Finally, owning a private car offers someone the freedom to enjoy his time during the journey while it is quite impossible on a public bus. On the contrary, private car ownership has many demerits as well. It is far more expensive than public transportation. The cost of fuel, driver, licence, insurance, maintenance, repairing etc. will often increase the monthly expense for a family. Furthermore, those cars produce toxic gas such as greenhouse gases, CO2 and CO that are harmful to the human health and the environment. Private cars are the main reason for congestion on the roads and the increasing environmental pollution. To some up, I think the private car is a very useful vehicle that offers more advantages than demerits to its owner. However, the environmental issues due to excessive use of cars should not be ignored and we should use private cars absolutely when it is necessary and at other times, we should use public transportations.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use plural time phrase Original: In the ancient time Suggested revision: In ancient times Why it matters: Ancient times is the standard expression for this historical period.
- 2. Separate independent clauses Original: ships and this development Suggested revision: ships, and this development Why it matters: A comma is needed before and when it joins two independent clauses.
- 3. Use natural income phrase Original: People with low-income class Suggested revision: People on low incomes Why it matters: On low incomes is the standard expression for people with limited earnings.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: dream to own a car Suggested revision: dream of owning a car Why it matters: Dream takes of followed by a gerund when describing an aspiration.
- 5. Remove incorrect preposition Original: how advantageous of owning Suggested revision: how advantageous owning Why it matters: The adjective advantageous does not take of before this gerund subject.
- 6. Use standard traffic phrase Original: bad Suggested revision: heavy Why it matters: Heavy traffic is the standard collocation for congested roads.
- 7. Use plural count nouns Original: long queue for ticketing Suggested revision: long queues for tickets Why it matters: The general statement requires plural queues and the natural noun tickets.
- 8. Clarify the travel benefit Original: the utmost flexibility and privacy of a soothing journey Suggested revision: maximum flexibility and privacy during a comfortable journey Why it matters: The replacement uses natural collocations for flexibility, privacy, and travel comfort.
- 9. Use precise formal wording Original: a very handy thing Suggested revision: a valuable benefit Why it matters: Valuable benefit precisely describes the usefulness of a car in emergencies.
- 10. Use natural plural phrase Original: in the emergency cases Suggested revision: in emergencies Why it matters: In emergencies is the standard general expression and needs no article.
- 11. Use suitable contrast Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: However Why it matters: However introduces disadvantages after advantages without implying that the preceding statement is false.
- 12. Make the cost list parallel Original: cost of fuel, driver, licence, insurance, maintenance, repairing etc. Suggested revision: costs of fuel, hiring a driver, licensing, insurance, maintenance, and repairs Why it matters: The revised list uses parallel noun forms and a plural head noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- In the ancient time In ancient times
- ships and this development ships, and this development
- People with low-income class People on low incomes
- dream to own a car dream of owning a car
- how advantageous of owning how advantageous owning
- bad heavy
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay maintains a clear view that private cars offer greater benefits and supports it with detailed points about flexibility, privacy, emergencies, expense, congestion, and pollution. Its argument is relevant and easy to follow, but the historical opening is longer than necessary, the one-block layout weakens organisation, and several awkward expressions reduce precision. Prioritise clear paragraphing and more natural academic collocations while retaining the effective practical examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response discusses both sides, sustains a clear position, and develops the principal advantages and disadvantages with relevant detail and an example.
Shorten the historical background and explicitly explain why the practical benefits outweigh the environmental and financial costs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly from advantages to disadvantages and a qualified conclusion, but one-block presentation and repetitive sequencing reduce readability.
Use distinct introduction, advantages, disadvantages, and conclusion paragraphs, each centred on one stage of the argument.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad topic vocabulary, but several awkward collocations and countability choices reduce naturalness.
Use phrases such as in ancient times, low-income people, avoid heavy traffic, queue for tickets, in emergencies, and public transport.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is used and meaning remains clear, though errors in articles, agreement, comparison structures, and punctuation recur.
Proofread long sentences for complete parallel structures and accurate noun phrases, especially descriptions of people, costs, and emissions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people claim that there are more disadvantages of the car than its advantages. Do you agree or disagree? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of having a car.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.