Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's increasingly competitive world, education plays an essential role and some claim that schools should teach science and technology-related subjects to learners and ignore music, sports and arts that are not directly related to jobs they will likely have in the future. I agree that schools should primarily offer subjects that directly contribute to career success, as these provide tangible benefits and better align students’ academic experiences with real-world demands.
Firstly, focusing on career-oriented subjects enables students to acquire specialised knowledge and skills that significantly enhance their employability. In an ever-evolving job market, proficiency in disciplines such as science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business, and language skills are highly sought after by employers. By allocating resources and instructional time to these areas, educational institutions can ensure students are effectively prepared for future professional challenges. For instance, graduates with expertise in computer programming or data analysis are in high demand, commanding lucrative salaries and experiencing stable career growth.
Secondly, concentrating solely on practical subjects can streamline educational experiences, leading to improved academic outcomes. Often, students spend valuable time on peripheral activities such as music or sports, diverting their attention from core academic competencies. While recreational activities have their benefits, they can be pursued as extracurricular interests outside of formal schooling hours. By prioritising subjects with clear vocational relevance, schools facilitate a more focused educational environment, ultimately enhancing academic performance and future career success. For example, educational systems like those in Singapore place significant emphasis on academic rigour, resulting in graduates with excellent employment prospects.
In conclusion, given the demands of the contemporary job market and the need for specialised knowledge, it is essential for educational institutions to prioritise subjects directly beneficial to students' professional futures. Though subjects like music and sports offer personal enrichment, they should be considered supplementary and pursued outside the formal educational structure.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Keep subjects parallel Original: music, sports and arts Suggested revision: music, sport, and art Why it matters: The singular mass-noun forms name school subjects consistently.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: jobs they will likely have Suggested revision: careers they are likely to pursue Why it matters: This phrasing describes students' future professional paths more naturally.
- 3. Clarify the reference Original: as these provide Suggested revision: as these subjects provide Why it matters: Naming subjects removes ambiguity in the demonstrative reference.
- 4. Fix subject agreement Original: proficiency in disciplines such as science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business, and language skills are Suggested revision: proficiency in disciplines such as science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business, and languages is Why it matters: The head noun proficiency is singular, and languages is parallel with the other disciplines.
- 5. Remove redundancy Original: future professional challenges Suggested revision: professional challenges Why it matters: The preparation context already makes the future reference clear.
- 6. Use natural wording Original: commanding lucrative salaries Suggested revision: earning high salaries Why it matters: Graduates earn salaries, which is clearer and less inflated.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: experiencing stable career growth Suggested revision: enjoying stable career progression Why it matters: Career progression is the more natural collocation.
- 8. Use concise wording Original: formal schooling hours Suggested revision: school hours Why it matters: School hours communicates the same meaning more directly.
- 9. Use formal comparison Original: educational systems like those in Singapore Suggested revision: educational systems such as Singapore's Why it matters: Such as introduces the example more formally and concisely.
- 10. Use parallel adjectives Original: science and technology-related subjects Suggested revision: scientific and technological subjects Why it matters: Parallel adjectives make the category more concise and natural.
- 11. Use precise terminology Original: career-oriented subjects Suggested revision: vocationally relevant subjects Why it matters: This phrase identifies the stated link to employment more precisely.
- 12. Use neutral wording Original: peripheral activities Suggested revision: non-vocational subjects Why it matters: This neutral term avoids dismissing music and sport as marginal activities.
Suggested Rewrites
- music, sports and arts music, sport, and art
- jobs they will likely have careers they are likely to pursue
- as these provide as these subjects provide
- proficiency in disciplines such as science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business, and language skills are proficiency in disciplines such as science, technology, engineering, mathematics, business, and languages is
- future professional challenges professional challenges
- commanding lucrative salaries earning high salaries
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response’s strongest feature is a clear, consistently developed position supported by relevant arguments about employability, academic focus and vocational relevance, with specific examples. Its main limitation is minor rather than score-limiting: it treats music and sports mainly as distractions and could engage more directly with their transferable benefits before rejecting their place in the formal curriculum. The best refinement is to address that counterargument explicitly while preserving the strong structure and precision.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question, sustains a clear position and develops two relevant reasons with specific examples and a brief concession about enrichment.
Strengthen the evaluation by acknowledging transferable skills from music and sport and explaining why those benefits still do not justify curriculum priority.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, two focused body paragraphs and conclusion form a clear progression, with cohesive devices used effectively and paragraphing logically managed.
As a refinement, reduce overt sequencing words where the topic sentences already make the argumentative structure clear.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible, precise and appropriately academic, including “career-oriented,” “ever-evolving,” “vocational relevance,” “academic rigour” and “personal enrichment.”
Avoid slight semantic overstatement in describing all music and sport as “peripheral,” using a more qualified term where appropriate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is accurately controlled, with strong punctuation and clause management and only rare minor agreement awkwardness.
Refine the subject agreement in the sentence beginning “proficiency in disciplines” by making “skills” the grammatical head or using “is highly sought after.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.