Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The debate surrounding the curriculum in schools often revolves around whether educational institutions should solely focus on subjects deemed directly beneficial to students' future careers, disregarding others such as music and sports. While some advocate for a curriculum exclusively tailored to career-related subjects, I firmly disagree with this notion.
One primary reason why I disagree with teaching only career-oriented subjects in school is that neglecting subjects like music and sports undermines the holistic development of students. Music, for example, fosters creativity, discipline, and emotional expression, while sports instil teamwork, leadership, and physical health - skills invaluable in various professional arenas. If students are taught only science and technology-related subjects and are never exposed to subjects like music, sports and so on, they are deprived of a well-rounded education and perhaps fail to benefit society with their work.
Moreover, an education system solely focused on career-oriented subjects neglects the diverse talents and interests of students. Not all individuals are inclined towards science and technology-related fields; some excel in creative or athletic domains. A well-rounded education that includes music and sports encourages a balanced development of cognitive, emotional, and physical aspects, nurturing students' diverse talents and potential. It is evident that schools that offer such well-rounded education often create leaders in sports, arts, scientists and mathematicians.
In conclusion, while career-focused subjects are undeniably essential, dismissing the significance of music and sports in education is short-sighted. I believe that equipping students with different types of subjects including arts and sports is essential not only for their future careers but also for a well-rounded and enriched life.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural phrasing Original: debate surrounding the curriculum in schools Suggested revision: debate about school curricula Why it matters: This phrasing is more concise and idiomatic while preserving the topic.
- 2. Place adverb naturally Original: should solely focus Suggested revision: should focus solely Why it matters: Placing the adverb after the verb produces a more natural verb phrase.
- 3. Name the omitted items Original: disregarding others Suggested revision: while disregarding subjects Why it matters: The replacement makes the reference to school subjects explicit.
- 4. Improve word order Original: curriculum exclusively tailored Suggested revision: curriculum tailored exclusively Why it matters: This word order makes the scope of “exclusively” clearer.
- 5. Use an em dash Original: physical health - skills Suggested revision: physical health—skills Why it matters: An em dash, rather than a spaced hyphen, correctly introduces the explanatory phrase.
- 6. Avoid vague wording Original: sports and so on Suggested revision: sports and other non-career subjects Why it matters: The replacement states the category directly instead of using the vague phrase “and so on.”
- 7. Add missing article Original: such well-rounded education Suggested revision: such a well-rounded education Why it matters: The singular countable noun phrase requires the article “a.”
- 8. Restore parallel structure Original: leaders in sports, arts, scientists and mathematicians Suggested revision: leaders in sport and the arts, as well as scientists and mathematicians Why it matters: The revision separates leaders from the other professions and makes the list grammatically parallel.
- 9. Use precise wording Original: different types of subjects Suggested revision: a diverse range of subjects Why it matters: This phrase expresses curricular breadth more naturally and precisely.
- 10. Align number and structure Original: for a well-rounded and enriched life Suggested revision: for leading well-rounded and enriched lives Why it matters: The plural “lives” agrees more clearly with “students,” and “leading” completes the parallel meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- debate surrounding the curriculum in schools debate about school curricula
- should solely focus should focus solely
- disregarding others while disregarding subjects
- curriculum exclusively tailored curriculum tailored exclusively
- physical health - skills physical health—skills
- sports and so on sports and other non-career subjects
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response maintains a clear position and develops two relevant, logically sequenced reasons with confident, varied language and strong grammatical control. Its main limitation is that some claims about social benefits and schools producing leaders remain broad or imprecisely expressed, so the highest-priority improvement is to support each central point with a more specific, credible example and explain the causal link fully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is explicit throughout, and both reasons are relevant and substantially developed.
Strengthen the argument by adding a concrete example and fully explaining how each benefit affects future success.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices used naturally and clearly.
Make the final sentence of each body paragraph tie its supporting points more precisely to the central argument.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective academic phrasing across the response.
Refine awkward expressions such as schools creating leaders in several fields to achieve more exact meaning.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is handled accurately, and errors are rare and non-impeding.
Polish coordination and list structure so parallel items remain grammatically and logically consistent.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Schools should only offer subjects that are beneficial to students’ future career success. Other subjects, such as music and sports, are not important. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.