In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?
Sample Response
The possibility of a future where cash will no longer be accepted at stores as a payment method has long been a subject of intense debate. In this essay, we will explore why such a scenario is plausible, and the potential reasons why some individuals may be reluctant to abandon the use of cash.
The rapid advancement of technology and changing consumer preferences make it increasingly plausible that cashless transactions will dominate in the future. With the rise of digital payment methods, such as cards and mobile payments, cash transactions have already seen a decline in many parts of the world. Scandinavian countries, such as Sweden, have made significant strides in becoming cashless societies. Many establishments, including public transportation and small businesses, now only accept digital payments. The convenience, speed, and security offered by cashless transactions have led to a seamless and efficient payment experience for both consumers and businesses. It validates the forecast that we will indeed live in a cashless society in the future.
Despite the potential benefits of a cashless society, some people may be hesitant to abandon the use of cash due to various reasons. One significant concern is the issue of privacy and data security. Digital transactions leave a trail of personal information, raising apprehensions about data breaches and unauthorized access to sensitive financial details. In some countries, particularly among the older population, there is a sense of mistrust towards digital platforms and fear of falling victim to cyber fraud. For these individuals, cash offers a tangible and anonymous mode of payment, providing a sense of security and control over their financial transactions. Additionally, cashless systems may inadvertently exclude individuals who do not have access to digital technology or who face barriers to technology adoption, leading to concerns of financial exclusion and marginalisation.
In conclusion, the transition to a cashless society seems inevitable given the rapid pace of technological advancements. However, some individuals may be reluctant to embrace this change due to concerns surrounding data privacy and potential financial exclusion.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural preposition Original: accepted at stores as a payment method Suggested revision: accepted in shops as a payment method Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the more natural preposition and matches the task's context.
- 2. Reduce formulaic wording Original: a subject of intense debate Suggested revision: widely debated Why it matters: This concise form conveys the same meaning without a heavy stock phrase.
- 3. Strengthen parallel structure Original: why such a scenario is plausible, and the potential reasons why Suggested revision: why such a scenario is plausible and why Why it matters: Parallel question clauses make the essay outline smoother and easier to follow.
- 4. Improve collocation Original: in Suggested revision: towards Why it matters: The revised preposition forms the more natural collocation for progress toward a goal.
- 5. Use correct reason phrase Original: due to various reasons Suggested revision: for various reasons Why it matters: The preposition for is the idiomatic choice before the noun reasons.
- 6. Name the concern directly Original: the issue of privacy and data security Suggested revision: concerns about privacy and data security Why it matters: This wording states the specific concern more directly and naturally.
- 7. Use natural collocation Original: apprehensions Suggested revision: concerns Why it matters: The revised phrase uses the standard collocation in this context.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Many establishments, including public transportation and small businesses, now only accept digital payments. Suggested revision: Many services and establishments, including public transport networks and small businesses, now accept only digital payments. Why it matters: The rewrite avoids classifying public transport as an establishment and places the limiting adverb beside what it limits.
- 9. Sentence rewrite Original: It validates the forecast that we will indeed live in a cashless society in the future. Suggested revision: These developments support the prediction that society will eventually become cashless. Why it matters: A specific plural reference replaces the vague pronoun and links the inference clearly to the preceding evidence.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: In some countries, particularly among the older population, there is a sense of mistrust towards digital platforms and fear of falling victim to cyber fraud. Suggested revision: In some countries, older people in particular may mistrust digital platforms and fear becoming victims of cyber fraud. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward shift from countries to a population group and uses natural verb patterns.
Suggested Rewrites
- accepted at stores as a payment method accepted in shops as a payment method
- a subject of intense debate widely debated
- why such a scenario is plausible, and the potential reasons why why such a scenario is plausible and why
- in towards
- due to various reasons for various reasons
- the issue of privacy and data security concerns about privacy and data security
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response fully addresses both questions with a clear position, relevant examples, and consistently controlled, precise language. Its main limitation is that a few claims about the inevitability and security of cashless payment are stated somewhat broadly, while several phrases sound formulaic. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify these claims and connect the supporting example more explicitly to why a completely cashless future is likely.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered directly through a clear prediction and well-developed reasons for resistance to cashlessness.
Qualify the claim of inevitability and explain more precisely how the Sweden example supports a universal future trend.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, two well-organised body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.
Make the reference in “It validates the forecast” more explicit to strengthen the connection between the example and the inference.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced discussion of technology, privacy, security, and financial exclusion.
Replace slightly formulaic or imprecise combinations such as “due to various reasons” with more direct phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately, with only rare awkwardness that does not impede meaning.
Refine article, reference, and clause choices in the few slightly awkward sentences to make the prose more natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the future, people may no longer be able to pay for things in shops using cash. All payments may have to be made by card or using phones. Do you think this will happen one day? Why do you think some people might not be happy to give up using cash?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.