Coins and paper money will soon be replaced by credit and bank cards. Eventually, we will have a cashless society which will be safer and more convenient for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
With technological advancesWith the technological advancements in the banking system, nowadays, peoplenowadays people are presented with numerous payment optionsways of paying for purchases. It is often said that electronic bank cardselectronically operated banking cards will displace the use of paper money and coins. However, I don’t believe that modern payment methods will completely replacetake over completely from traditional banknotes and coins. There are various advantages of modern payment methodsadvantages of modern monetary exchange. Firstly, it is now increasingly common for people to shop online where cash cannot be usedwhere they cannot use paper money and coins to pay. Thus, people are increasingly embracingpeople eventually embrace modern methods of paymentthe modern method of payment to be able to participate in online commerce. Secondly, the security features of credit cards and online payment methodscredit cards and online method of monetary exchange give authorities the ability to tracecapability of tracing the use of the cards. However, if a person carrying cash is robbed, thenif the person carrying money is robbed then it is difficult to find out where the stolen money was spentwhere the stolen money is used. Furthermore, the safety features of modern monetary exchange will be invaluable for people who want to keep their hard-earned money safe. Even though electronic cards have brought considerable comfort and conveniencetremendous comforts and convenience to people, these cannot entirely replace traditional forms of moneythe traditional money exchange. Paper money and metal coins have long been used as a medium of exchange and a standard of value in almost all societies. Thus, the traditional monetary system has a cultural, historical and social background which are impossible to change. Internet banking is not always fully securesecured. There is ample evidence of computer viruses, hackers and crimes. Humans have developed a certain emotional bondbonding with paper money and coins. Coin collectors, for example, will inevitably get hurt after entire replacement of traditional money and coins. In conclusion, the modern monetary exchange has certainly benefited people by bringing convenience and avoiding certain problems from using paper money and coins.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly contrasts the convenience and traceability of electronic payments with reasons cash may persist, and its argument generally progresses in a logical direction. The main limitation is that some supporting claims are broad or unconvincing, while the conclusion does not reaffirm the stated disagreement. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the strongest counterarguments in greater depth and close with an explicit, consistent judgment on the prospect of a cashless society.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the prediction and its claimed benefits with a clear initial position and relevant arguments on both sides.
Strengthen the reasons cash will remain and restate the precise extent of disagreement in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas move clearly from electronic-payment benefits to counterarguments, though connective use is somewhat mechanical and paragraphing is not visible.
Use distinct body paragraphs and make the relationship between security risks, cultural value, and the final judgment more explicit.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of topic vocabulary, but recurring awkward collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use more precise combinations for payment methods, online banking security, convenience, and the replacement of cash.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Varied complex structures are generally controlled and meaning remains clear, despite occasional agreement and form errors.
Check agreement in longer noun phrases and revise awkward passive or prepositional constructions before finalizing the response.