Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Sample Essay
Nowadays celebrities make more money compared to people working in politics. This essay will look at the possible causes of this tendency and explain why, in my opinion, this is a negative development.
There are two main reasons why celebrities generate more income than politicians. One of them is that with the advent of the Internet, there are more ways available for celebrities to earn money, such as online streaming services. For example, singing a song in a YouTube video with some advertisements enables them to easily make a few million dollars. Another cogent reason for this is the growing global concerns over excessively high remuneration for political leaders, which can easily lead to public discontent. In response to such criticism, many governments have decided to reform the reward system for lawmakers, sending their salaries on a downward trend.
I personally believe that this development is relatively negative for several reasons, with the main one being the potential corruption scandals this issue can create. The enormous salary gap between celebrities and political leaders might discourage the legislators from putting in work or even motivate them to commit crimes such as money laundering. In addition, the relatively low salary for stressful jobs of governors may deter people with foresight on politics from becoming politicians. This is particularly undesirable because it would result in low level of citizens’ loyalty to their incompetent government, creating unstable society with more crime and other social problems.
In conclusion, the fact that celebrities are paid more than political leaders now is caused by a wider variety of income sources available to them, and supported by the social norm that a politician should not be a profit driven professional. However, I believe this is a negative trend which may lead to more political corruption and less talented governments.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove source heading Original: Sample Essay Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: This label is not part of the essay and interrupts the opening.
- 2. Use concise comparison Original: make more money compared to people working in politics Suggested revision: earn more money than politicians Why it matters: The replacement uses a more direct verb and the standard comparative structure.
- 3. Clarify the action Original: singing a song in a YouTube video Suggested revision: posting a song on YouTube Why it matters: The replacement more clearly expresses how online content is made available.
- 4. Use precise modifier Original: with some advertisements Suggested revision: containing advertisements Why it matters: This participial phrase expresses the relationship to the video more precisely.
- 5. Use uncountable noun Original: the growing global concerns Suggested revision: growing global concern Why it matters: “Concern” is uncountable when it refers generally to public anxiety about one issue.
- 6. Use direct wording Original: sending their salaries on a downward trend Suggested revision: reducing their salaries Why it matters: The replacement states the salary change directly and avoids an awkward collocation.
- 7. Use natural expression Original: putting in work Suggested revision: doing their jobs Why it matters: The replacement is a more natural formal expression for performing required work.
- 8. Correct collocation Original: foresight on politics Suggested revision: political insight Why it matters: “Foresight on politics” is not an idiomatic expression for political understanding.
- 9. Add required article Original: low level of citizens’ loyalty Suggested revision: a low level of citizens’ loyalty Why it matters: The singular countable noun “level” requires an article here.
- 10. Add required article Original: unstable society Suggested revision: an unstable society Why it matters: The singular countable noun “society” requires an article.
- 11. Choose suitable adjective Original: talented Suggested revision: capable Why it matters: “Capable” describes institutional effectiveness more naturally than “talented.”
Suggested Rewrites
- Sample Essay Delete
- make more money compared to people working in politics earn more money than politicians
- singing a song in a YouTube video posting a song on YouTube
- with some advertisements containing advertisements
- the growing global concerns growing global concern
- sending their salaries on a downward trend reducing their salaries
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response fully addresses both questions, maintains a clear negative position, and organises its causes and consequences into a persuasive progression. Its main limitation is imprecise expression in several otherwise sophisticated claims, especially around political salaries, corruption, and the qualities needed in politicians. Focus on choosing more natural collocations and qualifying speculative cause-and-effect links so the strong ideas are conveyed with greater precision and credibility.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are answered directly with a clear position, relevant causes, and well-developed negative consequences.
Qualify the more speculative link between salary gaps and crimes such as money laundering, or support it with a more plausible causal explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses clearly from causes to evaluation, with effective paragraphing and cohesive links that remain unobtrusive.
Tighten the final chain from less capable politicians to social instability so each consequence follows more explicitly from the preceding one.
Lexical Resource
The response demonstrates broad topic vocabulary and an ability to discuss remuneration, public discontent, corruption, and political competence.
Improve collocational precision in phrases such as 'foresight on politics', 'less talented governments', and 'putting in work'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex structures are used flexibly and mostly accurately, although several article, number, and preposition slips remain visible.
Edit noun phrases carefully for articles and plurality, especially 'low level', 'unstable society', and references to salaries and political roles.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.