Food can be produced much more cheaply today because of improved fertilizers and better machinery. However, some of the methods used to do this may be dangerous to human health and may have negative effects on local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
Improved fertilizers can boost crop yieldshave undoubtedly boosted crop yields, thereby ensuringensuring a more abundant food supply, while advanced machineryfood supply and sophisticated machinery has increased efficiency in farming operations. I partially agree with the statement that food production has become more economical due to improvedenhanced fertilizers and machinery, but I also acknowledge the potential risks associated with these production methodsthese advancements.
However, the increased use of certain fertilizers and pesticides raises concerns about their impact on human health and the environment because crops treated with them are no longer grown entirely naturallyas they are not naturally grown anymore. Some of these chemicals have been linked to adverse health effectshealth issues, and their residues may enter the food chainmay find their way into the food chain, posing risks to consumers. Furthermore, the extensive use of machinery can lead to soil degradation and compaction, affecting the long-term sustainability of agriculture.
In terms of negative effects on local communities, the intensification of farming practices may lead to the displacement of small-scale farmers and the loss of traditional agricultural systemsthe displacement of small-scale farmers and traditional agricultural systems. Large-scale industrial farming can sometimes overuseexploit natural resources and disrupt local ecosystems, threatening the livelihoods of people who depend on those resourcesthose dependent on them.
In conclusion, it is to be noted that while the economic benefits are apparent, it is crucial to strike a balance by adopting sustainable practices for the long term that prioritize human health, environmental conservation, and the well-being of local communities.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is logically organised and uses a suitably formal range of language to discuss economic benefits alongside health and community risks. Its main limitation is insufficient development: at 209 words, several claims remain general, and the link between environmental harm and effects on local communities is only briefly explained. Expand each main point with a specific causal explanation or example, while maintaining the current clear progression and careful sentence control.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear partial-agreement position addresses the main claims, but the under-length response develops its relevant ideas only briefly and sometimes generally.
Reach the required length by adding a specific example and a fuller explanation of how industrial farming directly affects local communities.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically sequenced in focused paragraphs, with clear progression from benefits to health, environmental, and community concerns.
Refine the transition into the first risk paragraph so however contrasts explicitly with a clearly completed benefits point rather than the thesis itself.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of formal, topic-appropriate vocabulary with generally accurate control, despite occasional imprecise reference and repetition.
Use more exact wording for chemical inputs and crops, avoiding unclear expressions such as fertilizers being not naturally grown.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex sentences is handled accurately overall, with only occasional punctuation and construction problems.
Check coordination in long sentences, adding punctuation or restructuring clauses so independent ideas are joined cleanly.