Children who grew up in poor families are more prepared for difficulties in life than children who grew up in a wealthy family. Do you agree or disagree.
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Sample Response
I do agree withto the statement that children brought up in poor families are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.wealthy parents
Children of poor parents are prematurely exposed to the problems of adult life such aseg. learning to survive on a low family income and sacrificing luxuries for essential items. These children begin to see the realities of life in their home or social environment. Their parentspatents’ own struggles serve as an example to them.
These children are taught necessary skills for survival as an adult from a very early age. Many children eg work on weekendsin the weekends or holidays to either earncollect some pocket money or even contribute to their family income. A good example is the many children who accompany their parents to sell produce at the market. They are making a direct contribution to their families in terms of labour or income. Children of poor families are also highly motivated. They tend to set high goals to improve their economic and social situation. A relevant example would be Mr. Bill Gates( founder of Microsoft Corporation). He had an impoverished background, but he used his talent and motivation to set up the world’s largest technology companiescomputer organization.
However, there are some problems that children from poor backgrounds do encounter. Many of these children who are “robbed” of their childhood such as through child labour,eg while working, may feel cheated. They often turn to crime. This, however, is a small group.
In summing up, children with impoverished backgrounds are able to deal with problems of adult life because of early exposure, family role models and sheer motivation.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly states an opinion and supports it with relevant points such as early responsibility and strong motivation. However, the contrast with children from wealthy families is underdeveloped, and some examples lack accuracy. To improve, strengthen the comparative argument and ensure supporting factual examples are precise and logical.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The main position is clear throughout the essay, though the comparison with children from wealthy families needs deeper exploration.
Explicitly contrast both groups throughout the main body paragraphs to address all parts of the prompt equally.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is arranged logically with a clear overall progression, although some transitions between sentences feel slightly abrupt.
Use formal linking words instead of abbreviations like 'eg.' to improve cohesion between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used is generally adequate and appropriate for the topic, with some effective phrasing related to poverty and motivation.
Incorporate a wider variety of precise academic vocabulary while avoiding informal abbreviations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is used with fair control, despite occasional minor punctuation and grammatical errors.
Proofread for minor grammatical inaccuracies, such as prepositions and punctuation around abbreviations, to increase accuracy.