Nowadays it is more difficult for children to concentrate to pay attention in school. Discuss the causes and propose some solutions.
Sample Response
In today’s world, it has become harder for children to concentrate in the school and school environment, teachers’ behaviour, school administration and lack of interests in the study are some of the main reasons for that. In the following paragraphs, I would briefly discuss the main reasons for this problem and would propose some solutions to address this sensitive issue.
The school surroundings should be pleasant and should have a cool atmosphere. In the noisy environment, children cannot pay attention in the class periods. Apart from that, nowadays the schools are treating students in the wrong way. The faculties are giving them to remember the answers without actually doing the brainstorm and creative way of learning. The children just memorising it and write those in the exams. That sometimes brings frustration among the students.
Students have more fun stuff at home than they do have in schools. Like video games, computers, TV are more attractive and entertaining than studying in school. The teachers sometimes become harsh and that negatively affects the children’s thought. A proper environment is not ensured in many schools and students find it hard to study in a noisy and polluted environment. Very less interactive and interesting sessions are conducted by the school authority. Furthermore, very frequent exam schedules and pressure of study is another reason why students fear school. Teacher’s lack of knowledge and proper training sometimes makes them behave rudely. Alarmingly, the study has become more theoretical than practical and as a consequence, the students’ interest in academic subjects is declining.
Some of the proposed solutions to address this very frightening issue are suggested in the below paragraph. I believe being able to address this issue would be a great benefit for our future. School should be primarily a place for study but fun stuff should be present as well. Academic exams and classes should be scheduled in a way that gives the students that they are not being pressurised. Extra-curricular activities should be practised more. Frequent appreciation and prizes should be awarded to the students for their performance. E-learning and flexible class should be introduced. More practical aspects than theoretical aspects of education should be introduced.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Uncountable phrase Original: lack of interests Suggested revision: lack of interest Why it matters: Interest is singular in this fixed phrase.
- 2. Article use Original: In the noisy environment Suggested revision: In a noisy environment Why it matters: A is needed because this refers to any noisy school environment.
- 3. Verb pattern Original: giving them to remember Suggested revision: making them memorise Why it matters: Give them to remember is not a correct verb pattern.
- 4. Wrong phrase Original: doing the brainstorm Suggested revision: thinking critically Why it matters: Brainstorm is not used this way in the sentence.
- 5. Missing verb Original: The children just memorising it and write those Suggested revision: The children just memorise them and write them Why it matters: The sentence needs a finite verb and matching pronouns.
- 6. Informal wording Original: fun stuff Suggested revision: entertaining activities Why it matters: Fun stuff is too informal for IELTS Task 2.
- 7. Incorrect quantifier Original: Very less interactive Suggested revision: Very few interactive Why it matters: Use few with countable plural nouns such as sessions.
- 8. Plural noun Original: flexible class should be introduced Suggested revision: flexible classes should be introduced Why it matters: Classes should be plural when discussing school programmes generally.
- 9. Cleaner introduction Original: In today’s world, it has become harder for children to concentrate in the school and school environment, teachers’ behaviour, school administration and lack of interests in the study are some of the main reasons for that. Suggested revision: In today's world, many children find it harder to concentrate at school because of noisy classrooms, uninspiring teaching methods and digital distractions. Why it matters: The revised sentence is clearer and identifies causes more precisely.
- 10. Rewrite unclear sentence Original: The faculties are giving them to remember the answers without actually doing the brainstorm and creative way of learning. Suggested revision: Some teachers ask students to memorise answers instead of encouraging critical thinking and creative learning. Why it matters: The original has incorrect vocabulary and verb patterns.
- 11. Academic tone Original: Students have more fun stuff at home than they do have in schools. Suggested revision: Students often have more entertaining distractions at home than they have at school. Why it matters: This keeps the meaning but uses more suitable Task 2 language.
- 12. Avoid filler Original: Some of the proposed solutions to address this very frightening issue are suggested in the below paragraph. Suggested revision: Several practical solutions could make school more engaging and improve children's concentration. Why it matters: This sentence should introduce the solution argument directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- lack of interests lack of interest
- In the noisy environment In a noisy environment
- giving them to remember making them memorise
- doing the brainstorm thinking critically
- The children just memorising it and write those The children just memorise them and write them
- fun stuff entertaining activities
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses causes and solutions, but many points are listed quickly and not developed with clear explanation or examples.
Choose two main causes and two matching solutions, then explain each with cause, effect, and a practical example.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is basic paragraphing, but progression is uneven and the final solutions paragraph becomes a list.
Organise the essay into cause one, cause two, solution one, solution two, with clear links between each problem and solution.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is understandable but often repetitive or imprecise, with several unnatural phrases.
Replace vague words like fun stuff and frightening issue with precise academic language such as digital distractions and serious educational concern.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in sentence structure, articles, verb forms, and word choice reduce clarity, although the main message is usually understandable.
Practise rewriting long ideas as shorter accurate sentences before combining them.