In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
Child labour has significantly increased in developing countries over the last few years. Due to the high inflation, more people are susceptible to send their children to paid activities. Some people argue that children involvement in work could lead to severe problems. Others state that paid world could help enormously in developing skills, confidence and other essentials traits of professional lives. I believe that children involvement in work has dire consequences. It is often seen that children are more opted towards bad activities, those start working in their childhood. They have to interact with various types of peoples in order to perform their daily job. These people can take advantage of their innocence by involving them in suspicious activities. Children have been rewarded against that, this increases their hunger for money and thus they become criminals. However paid work plays a pivotal role in improving living conditions of peoples. Children start doing work in order to support their families financially. In recent years, life has become very difficult due to inflation. That is why the majority of poor people indulge their children in paid work. Furthermore, it could help immensely in their future. Learning skills open a new horizon of opportunities. In addition to this, individuals learn other essential skills such as teamwork, handling pressure situation and leadership. These skills could be beneficial for their future job. It is not unusual that many children are dropped out from their schools because of their need to work and earn. The jobs done by children are often risky and unsuitable for health. The owners often offer a fewer wage to child labours and behave badly with them. This has a very detrimental effect on children’s psychology. In conclusion, I believe that the disadvantages if paid work overweighs its advantages. The government should take necessary measures to eradicate this sin from society; youth are the future of any country and should not be deprived of their basic rights.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct complement Original: susceptible Suggested revision: likely Why it matters: Susceptible does not take an infinitive to express likelihood in this context.
- 2. Use possessive noun Original: children Suggested revision: children's Why it matters: The possessive form is needed before the noun involvement.
- 3. Correct word choice Original: world Suggested revision: work Why it matters: World is a word-choice error because the sentence refers to employment.
- 4. Use adjective form Original: essentials Suggested revision: essential Why it matters: Essential must be an adjective modifying traits.
- 5. Use plural correctly Original: peoples Suggested revision: people Why it matters: People is already the appropriate plural noun here.
- 6. Match plural subject Original: job Suggested revision: jobs Why it matters: The plural possessive subject calls for jobs when referring generally to different children's work.
- 7. Use people correctly Original: living conditions of peoples Suggested revision: people's living conditions Why it matters: Use the possessive form people's to show whose living conditions improve.
- 8. Choose accurate verb Original: indulge their children in paid work Suggested revision: push their children into paid work Why it matters: Indulge does not mean compel or encourage someone to work.
- 9. Add object pronoun Original: help immensely in their future Suggested revision: help them immensely in the future Why it matters: Help requires an object here, and in the future is the natural time expression.
- 10. Match gerund subject Original: open Suggested revision: opens Why it matters: The gerund phrase Learning skills functions as a singular subject.
- 11. Use active construction Original: are dropped out from their schools Suggested revision: drop out of school Why it matters: Drop out is normally active and takes the preposition of.
- 12. Use natural collocation Original: unsuitable for health Suggested revision: harmful to their health Why it matters: Harmful to their health expresses the intended risk naturally and precisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- susceptible likely
- children children's
- world work
- essentials essential
- peoples people
- job jobs
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear position and considers both the risks and possible benefits of children's paid work, with several relevant supporting points. Its main limitation is that development often relies on broad or weakly explained claims, while frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors reduce precision. Prioritise developing fewer claims with specific, credible explanations, then edit sentence structures, agreement, and collocations for clarity.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both sides are considered, but several relevant ideas rely on generalised or weakly supported claims.
Develop fewer main ideas through specific causal explanation or a credible example directly tied to child employment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence and uses linking expressions, although the single-block presentation and some abrupt connections weaken progression.
Separate the discussion into purposeful paragraphs and make each paragraph advance one clearly connected main idea.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some topic vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word-form choices reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward combinations such as those about paid work, people, and wages with accurate, context-appropriate collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mixture of simple and complex structures communicates the main meaning, but agreement, article, clause, and plural errors recur throughout.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement, noun forms, articles, and complete clause boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.