Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Sample Response
Nowadays, children are opting more and more junk foods over homemade foods. Although, such food has less nutritional value when compared to the homemade items, but still, the trend of eating fast food is catching fast among the younger generation. There are numerous reasons that are driving children towards unhealthy options.
To begin with, parents these days have long working hours and have littleless time to prepare food at home. Furthermore, more fast food shops are being opened every day on every street cornerat every corner of the street and these shops are easily accessibleapproachable and reasonably priced. Thus, childrenThus children these days are trying these foodsoptions and fast-food consumptionthe fast food consumption is increasing rapidlyfast. Moreover, eating at restaurants has also become a status symbola part of the status symbol among youngsters and as a result, young kids are spending a significant share of their pocket money at these places.
Such overconsumptionSuch an overconsumption of fast food can impact children's healththe health of the children. As fast foodAs the fast food is generally fried to taste good, eating too much fried foodthus having more of fried food can raise cholesterol levelsincrease cholesterol which in turn adversely affectsputs a bad effect on heart functionthe functioning of the heart. When food is friedWhen a food is fried, it loses its nutritional value, which leads to fatigue. EatingHaving junk food often can make children obese, whichchildren obese which is the main reason behind many health problems.
To sum up, even though fast food is easily available and not overpriced, it has less nutritional content. Consuming junk food can make children obese and cause more health problemsincrease health issues. Therefore, it is advisable to eat to homemade nutritious food item than fast food for a fit and healthy life.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response clearly organizes relevant causes and health consequences, and its central message remains easy to follow throughout. Its main limitation is that it does not directly evaluate how serious the consequences are, while frequent awkward collocations and grammatical constructions reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state and justify the degree of seriousness, using one carefully developed consequence in more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both causes and consequences are addressed with relevant ideas, but the seriousness of the consequences is not explicitly evaluated or fully developed.
State how serious the problem is and substantiate that judgement through a more detailed causal explanation or example.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a clear paragraph structure and understandable progression, though linking devices are sometimes mechanical or unnecessarily stacked.
Make the logical relationships within paragraphs clearer while reducing formulaic connectors such as furthermore, thus, and moreover.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary covers the topic adequately, but frequent collocational and word-form problems make the expression noticeably awkward.
Prioritize accurate common collocations, such as choose junk food over home-cooked meals and have an adverse effect.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring article, comparison, preposition, and clause-linking errors reduce control.
Proofread complex sentences for complete clause structure and remove double linkers such as although combined with but.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Children in many countries are eating more fast food and convenience snacks. Why are children doing this and how serious are the consequences?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.