It is suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Some people believe that children should learn how to grow vegetables and raise animals in primary school. I believe this is an absolute necessary life skill that all children must learn, and that there are essentially no negative sides to this argument.
Firstly, alongside sunlight and water, food is one of the basic necessities of life. Without these three things, human beings cannot survive, so it only serves to reason that it is highly important for children to learn how to provide themselves with the necessities of life. The current state of the world proves that globalisation only causes more problems than it solves, and therefore people must return to living in smaller, community-based societies where they are responsible for sustaining themselves, which means growing their own food. In many poorer, developing nations, this is still the case, however it is rapidly changing. Teaching people, especially children, how to grow their own food, is the first step back towards sustainable living.
Furthermore, learning how to grow your own food not only provides people with a sense of independence and freedom, but also helps them to connect with nature, which is one of the most effective stress relieving activities for people of any age. By learning how to grow food, children can learn about nature and will have a closer connection and better awareness of the food they eat. In turn, this will help them to make smarter dietary choices, by avoiding genetically modified and chemically grown foods that negatively impact their health, and therefore create societies of healthier people, which will have countless positive outcomes.
In conclusion, while some people may believe that there are more important subjects to learn at school, I believe that learning to grow vegetables and raise animals is one of the most important and practical life skills that people of all ages should have.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use adverb modifier Original: absolute Suggested revision: absolutely Why it matters: An adverb is required to modify the adjective 'necessary'.
- 2. Use precise wording Original: no negative sides to this argument Suggested revision: no significant disadvantages to this proposal Why it matters: The revised phrase states the evaluation more precisely and formally.
- 3. Improve complement order Original: provide themselves with the necessities of life Suggested revision: provide the necessities of life for themselves Why it matters: The revised order is more natural with 'provide' in this meaning.
- 4. Join clauses correctly Original: this is still the case, however it Suggested revision: this is still the case; however, it Why it matters: A semicolon and comma are needed when 'however' links two independent clauses.
- 5. Remove subject comma Original: their own food, is the first step Suggested revision: their own food is the first step Why it matters: A comma should not separate this gerund-phrase subject from its verb.
- 6. Keep pronouns consistent Original: your Suggested revision: their Why it matters: Third-person 'their' maintains consistency with the surrounding reference to people.
- 7. Remove unnecessary comma Original: smarter dietary choices, by avoiding Suggested revision: smarter dietary choices by avoiding Why it matters: The comma incorrectly separates the verb phrase from the method it introduces.
- 8. Clarify the modifier Original: chemically grown foods Suggested revision: foods grown using chemicals Why it matters: The revised phrase states the intended method clearly and avoids an awkward collocation.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: create societies of healthier people Suggested revision: help create healthier societies Why it matters: The revision expresses the same outcome more directly and naturally.
- 10. Use concise transition Original: Firstly Suggested revision: First Why it matters: The shorter transition is a more direct way to introduce the first main point.
- 11. Remove redundancy Original: basic necessities of life Suggested revision: necessities of life Why it matters: A necessity is already essential, so 'basic' adds little meaning here.
- 12. Improve parallel structure Original: children can learn about nature and will have Suggested revision: children can learn about nature and develop Why it matters: The coordinated verbs are clearer and more parallel when both follow the same modal.
Suggested Rewrites
- absolute absolutely
- no negative sides to this argument no significant disadvantages to this proposal
- provide themselves with the necessities of life provide the necessities of life for themselves
- this is still the case, however it this is still the case; however, it
- their own food, is the first step their own food is the first step
- your their
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay is logically organized and uses a confident range of language to explain several benefits, particularly self-sufficiency, connection with nature, and healthier choices. The main limitation is incomplete task coverage: animal care is barely developed and possible disadvantages are asserted away rather than weighed against the benefits. The highest priority is to compare at least one realistic drawback with the advantages and address both proposed activities directly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear position and develops several advantages, but it gives little attention to animal care or a meaningful comparison with disadvantages.
Address both growing vegetables and keeping animals, then weigh a realistic drawback against the stated benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas are arranged in clear paragraphs and progress logically, with cohesive devices used effectively despite occasional overextended sentences.
Make the comparison more explicit by linking each advantage to the specific disadvantage it outweighs.
Lexical Resource
A varied and generally precise vocabulary supports the argument, though a few word forms and collocations are inaccurate or overstated.
Refine expressions such as absolutely necessary and stress-relieving, and avoid absolute claims unless they are fully supported.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with generally good control, while occasional agreement, punctuation, and form errors remain.
Proofread long sentences for comma placement, agreement, and consistent pronoun reference.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.