It is suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
In the age of technological dominance, some people, quite interestingly, propose a retro teaching style for primary children: instructing them on vegetable and animal caring.
From my perspective, albeit some obvious advantages, they will be eclipsed by this educational method's considerable disadvantages.
On the bright side, lessons on vegetable and animal caring can bring certain benefits to primary students. The first rationale is that this educational approach effectively teaches
them about essential life skills for self-sufficiency. Growing vegetables and raising animals are practical skills that can accompany students throughout their life. Therefore, should
they learn these skills at a young age, self-sufficiency will become a simpler task for primary students upon adulthood. Furthermore, learning these skills instils a sense of
responsibility among primary pupils. Taking care of vegetables and animals requires tremendous agriculture-related knowledge and efforts, which can be done by a genuine sense of responsibility from the grower. Therefore, upon the learning process, schoolchildren will be moulded in conscientious citizens for the society who readily take accountability for their works.
On the flip side, however, these merits will be significantly outweighed by the demerits, one of which is the hurdle in facility method provisions for this teaching Agriculture-related skills call for actual live animals and fertile land areas in order for students to truly understand what is entailed in the process of vegetable and animal caring. This poses an arduous predicament to most primary schools, especially in urban areas because the above facilities are difficult to establish in city settings. What is an even more glaring drawback is the dubious application of these farming skills in real life. As the world progresses towards the technology-driven era, most students will adopt a more technology-related career orientation, which makes these skills appear to little avail for their future. Also, vegetables and livestock products are easily available; therefore, primary students will consider learning to grow vegetables and keeping animals are dundant task or even a distractor to their study.
In conclusion, although learning to grow vegetables and keep animals may seem a novel idea with certain benefits, its drawbacks are so considerable that it is worth a second thought. Therefore, these skills should only be optional at primary schools since students' long-term personal development is still given precedence.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise phrasing Original: retro teaching style Suggested revision: traditional teaching approach Why it matters: This phrase conveys the intended contrast more precisely and neutrally.
- 2. Use natural collocation Original: instructing them on vegetable and animal caring Suggested revision: teaching them to grow vegetables and care for animals Why it matters: The replacement uses natural verb patterns for the two practical activities.
- 3. Fix concessive structure Original: albeit Suggested revision: despite Why it matters: Albeit normally introduces an adjective or subordinate clause rather than this noun phrase.
- 4. Clarify the reference Original: they will be eclipsed Suggested revision: these advantages will be eclipsed Why it matters: Naming the advantages removes the unclear pronoun reference.
- 5. Use natural phrasing Original: lessons on vegetable and animal caring Suggested revision: lessons on growing vegetables and caring for animals Why it matters: The gerund phrases express the activities idiomatically.
- 6. Choose natural wording Original: rationale Suggested revision: reason Why it matters: Reason is the natural word for introducing this supporting point.
- 7. Improve the collocation Original: accompany students throughout their life Suggested revision: benefit students throughout their lives Why it matters: Skills benefit people over time rather than accompany them literally.
- 8. Express the outcome clearly Original: will become a simpler task Suggested revision: will be easier to achieve Why it matters: This wording describes attaining self-sufficiency more naturally.
- 9. Use correct time phrase Original: upon Suggested revision: in Why it matters: In adulthood is the idiomatic expression for this stage of life.
- 10. Refine word choice Original: tremendous agriculture-related knowledge and efforts Suggested revision: substantial agricultural knowledge and effort Why it matters: The replacement uses the appropriate adjective and uncountable form of effort.
- 11. Repair clause structure Original: which can be done by a genuine sense of responsibility from the grower Suggested revision: which demand a genuine sense of responsibility from the person caring for them Why it matters: The original passive construction does not express how the activities require responsibility.
- 12. Use natural preposition Original: upon the learning process Suggested revision: through this learning process Why it matters: Through correctly describes development during the process.
Suggested Rewrites
- retro teaching style traditional teaching approach
- instructing them on vegetable and animal caring teaching them to grow vegetables and care for animals
- albeit despite
- they will be eclipsed these advantages will be eclipsed
- lessons on vegetable and animal caring lessons on growing vegetables and caring for animals
- rationale reason
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response has a clear comparative position and develops both benefits and drawbacks through a logical discussion. Its main weakness is the repeated use of strained collocations and grammatically unstable sentences, especially in the disadvantages paragraph, which sometimes blurs otherwise relevant ideas. The highest priority is to express each argument in simpler, accurately controlled language and support the key drawbacks with more concrete explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response answers the comparative question clearly and develops relevant benefits and drawbacks, though some claims remain general or questionable.
Support the decisive disadvantages with specific, credible consequences and explain more precisely why they outweigh the benefits.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear advantages-versus-disadvantages structure, but awkward paragraph breaks and heavy linking reduce fluency.
Keep each body paragraph intact and use fewer overt signposts so connections emerge more naturally from the reasoning.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several statements sound strained.
Prioritise natural combinations such as caring for animals, providing facilities, and becoming conscientious citizens over unnecessarily elaborate wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but recurring agreement, clause-control, article, and sentence-boundary errors weaken accuracy.
Use shorter complex sentences and check that every clause has a clear subject, verb, and logical grammatical connection.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
It is suggested that primary school children should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.