In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the past, it was a custom for a father to be the only bread earner for the family. Fathers would go out to work and earn money to fulfil the families’ daily needs and mothers would stay home to take care of the children. However, nowadays, it is not rare to find both parents going out to work. Whilst the additional income might bring benefits to everyone especially the children, there are a number of drawbacks that cannot be overlooked. This essay will confer whether or not it is necessary for both parents to go out to earn money for a living. In some families, both parents are required to work not because of their own will, but because circumstances demand them to. As living cost and everything is getting more expensive in today’s competitive world, some families might not earn enough to cover their living cost if only one parent goes out to work. That being the case, there is nothing anyone can do to help. However, the benefit of the extra income for the children still remains unchanged. With more income, parents will be able to afford more new toys, the latest gadget, and even vacation abroad. On the other hand, children might feel abandoned due to their parents’ never being there for them. It is also proven that children’s, whose parents are never at home, are more prone to behavioural problems. For instance, my friend, Elaine, whose parents is always working overnight and is never there for her when she needs them, has to battle with her insecurity of being unwanted every day, she, in turn, tries to seek the attention of her teachers by behaving badly in the class. From my example, you can see how parents’ absence can affect children in the long run. As far as I am concerned, there is no need for both parents to be working unless it is really necessary. While additional income is benefiting for the children, the presence of a mother will be best for the children’s well-being in the long run.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use adjective form Original: it was a custom for Suggested revision: it was customary for Why it matters: The adjective “customary” is the natural form after “was.”
- 2. Clarify possession Original: the Suggested revision: their Why it matters: The possessive determiner must link each father to his family.
- 3. Use direct wording Original: not rare Suggested revision: common Why it matters: “Common” expresses the frequency more directly and naturally.
- 4. Mark added emphasis Original: everyone especially the children Suggested revision: everyone, especially the children Why it matters: A comma should set off the supplementary emphasis introduced by “especially.”
- 5. Correct verb choice Original: confer Suggested revision: consider Why it matters: “Confer” does not mean examine or discuss a question in this construction.
- 6. Remove redundant wording Original: go out to earn money for a living Suggested revision: work to earn a living Why it matters: This revision expresses the same idea without repeating the notion of earning money.
- 7. Use idiomatic phrase Original: not because of their own will Suggested revision: not by choice Why it matters: “Not by choice” is the natural expression for an involuntary decision.
- 8. Fix verb pattern Original: circumstances demand them to Suggested revision: circumstances require them to do so Why it matters: “Demand” cannot take a person followed by a to-infinitive in this pattern.
- 9. Use plural noun Original: cost Suggested revision: costs Why it matters: The general expenses of living are conventionally expressed with the plural noun “costs.”
- 10. Use precise wording Original: everything is getting more expensive Suggested revision: prices are rising Why it matters: This revision replaces the vague word “everything” with a precise description of increasing costs.
- 11. Use plural costs Original: cost Suggested revision: costs Why it matters: The plural form is required when referring generally to household expenses.
- 12. Match plural meaning Original: benefit Suggested revision: benefits Why it matters: The following discussion identifies multiple advantages, so the plural noun is appropriate.
Suggested Rewrites
- it was a custom for it was customary for
- the their
- not rare common
- everyone especially the children everyone, especially the children
- confer consider
- go out to earn money for a living work to earn a living
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives and gives a clear opinion, with a relevant personal example and generally appropriate topic vocabulary. Its main limitation is uneven development: the income benefit is treated superficially, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors and absent paragraph breaks reduce polish and readability. Prioritise balanced explanation of each view, clear paragraphing, and careful control of agreement, possessives, and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but the benefits of additional income receive limited and somewhat superficial development.
Explain each view with equally relevant reasoning and show more directly how the support leads to the final opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence, but the single-block presentation and some abrupt or imprecise transitions weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, each main view, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, though inaccurate collocations and word choices recur.
Refine collocations such as discuss whether, rising living costs, and beneficial for children to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, possessive, punctuation, and article errors reduce accuracy.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in long relative-clause constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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