In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In the past, it was customary forit was a custom for a father to be the only bread earner for the family. Fathers would go out to work and earn money to fulfil theirthe families’ daily needs and mothers would stay home to take care of the children. However, nowadays, it is commonnot rare to find both parents going out to work. Whilst the additional income might bring benefits to everyone, especially the childreneveryone especially the children, there are a number of drawbacks that cannot be overlooked. This essay will considerconfer whether or not it is necessary for both parents to work to earn a livinggo out to earn money for a living. In some families, both parents are required to work not by choicenot because of their own will, but because circumstances require them to do socircumstances demand them to. As living costscost and prices are risingeverything is getting more expensive in today’s competitive world, some families might not earn enough to cover their living costscost if only one parent goes out to work. That being the case, there is nothing anyone can do to help. However, the benefitsbenefit of the extra income for the children remain unchangedstill remains unchanged. With more income, parents will be able to afford more toysmore new toys, the latest gadgetsgadget, and even a vacation abroadeven vacation abroad. On the other hand, children might feel abandoned because their parents are never there for themdue to their parents’ never being there for them. It is also proven that children whosechildren’s, whose parents are never at home, are more prone to behavioural problems. For instance, my friend, Elaine, whose parents is always working overnight and is never there for her when she needs them, has to battle with her insecurity of being unwanted every day, she, in turn, tries to seek the attention of her teachers by behaving badly in the class. This example showsFrom my example, you can see how parents’ absence can affect children in the long run. As far as I am concerned, there is no need for both parents to be working unless it is really necessary. While additional income is beneficial to childrenadditional income is benefiting for the children, the presence of a mother will be best for the children’s well-being in the long run.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both perspectives and gives a clear opinion, with a relevant personal example and generally appropriate topic vocabulary. Its main limitation is uneven development: the income benefit is treated superficially, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors and absent paragraph breaks reduce polish and readability. Prioritise balanced explanation of each view, clear paragraphing, and careful control of agreement, possessives, and sentence boundaries.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a clear opinion are presented, but the benefits of additional income receive limited and somewhat superficial development.
Explain each view with equally relevant reasoning and show more directly how the support leads to the final opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a recognisable sequence, but the single-block presentation and some abrupt or imprecise transitions weaken progression.
Separate the introduction, each main view, and the conclusion into focused paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response uses an adequate range of topic vocabulary, though inaccurate collocations and word choices recur.
Refine collocations such as discuss whether, rising living costs, and beneficial for children to improve precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex structures is attempted, but frequent agreement, possessive, punctuation, and article errors reduce accuracy.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and sentence boundaries, especially in long relative-clause constructions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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