In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Modern world products and services put extra costs on families. This has led to many of mothers work besides their husbands for their children’s welfare. Although some individuals hold the view that working of both parents may cause problems in children upbringing, others believe parents can pay enough attention to their children as well as work outside.
Some people argue that working of both parents is not good for children because of some important reasons. At first, their children may have not appropriate upbringing. Parents don’t spend enough time for children. Thus, they can’t educate necessary life lessons. This lack may direct children to criminal activities. In addition, children may get moral sicknesses. It is because they feel lonely without any support in the crisis time. The loneliness of children degrades their self-confidence and self-esteem. Self-confidence shortage can affect their future life.
However, opponents are of the opinion that both parents can work outside without any problem at home. To begin, they say parents can adjust their daily hours to have enough time for their children. Mothers or both parents can work part time. They also can make an accurate daily plan for all family members to use their time more effective and efficient. Furthermore, parents can register necessary courses which cover children’s educational needs to both life and school skills. Occupied parents have enough money to spend extra courses costs.
To conclude, though some people believe working of both parents is not useful for children, others don’t believe in it. In my opinion, the career of both parents is necessary only if it does not harm children’s life in any way. My 2 years child has extra costs which make my wife and I work together. Of course, his living will need more money in future. Providing necessary facilities and support for children’s progress needs enough money. Anyway, I hope parents can make the balance between work and family affairs.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural cost phrase Original: put extra costs on families Suggested revision: impose additional costs on families Why it matters: Impose costs is the natural collocation for creating a financial burden.
- 2. Fix gerund structure Original: view that working of both parents may cause Suggested revision: view that both parents working may cause Why it matters: The possessive-style construction working of both parents is ungrammatical here.
- 3. Add possessive form Original: children Suggested revision: children's Why it matters: The possessive form is required before the noun upbringing.
- 4. Clarify simultaneous actions Original: as well as work outside Suggested revision: while also working outside the home Why it matters: The revised clause clearly links employment with giving children attention.
- 5. Use natural work clause Original: argue that working of both parents is not good Suggested revision: argue that having both parents work is not good Why it matters: Having both parents work is the grammatical construction for this situation.
- 6. Use correct sequence marker Original: At first Suggested revision: First Why it matters: First introduces the first reason, whereas at first describes an initial state that later changes.
- 7. Fix negation and article Original: may have not appropriate upbringing Suggested revision: may not receive an appropriate upbringing Why it matters: The negative modal order and the countable noun phrase both need correction.
- 8. Use time-with phrase Original: time for children Suggested revision: time with their children Why it matters: Spend time with someone is the natural collocation.
- 9. Use teach lessons Original: educate Suggested revision: teach Why it matters: People teach lessons, while educate normally takes a person as its object.
- 10. Use lead-into collocation Original: direct children to criminal activities Suggested revision: lead children into criminal activity Why it matters: Lead someone into an activity is the appropriate collocation for this negative outcome.
- 11. Use emotional problems Original: moral sicknesses Suggested revision: emotional problems Why it matters: Emotional problems accurately expresses the difficulties caused by loneliness.
- 12. Use times-of-crisis phrase Original: without any support in the crisis time Suggested revision: without support in times of crisis Why it matters: In times of crisis is the standard expression for difficult periods.
Suggested Rewrites
- put extra costs on families impose additional costs on families
- view that working of both parents may cause view that both parents working may cause
- children children's
- as well as work outside while also working outside the home
- argue that working of both parents is not good argue that having both parents work is not good
- At first First
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both the risk of reduced parental support and the benefits that employment income can provide, then offers a sensible conditional opinion about balancing work and family. Its strongest feature is the clear two-sided structure, but several claims are exaggerated or vaguely explained, and frequent awkward language reduces precision. The priority is to develop realistic cause-and-effect reasoning with specific examples while correcting recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a qualified opinion are present, but some negative effects are overstated and the benefits of additional income are developed unevenly.
Use one realistic example for each view and explain how parental time or additional income directly affects a child's welfare.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the discussion clear overall progression, although links within paragraphs are sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Use topic sentences that name each central benefit or drawback and connect supporting sentences through explicit cause and effect.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss upbringing, finances, and emotional support, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use conventional phrases such as 'the cost of living', 'children's upbringing', 'emotional difficulties', and 'pay for extracurricular courses'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, possessives, and word order weaken control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and correct forms after expressions such as 'lead to', 'allow', and 'spend money on'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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