In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Modern world products and services impose additional costs on familiesput extra costs on families. This has led to many of mothers work besides their husbands for their children’s welfare. Although some individuals hold the view that both parents working may causeview that working of both parents may cause problems in children'schildren upbringing, others believe parents can pay enough attention to their children while also working outside the homeas well as work outside.
Some people argue that having both parents work is not goodargue that working of both parents is not good for children because of some important reasons. FirstAt first, their children may not receive an appropriate upbringingmay have not appropriate upbringing. Parents don’t spend enough time with their childrentime for children. Thus, they can’t teacheducate necessary life lessons. This lack may lead children into criminal activitydirect children to criminal activities. In addition, children may get emotional problemsmoral sicknesses. It is because they feel lonely without support in times of crisiswithout any support in the crisis time. The loneliness of children underminesdegrades their self-confidence and self-esteem. A lack of self-confidenceSelf-confidence shortage can affect their future life.
However, opponents are of the opinion that both parents can work outside without any problem at home. To begin, they say parents can adjust their workingdaily hours to have enough time for their children. Mothers or both parents can work part time. They can also makeThey also can make an accurate daily plan for all family members to use their time more effectively and efficientlymore effective and efficient. Furthermore, parents can enrol their children in suitable coursesregister necessary courses which cover children’s educational needs to both life and school skills. WorkingOccupied parents have enough money to pay for extra coursesspend extra courses costs.
To conclude, though some people believe working of both parents is not useful for children, others don’t believe in it. In my opinion, the career of both parents is necessary only if it does not harm children’s life in any way. My 2 years child has extra costs which make my wife and I work together. Of course, his living will need more money in future. Providing necessary facilities and support for children’s progress needs enough money. Anyway, I hope parents can make the balance between work and family affairs.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response discusses both the risk of reduced parental support and the benefits that employment income can provide, then offers a sensible conditional opinion about balancing work and family. Its strongest feature is the clear two-sided structure, but several claims are exaggerated or vaguely explained, and frequent awkward language reduces precision. The priority is to develop realistic cause-and-effect reasoning with specific examples while correcting recurring grammatical and collocational errors.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views and a qualified opinion are present, but some negative effects are overstated and the benefits of additional income are developed unevenly.
Use one realistic example for each view and explain how parental time or additional income directly affects a child's welfare.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure gives the discussion clear overall progression, although links within paragraphs are sometimes mechanical or unclear.
Use topic sentences that name each central benefit or drawback and connect supporting sentences through explicit cause and effect.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough vocabulary to discuss upbringing, finances, and emotional support, but frequent inaccurate collocations reduce naturalness and precision.
Use conventional phrases such as 'the cost of living', 'children's upbringing', 'emotional difficulties', and 'pay for extracurricular courses'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of sentence forms is attempted, but frequent errors in articles, verb patterns, agreement, possessives, and word order weaken control.
Proofread each sentence for a complete subject-verb structure and correct forms after expressions such as 'lead to', 'allow', and 'spend money on'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
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