In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, children all over the world prefer spending the wealth they have rather then saving it which their elders used to do when they were of their age. With the advent of advancement in movie making many child stars became millionaires with in no time. It is agreed that children choose to spent their money rather than saving it. This point will be analyzed by taking into account the examples of child celebrities like Paris Hilton and Zain Malik. Firstly, children nowadays consider temporary comfort over long time benefits. For instance, consider the famous actor/singer Paris Hilton who on her 16th birthday celebrations landed on her penthouse on a helicopter, which she purchased on her birthday for this purpose only. This example clearly shows that children look at immediate bounty rather then future rewards. Thus, it is evident that children love spending money, while they should be saving it. Secondly, children’s have a feeble and immature mind and they think that by spending money they can get everything. For example, Zain Malik the famous lead vocalist of the band “ONE DIRECTION” purchased a diamond wrist watch worth billions of dollars. A watch is just a watch after all. As this example shows that children have a immature mind and they need guidance. From this, it is apparent that the little ones favour spending rather then saving. In, after analyzing the fact that children look for immediate benefits rather then future rewards due to their immature thinking. Taking into account both the examples it is obvious that children spent their money instead of saving it. It is recommended that parents and guardians should look after their children and guide them.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct comparison and link Original: rather then saving it which Suggested revision: rather than saving it, as Why it matters: Use “than” for comparison and “as” to introduce what the elders did.
- 2. Correct the age phrase Original: when they were of their age Suggested revision: when they were that age Why it matters: “That age” is the idiomatic way to refer back to the children's present age.
- 3. Use present perfect Original: became millionaires Suggested revision: have become millionaires Why it matters: The present perfect links the modern development described to its current result.
- 4. Use a natural phrase Original: with in no time Suggested revision: in no time Why it matters: The fixed expression for something happening very quickly is “in no time.”
- 5. Use the infinitive form Original: spent Suggested revision: spend Why it matters: The verb after “to” must be in its base form.
- 6. Keep verbs parallel Original: saving Suggested revision: save Why it matters: “Save” should be parallel with “spend” after “choose to.”
- 7. Use a clearer reference Original: This point will be analyzed by taking into account Suggested revision: This view can be examined through Why it matters: The replacement refers clearly to the stated view and introduces the examples more concisely.
- 8. Choose a precise term Original: temporary comfort Suggested revision: immediate gratification Why it matters: “Immediate gratification” more precisely describes pleasure gained from spending now.
- 9. Correct the preposition Original: on Suggested revision: during Why it matters: “During” correctly locates the event within the birthday celebrations.
- 10. Clarify the arrival Original: landed on her penthouse Suggested revision: arrived at her penthouse Why it matters: “Arrived at” states the destination naturally without implying that the aircraft touched the roof.
- 11. Use the correct preposition Original: on Suggested revision: in Why it matters: Travel inside this vehicle is expressed with “in a helicopter.”
- 12. Use accurate wording Original: immediate bounty rather then future rewards Suggested revision: immediate gratification rather than future rewards Why it matters: “Gratification” fits the idea of short-term pleasure, and “than” is required in the comparison.
Suggested Rewrites
- rather then saving it which rather than saving it, as
- when they were of their age when they were that age
- became millionaires have become millionaires
- with in no time in no time
- spent spend
- saving save
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a clear agreement throughout and uses a recognisable two-reason structure, so the reader can follow its general direction. However, the reasoning relies on questionable celebrity anecdotes and broad claims that do not convincingly compare children's attitudes now with those in the past, while frequent language errors weaken clarity. The priority is to build each reason with credible, representative evidence and then edit sentence structure and word forms carefully.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, but the supporting ideas are generalised and the celebrity examples provide weak evidence for claims about children overall.
Use realistic examples and explicitly explain why present-day influences make children more inclined to spend than children in the past.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow an introduction, two reasons, and a conclusion, but the absence of paragraphing and formulaic linking weaken progression.
Separate the response into purposeful paragraphs and use linking expressions only where they clarify a genuine relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts some varied vocabulary, but repeated spelling, word-form, and collocation errors frequently reduce precision.
Correct recurring forms such as 'rather than,' 'spend,' 'within,' and 'long-term benefits,' and avoid exaggerated claims such as 'billions of dollars.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is generally recoverable, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, possessives, verb forms, punctuation, and sentence completeness limit control.
Prioritise complete sentence structures and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and verb forms during proofreading.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In the past children were taught how to save money, but today they only learn how to spend it. Do you agree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.