In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?
Sample Response
The circus is still an attractive type of entertainment nowadays. Although myriad types of amusement are now available between our hands by means of phones, tablets and laptops, circuses can still draw attentions of many people. In my point of view, main reasons for that are children and traditional appeal of it. Firstly it is known by everyone that today people are utilising and dealing with technology and its advantages more than everything else. It has been an undeniable part of our everyday life. A life without electronics is imperceptible for modern people. However, people always want something distinct and spread their sights to visual and attractive distractions. One of the most spectacular and concurrent attractions is undoubtedly the circus whose history is extended to thousands of years ago. Various shows there have fascinated people for a long time and are still fascinating enough to people who have never seen acrobats, dancers, clowns and people who are playing with domestic lions, elephants, snakes and other dangerous animals. On the other hand, people have the other reasons to participate in circus shows their children. Kids who are interested in almost everything are keen on to watch dancing animals and jugglers. Hence, parents take their children to this kind of shows to make them aware of what is going on out there and show them exotic animals. Therefore, amazed kids want with a desire to go the circus again and observe other types of shows. To conclude, in my opinion, visual attractions of the circus and attraction by children are two predominant reasons for the popularity of the circus. It seems its progress in popularity will not decrease in forthcoming future too.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use a natural idiom Original: between our hands Suggested revision: at our fingertips Why it matters: At our fingertips naturally expresses immediate access to entertainment through devices.
- 2. Correct the noun phrase Original: draw attentions of many people Suggested revision: attract the attention of many people Why it matters: Attention is uncountable in this expression and requires the singular form.
- 3. Correct the viewpoint phrase Original: In Suggested revision: From Why it matters: From is the standard preposition in this expression.
- 4. Add the article Original: main reasons for that Suggested revision: the main reasons for this Why it matters: The superlative-like phrase main reasons requires the definite article here.
- 5. Simplify the opening Original: Firstly it is known by everyone that Suggested revision: Firstly, everyone knows that Why it matters: The active construction is grammatical and needs a comma after the introductory linker.
- 6. Remove awkward wording Original: utilising and dealing with technology Suggested revision: using technology Why it matters: Using technology expresses the intended meaning without the unsuitable verb dealing.
- 7. Correct the comparison Original: everything Suggested revision: anything Why it matters: Anything is required rather than everything in this comparative expression.
- 8. Clarify the reference Original: It has been Suggested revision: Technology has become Why it matters: Naming technology removes the unclear pronoun reference and gives the sentence a suitable verb.
- 9. Choose the intended word Original: imperceptible Suggested revision: inconceivable Why it matters: Inconceivable means impossible to imagine, whereas imperceptible means impossible to notice.
- 10. Use precise wording Original: visual and attractive distractions Suggested revision: visually engaging entertainment Why it matters: The revision expresses appealing visual amusement without the negative sense of distractions.
- 11. Choose the right adjective Original: concurrent Suggested revision: enduring Why it matters: Enduring conveys lasting popularity, while concurrent means happening at the same time.
- 12. Fix the time expression Original: whose history is extended to Suggested revision: whose history extends back Why it matters: Extends back is the correct active construction for a history reaching into the past.
Suggested Rewrites
- between our hands at our fingertips
- draw attentions of many people attract the attention of many people
- In From
- main reasons for that the main reasons for this
- Firstly it is known by everyone that Firstly, everyone knows that
- utilising and dealing with technology using technology
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response identifies two relevant reasons for the circus's continuing appeal and keeps its central answer understandable throughout. However, the development is fairly general, the entire essay is presented as one paragraph, and frequent awkward collocations and grammatical errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to organise the reasons into clear paragraphs and explain each with more precise, accurately formed sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The response addresses the question with two relevant reasons, but their explanation is uneven and sometimes vague.
Explain more directly how novelty, tradition, and children's interest sustain circus popularity in an electronic age.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a discernible progression from the main reasons to a conclusion, but the single-paragraph format and mechanical linking weaken organisation.
Separate the introduction, each main reason, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with clearer internal progression.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a reasonably broad vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce naturalness and precision.
Use more dependable combinations such as attract attention, attend circus shows, and remain popular in the future.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors with articles, prepositions, agreement, and clause construction sometimes strain clarity.
Prioritise accurate sentence patterns and systematically check articles and prepositions before adding more complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.