In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
In spite of our living in an electronic age that offer many modern devices like TVs, tablets, laptops, washing machines, the internet we still follow some old way entertainment like the circus. Circuses still are known all over the world and the clowns, jugglers or trained animals entertain people to a great extent. Furthermore, the circus is an interesting part of the entertainment for a minority of people in many areas of the world.
These days, technology has become very popular and almost every human has at least one technological device. In addition, engineers discover new products very frequently and it does not take too much time for these devices to become known all over the world. Therefore, these devices comprise a big portion of people's entertainment, in particular, for youths. And that is why circuses are very dull for them. In spite of this fact, it is evident that children are very interested in circuses and we cannot conceive at how they are entertained by these shows. In addition, clowns' interesting actions and jugglers tricky games are still predominant part of entertainment which amuses people, especially children. And it is undeniable that trained animals such as lions constitute the majority of amusement. Their perilous actions are the prime example of the circus' entertainment. In spite of the minority of people are interested in the circus, it is still a well-known form of entertainment and it is fact that circus' history can be traced to the Roman Empire.
To sum up, despite the fact that majority people is not interested in the circus and I am sure that there are ones who didn't bother to come to the circus, circus still keeps its popularity around the world.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix subject agreement Original: offer Suggested revision: offers Why it matters: The singular noun “age” requires the verb “offers”.
- 2. Punctuate the list Original: laptops, washing machines, the internet we Suggested revision: laptops, washing machines, and the internet, we Why it matters: The list needs a final conjunction, and the introductory clause needs a closing comma.
- 3. Fix noun phrase Original: some old way entertainment Suggested revision: some old forms of entertainment Why it matters: The plural expression requires “forms of entertainment” rather than “way entertainment”.
- 4. Place adverb naturally Original: still are known Suggested revision: are still known Why it matters: The adverb normally follows the auxiliary verb in this construction.
- 5. Improve list structure Original: the clowns, jugglers or trained animals Suggested revision: clowns, jugglers, and trained animals Why it matters: Removing the generic article and using consistent list punctuation creates a balanced subject.
- 6. Use natural phrase Original: part of the entertainment Suggested revision: form of entertainment Why it matters: A circus is more naturally described as a form of entertainment.
- 7. Use natural reference Original: almost every human Suggested revision: almost everyone Why it matters: “Almost everyone” is the idiomatic way to refer generally to people.
- 8. Choose accurate verb Original: discover Suggested revision: develop Why it matters: Products are developed rather than discovered.
- 9. Use academic wording Original: a big portion Suggested revision: a large proportion Why it matters: “A large proportion” is more precise and appropriately formal.
- 10. Use natural noun Original: for youths Suggested revision: for young people Why it matters: “Young people” is more natural in this general context.
- 11. Correct verb pattern Original: conceive at how Suggested revision: understand how Why it matters: “Conceive at how” is not a valid English verb pattern.
- 12. Add possessive apostrophe Original: jugglers tricky games Suggested revision: jugglers' tricky games Why it matters: The plural possessive “jugglers'” needs an apostrophe.
Suggested Rewrites
- offer offers
- laptops, washing machines, the internet we laptops, washing machines, and the internet, we
- some old way entertainment some old forms of entertainment
- still are known are still known
- the clowns, jugglers or trained animals clowns, jugglers, and trained animals
- part of the entertainment form of entertainment
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response maintains a recognizable focus on why circuses retain an audience and offers relevant attractions such as clowns, jugglers, animals, and children's interest. However, the explanation is repetitive and partly contradictory about whether the circus is popular, while frequent awkward grammar reduces precision; the highest-priority improvement is to establish a consistent answer and develop two distinct reasons with clear supporting explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the question and identifies several attractions, but its reasons are repetitive, lightly developed, and weakened by contradictory claims about popularity.
State a consistent central answer and develop two clearly different reasons explaining why live circus entertainment remains appealing in an electronic age.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a basic introduction-body-conclusion structure, but the long central paragraph and repetitive linking produce uneven progression.
Divide the body into focused reason-based paragraphs and use connectors to show logical relationships rather than repeatedly adding similar points.
Lexical Resource
The response shows some range in discussing technology and entertainment, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Use simpler, natural combinations such as traditional entertainment, skilled performances, and attracts a minority audience, checking each phrase for idiomatic accuracy.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Both simple and complex forms are attempted, but frequent errors with articles, agreement, possessives, and clause structure persist throughout.
Prioritize accurate sentence boundaries and subject-verb agreement before adding complex clauses, then proofread articles and plural noun forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In your opinion, why is the circus still a popular form of entertainment in the modern electronic age?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.