In some large cities, people have to pay a fee when they drive their cars into the city centre, in a policy to reduce the number of cars in the city. Give reasons in support of and opposing this policy, and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In these days and ages, one of the major problems faced by developed cities is traffic congestion due to the staggering amount of car owners in these areas. As a result, drivers are charged a fee before entering the city centre in some places. Undoubtedly, this policy certainly comes with some positive impacts on the traffic. It is evident that with an extra charge applied upon driving into the city centre, drivers tend to become more serious while considering the necessity of getting into the town centre. Besides, activities, like carpooling or taking public transportation, are also practised more often by people. Consequently, there would be a dramatic improvement on the traffic condition as congestion is likely to occur less frequently. However, in my opinion, the detrimental sides of this policy definitely outweigh the benefits. First of all, it is logistically out of the question for the government to install the required equipment as it involves plenty of funds. On the other hand, this policy would also directly increase the financial burden of people. It is due to the fact that there are always people whose jobs need them to be constantly travelling around the city. While the rich drivers may be unaffected by this policy, those workers with an average amount of income would surely be troubled by the extra fee. To conclude, the solution mentioned above is way too extreme to be practised. In strong contrast, the government should provide free or low-cost public transportation into the city centre during peak hours so that it would end up benefiting more people.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fixed phrase Original: In these days and ages Suggested revision: Nowadays Why it matters: Nowadays is the natural concise expression.
- 2. Countable noun Original: staggering amount of car owners Suggested revision: staggering number of car owners Why it matters: Use number with countable plural nouns.
- 3. Natural preposition Original: applied upon driving Suggested revision: applied to driving Why it matters: Applied to is the natural preposition pattern.
- 4. Formal phrasing Original: getting into the town centre Suggested revision: entering the city centre Why it matters: This is more formal and consistent with the prompt.
- 5. Remove comma Original: activities, like carpooling Suggested revision: activities like carpooling Why it matters: The comma is unnecessary in this phrase.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: improvement on the traffic condition Suggested revision: improvement in traffic conditions Why it matters: Use improvement in and plural traffic conditions.
- 7. Natural phrase Original: detrimental sides Suggested revision: negative aspects Why it matters: This is more natural in an academic essay.
- 8. Moderate claim Original: logistically out of the question Suggested revision: logistically difficult Why it matters: Out of the question is too absolute unless clearly proven.
- 9. Correct preposition Original: increase the financial burden of people Suggested revision: increase the financial burden on people Why it matters: Burden on is the correct collocation.
- 10. Natural structure Original: whose jobs need them to be constantly travelling Suggested revision: whose jobs require them to travel constantly Why it matters: Require them to travel is more concise and natural.
- 11. Concise phrase Original: an average amount of income Suggested revision: an average income Why it matters: This is the natural phrase.
- 12. Academic tone Original: way too extreme Suggested revision: too extreme Why it matters: Way too is informal for IELTS writing.
Suggested Rewrites
- In these days and ages Nowadays
- staggering amount of car owners staggering number of car owners
- applied upon driving applied to driving
- getting into the town centre entering the city centre
- activities, like carpooling activities like carpooling
- improvement on the traffic condition improvement in traffic conditions
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
The essay addresses reasons for and against a city-centre driving fee and gives a clear opinion against the policy. The arguments are relevant, though the opposing side receives more emphasis and some claims about installation cost are not fully explained.
Balance the discussion by giving a little more detail on the strongest benefit, such as reduced congestion or pollution, before explaining why the disadvantages outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from background to benefits, drawbacks, and an alternative solution, but it is written as one long paragraph. Cohesion is generally clear despite the lack of paragraphing.
Divide the answer into four paragraphs: introduction, support for the policy, opposition to the policy, and conclusion with your alternative.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is flexible and mostly natural, with phrases such as traffic congestion, financial burden, public transportation, and peak hours. Some expressions are wordy or slightly unnatural.
Use concise academic phrases such as nowadays, car ownership, impose a charge, reduce congestion, and low-income workers.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is generally controlled, with a range of complex clauses. Minor article, preposition, and phrase-choice errors occur but rarely affect clarity.
Edit fixed phrases and prepositions, especially in expressions such as nowadays, improvement in, and burden on people.