More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?
Sample Response
The increasing trend of migration to cities is a result of a desire for a better life. However, city life is often associated with numerous difficulties. This essay will examine some of the challenges of living in a city and suggest ways that governments can make urban life better for everyone.
Living in a city presents several challenges, and chief among them is the formidable cost of living. Urban areas tend to be substantially more expensive than their rural counterparts, manifesting in elevated costs for housing, food, and other essential commodities. For instance, rental prices in cities like London or New York are exorbitant, making it financially burdensome for residents. Additionally, the high cost of living extends to groceries and basic amenities, posing a considerable strain on individuals and families.
An additional challenge associated with urban living pertains to the elevated levels of pollution. The presence of pollutants emitted from vehicles, industrial facilities, and various sources poses a significant risk to public health, potentially resulting in respiratory problems, cardiovascular diseases, and other health-related issues. For instance, the prevalence of noise pollution in bustling city environments, exemplified by the constant hum of traffic and urban activities, not only impedes the ability to sleep or concentrate but also contributes to heightened stress levels.
Governments can make urban life better for everyone by addressing these issues. One approach is to invest in public transportation, such as buses and trains, to reduce the number of cars on the road and decrease pollution. Governments can also provide incentives for businesses to relocate to rural areas, which can reduce overcrowding and the cost of living in cities. In addition, governments can invest in green spaces and public parks to provide residents with access to nature, which has been shown to have a positive impact on mental health.
In conclusion, while city life can offer many opportunities, it is often associated with numerous challenges. The high cost of living and pollution can all make city life difficult. Governments can make urban life better by addressing these issues and investing in public transportation, green spaces, and walkable communities.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: increasing trend of migration Suggested revision: increasing migration Why it matters: “Increasing” already expresses the idea conveyed by “trend.”
- 2. Use a direct verb Original: is a result of a desire Suggested revision: reflects a desire Why it matters: The direct verb makes the relationship more concise.
- 3. Use precise collocation Original: formidable Suggested revision: high Why it matters: “High cost of living” is the standard collocation for this financial burden.
- 4. Clarify the burden Original: making it financially burdensome for residents Suggested revision: placing a heavy financial burden on residents Why it matters: This wording removes the vague pronoun and states the effect directly.
- 5. Improve the collocation Original: the high cost of living extends to groceries and basic amenities Suggested revision: groceries and basic amenities are also expensive Why it matters: A cost does not naturally “extend to” the items whose prices contribute to it.
- 6. Reduce inflated wording Original: pertains to the elevated levels of pollution Suggested revision: is the high level of pollution Why it matters: The simpler phrasing conveys the same point more naturally.
- 7. Correct the preposition Original: from Suggested revision: by Why it matters: “By” correctly introduces the source producing the pollutants.
- 8. Avoid vague wording Original: health-related issues Suggested revision: health problems Why it matters: This concise term avoids an imprecise catch-all after specific conditions have been listed.
- 9. Show the category Original: green spaces and public parks Suggested revision: green spaces such as public parks Why it matters: Public parks are a type of green space, so this wording makes the relationship clear.
- 10. Refer to two items Original: all Suggested revision: both Why it matters: “Both” is the appropriate quantifier for the two subjects named here.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: Urban areas tend to be substantially more expensive than their rural counterparts, manifesting in elevated costs for housing, food, and other essential commodities. Suggested revision: Urban areas tend to be substantially more expensive than rural areas, as reflected in higher costs for housing, food, and other essential commodities. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the awkward participial phrase and clearly links urban expense to higher prices.
- 12. Sentence rewrite Original: For instance, the prevalence of noise pollution in bustling city environments, exemplified by the constant hum of traffic and urban activities, not only impedes the ability to sleep or concentrate but also contributes to heightened stress levels. Suggested revision: For instance, the constant hum of traffic and other urban activity not only impedes people’s ability to sleep or concentrate but also contributes to heightened stress levels. Why it matters: Making the source of the noise the subject removes the overloaded nesting and clarifies who is affected.
Suggested Rewrites
- increasing trend of migration increasing migration
- is a result of a desire reflects a desire
- formidable high
- making it financially burdensome for residents placing a heavy financial burden on residents
- the high cost of living extends to groceries and basic amenities groceries and basic amenities are also expensive
- pertains to the elevated levels of pollution is the high level of pollution
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response's strongest feature is its thorough, well-organised treatment of urban difficulties and practical government responses, supported by precise examples and sophisticated language. Its main limitation is that a few solutions are asserted more briefly than the problems, and the conclusion introduces walkable communities without prior development. The highest priority is to explain the mechanism and feasibility of each proposed measure consistently and keep the conclusion fully aligned with the body.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are fully addressed through well-developed problems and relevant government measures.
Explain more explicitly how business relocation would reduce urban living costs and avoid introducing an undeveloped measure in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses clearly through distinct problems and solutions, with cohesive devices used effectively throughout.
Strengthen the final synthesis by referring only to measures developed in the body paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary conveys complex ideas effectively, with only occasional overly formal phrasing.
Prefer direct natural phrasing where expressions such as pertains to the elevated levels add unnecessary formality.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and non-impeding.
Refine minor preposition and modifier choices while preserving the strong variety of sentence forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.