Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Sample Response
Many people believe that computer technology has immensely helped the human race to progress, but others opine that it has more drawbacks than benefits. This essay examines how could computers be deemed an obstruction rather than a blessing. Many people are addicted to computer and Internet technology. They have no social and personal life as their screen time is unbelievably high. Without a computer, many people believe that they cannot work or continue their study. This dependency makes them less creative and more inert. For example, some people who work in modern offices cannot work when the Internet connection is interrupted. This over-reliance could bring catastrophic results, especially in sensitive sectors. A simple mistake in an atomic energy research centre can destroy millions of lives. Moreover, it is undeniable that the overuse of computers has health hazards. One of the examples is the radiation from the computer screen, which damages our eyesight and cause headache. It has been reported that the number of people who wear glasses has increased significantly since the invention of computers. Besides, this device has negative effects on the way people socialise and interact with each other. With the invention of portable computers, tablets and smartphones, people remain busy with their devices rather than having face-to-face conversations or social interactions. They stay indoors and scarcely take part in outdoor activities. Consequently, people's overall health condition is deteriorating and their social relationship is becoming fragile. In conclusion, although computer technology has brought many benefits for mankind, it has many negative sides too. People's overreliance on technology mainly create those problems and it is hoped that we will use it to make our life easier, not more complex and perilous.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Fix indirect question Original: how could computers be deemed Suggested revision: how computers could be deemed Why it matters: Indirect questions use statement word order.
- 2. Use natural wording Original: addicted to computer and Internet technology Suggested revision: addicted to computers and the internet Why it matters: The revised nouns fit the general claim more naturally.
- 3. Avoid absolute wording Original: no social and personal life Suggested revision: little social or personal life Why it matters: This expresses the intended reduction without an unsupported absolute.
- 4. Fix plural noun Original: study Suggested revision: studies Why it matters: Studies is the natural noun for ongoing education.
- 5. Use appropriate adjective Original: more inert Suggested revision: less active Why it matters: Inert is unnatural when describing people's behaviour here.
- 6. Improve collocation Original: bring catastrophic results Suggested revision: have catastrophic consequences Why it matters: Consequences is the natural collocation in this context.
- 7. Fix collocation Original: has health hazards Suggested revision: poses health risks Why it matters: Activities pose risks rather than have hazards.
- 8. Fix agreement and number Original: cause headache Suggested revision: causes headaches Why it matters: The singular subject requires causes, and headaches is countable.
- 9. Match plural reference Original: this device has negative effects Suggested revision: these devices have negative effects Why it matters: The preceding list refers to multiple devices.
- 10. Fix number agreement Original: their social relationship is becoming fragile Suggested revision: their social relationships are becoming fragile Why it matters: The general plural subject requires plural relationships and are.
- 11. Fix subject agreement Original: create Suggested revision: creates Why it matters: The singular subject requires creates.
- 12. Use concise wording Original: immensely helped the human race to progress Suggested revision: greatly advanced human progress Why it matters: The revision expresses the benefit more directly.
Suggested Rewrites
- how could computers be deemed how computers could be deemed
- addicted to computer and Internet technology addicted to computers and the internet
- no social and personal life little social or personal life
- study studies
- more inert less active
- bring catastrophic results have catastrophic consequences
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay addresses the requested negative effects directly and develops several relevant strands, especially dependence, disrupted work, health, and reduced social interaction. Its main limitation is uneven support: the nuclear-risk and screen-radiation claims are overstated or weakly substantiated, while minor grammar and collocation errors recur. Prioritise selecting credible examples and grouping each drawback into a clearly separated, fully explained paragraph.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response directly explains several ways computers can hinder people, with relevant development of dependence, health concerns, and social isolation.
Support the strongest drawbacks with credible, proportionate examples and avoid speculative claims about radiation or catastrophic nuclear consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a logical sequence and cohesive markers signal each new drawback, but the single-block body limits paragraph-level clarity.
Create distinct body paragraphs for dependence, health, and social effects, each with one focused explanatory chain.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often precise, including over-reliance, sensitive sectors, face-to-face conversations, and social interactions.
Refine less natural phrases such as continue their study, has health hazards, and negative sides into idiomatic academic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a broad range of structures with generally good control, despite occasional question-word-order and subject-verb agreement errors.
Correct indirect-question order and agreement in phrases such as how computers could be deemed, damages and causes, and overreliance creates.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people consider computers to be more of a hindrance than a help. Others believe that they have greatly increased human potential. How could computers be considered a hindrance?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.