Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Sample Response
It is a fact that people are becoming more consumptive and materialistic these days, as many of them purchase luxurious goods or things that they do not really need and debts are common among such people. There are various reasons that have caused the situation and the following essay will discuss them and some of the things that people could do to address the problem. For a number of reasons, many people are facing debt problem nowadays due to the consumptive lifestyles. Firstly, with the existence of social media such as Facebook or Instagram, more people are showing off their luxurious goods, take some photos and upload them into the applications and it triggers them to buy fancy stuff. Secondly, with the significant growth in the number of elite malls, they attract people in spending more money on secondary needs such as fashion, jewellery or gadgets. And lastly, as applying and obtaining credit cards are easier these days, many people are buying expensive things which are greater than their income. As a consequence of this hedonism lifestyle, many people are ended up with a serious problem of debts. There are several things that people could do to solve the problem. One of them is that there should be a clear regulation about credit cards that must be followed by banks and financial institutions, regarding the procedure of issuing credit cards to their consumers. It must be ensured that the credit limit that is given to credit card holders is aligned with the individual’s income. And then, instead of adding more malls in the city, the government should focus on building more public parks and children playgrounds. Therefore, people would have more options for entertainments besides going to the shopping centres. In conclusion, it is true that a lot of people are having debt problems, as they purchase luxurious stuff and having fancy lifestyles. Some of the factors that trigger the problem are due to the effect of social media, the increasing number of shopping malls and the easier procedure in obtaining credit cards. And to solve the issue, the government should make a better regulation about credit card usage and build more public facilities; therefore people have more alternative places to visit beside malls.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add plural form Original: problem Suggested revision: problems Why it matters: The countable noun needs a plural form when referring generally to many people.
- 2. Use correct adjective Original: the consumptive lifestyles Suggested revision: consumerist lifestyles Why it matters: ‘Consumerist’ is the appropriate adjective for lifestyles centred on buying goods.
- 3. Use precise noun phrase Original: elite malls Suggested revision: upscale shopping malls Why it matters: ‘Upscale shopping malls’ conveys the intended meaning more clearly.
- 4. Correct verb pattern Original: attract people in spending Suggested revision: encourage people to spend Why it matters: The structure ‘encourage someone to do something’ is grammatically correct and fits the intended meaning.
- 5. Use accurate term Original: secondary needs Suggested revision: nonessential goods Why it matters: Fashion, jewellery, and gadgets are goods rather than ‘needs’ in this context.
- 6. Use concise transition Original: And lastly Suggested revision: Lastly Why it matters: Removing ‘And’ gives the final sequencing marker a cleaner formal style.
- 7. Fix form and agreement Original: as applying and obtaining credit cards are easier Suggested revision: as applying for and obtaining credit cards is easier Why it matters: ‘Apply’ requires ‘for’, and the coordinated activity functions as a singular process here.
- 8. Clarify the comparison Original: things which are greater than their income Suggested revision: items that cost more than they earn Why it matters: An item's size cannot be compared directly with income, so the revision states the intended cost comparison.
- 9. Use adjective form Original: hedonism Suggested revision: hedonistic Why it matters: The noun ‘hedonism’ must be changed to an adjective before ‘lifestyle’.
- 10. Remove passive form Original: are ended up with Suggested revision: end up with Why it matters: ‘End up’ is intransitive here and cannot be used in the passive voice.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: a serious problem of debts Suggested revision: serious debt problems Why it matters: ‘Debt problems’ is the natural noun phrase, and the plural matches the general claim.
- 12. Use plural regulations Original: a clear regulation Suggested revision: clear regulations Why it matters: The proposal concerns a set of rules and therefore requires the plural noun.
Suggested Rewrites
- problem problems
- the consumptive lifestyles consumerist lifestyles
- elite malls upscale shopping malls
- attract people in spending encourage people to spend
- secondary needs nonessential goods
- And lastly Lastly
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response answers both parts of the task with several relevant causes and practical proposals, particularly tighter credit limits and alternative public amenities. Its ideas follow a recognizable sequence, but the single unbroken paragraph, mechanical linking, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken clarity and control. The highest-priority improvement is to divide the essay into purposeful paragraphs and edit sentences for agreement, verb forms, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant causes and preventive actions are presented and generally explained, although some causal links and the public-parks proposal need fuller justification.
Explain more precisely how each cause produces debt and show why each proposed measure would directly reduce unnecessary spending.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has a discernible introduction, reasons, solutions, and conclusion, but presenting everything as one paragraph substantially weakens organization.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion, with one clear central focus in each.
Lexical Resource
The response has enough topic-related range to express its ideas, but frequent unnatural choices such as ‘consumptive lifestyles’ and ‘options for entertainments’ reduce precision.
Learn and apply natural collocations such as ‘consumerist lifestyle’, ‘luxury goods’, ‘debt problems’, and ‘entertainment options’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains generally clear and some complex forms are attempted, but errors in agreement, verb patterns, articles, plurals, and sentence coordination recur frequently.
Proofread each sentence for subject-verb agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in long clauses linked by ‘and’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people get into debt by buying things they don’t need and can’t afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.