Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?
Sample Response
In today’s worldtoday’s modern world, it is certainly true that most people own at least onea credit card. Some may even have four to five credit cards which may eventually cause them to accumulate huge personal debtswhich eventually cause them to run up huge personal debt. Some people are of the opinion that the government and banking authoritiesgovernment and banking authority should make it harder for individuals to borrow large amounts of money and I strongly agree with this viewagree with it.
There are several reasons why it should be more difficult for peopleless easy for people to borrow money. To begin, a huge personal debt will probably add to their financial burdenincrease their burden. Even though they may work hardermay be worked harder in order to earn more money to payclear off their debt, it is never a simple taskit is always not a simple task for them. Statistics from a well-known bankAccording to the statistic from a well-known bank, show thatit has shown that more thanthat 65% of the people are unable to repay their debts, whichare unable to repay which may be partly due to high interest ratesthe high-interest rate they have to deal with. As a result, many of them, especially those aged below 30, may choose to end their previous lives by suicidal which we are constantly confronted with newspaper or many of them commit the crime to gain some money.
FurthermoreApart from that, individuals are too materialisticthe individuals are too materialistic nowadays. They borrow money from banksborrow the money from the bank and use it to buy things to satisfy themselves. They think that the more things they own, the happier they are. Therefore, the government should make the procedures to borrow money much more complex in order to prevent people from getting into debtavoid the people to get into debt. It is believed that people’s materialistic attitudesthe attitude of people being too materialistic will change as long as there are crucial and effective measures that can be taken. Eventually, the problem of running into huge debt can be prevented.
In conclusion, there are numerous people who get into large debts due to overuse of credit cards or loans which most of them have not the ability to repay. However, if the government can tighten the rules in the procedure to borrow money from the bank, this problem can soon be addressedcoped. I believe our country will continue to prosper and flourish if this problem can be solved in the years to come.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents a clear, consistent position and organizes two relevant reasons into a recognizable essay structure. Its main limitation is that several claims are exaggerated or insufficiently supported, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors make parts of the argument awkward or unclear; the highest priority is to develop credible explanations and examples in accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and relevant reasons are presented, although some support is implausible, generalized, or insufficiently developed.
Develop each reason with a realistic, specific explanation or example instead of relying on unsupported statistics and extreme consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and an overall logical sequence, but some transitions are mechanical and several long sentences connect ideas unclearly.
Use shorter, more precisely linked sentences when explaining cause and effect, and make each paragraph progress from claim to explanation to example.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and includes some less common words, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and occasionally obscure meaning.
Prioritize natural collocations such as repay debt, tighten lending rules, and cope with a problem, and check the grammatical form of key words.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in verb forms, articles, agreement, and clause construction limit accuracy.
Build complex sentences from accurate main clauses and proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, articles, and verb patterns.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should, therefore, be made more difficult for individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.