There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It is believed that there are other effective and efficient methods for preventing crimeanticipating crimes, besides prison. To a certain extentpoint, I would agree with the statement, but each person haseach people have a distinct personalitytheir own different personalities. Some people could be rehabilitateddeveloped through social and humanistic approaches, but there are others who can only be disciplined through imprisonment.
On the one hand, some people believe that the government should find alternative ways to prevent crimeother alternative ways in preventing crimes besides imprisonmentjail punishment. These people think that crimes could be prevented through humanistic approaches, such as running campaigns to raise awareness of crimegiving campaigns and awareness of crimes through social media. And then the government could also prevent crimes through some holistic approaches, such as holding religious seminarsgiving some religious seminars about the negative effects of crimenegative effect of crimes. These people believe that these humanistic methods are more effective in reducing the number of crimes than prison.
On the other hand, it is a fact that every criminal has a distinct personalityhis/her different personality as each of them comescame from different cultures and backgrounds. Some people have been raised in a tough neighbourhood such as being raised in a conflict area or living in a poor and slum suburb. As a result, these people are familiar with violence and crimes. Humanistic and social approaches might not be effective for these peoplecould not be implemented for these people, and imprisonment would be the most effective methodmethods for them.
In conclusion, it is said that there should be another way in preventing crimes besides prison. I personally believe that both methods should be combined. Governments should start with a more humanistic approach in preventing crimes by running public awareness campaignsgiving campaigns to their people. If they findOnce they found that the method is ineffective then they should move on to warnings and fineschange the method into warnings and fines. And if these methods still cannot reducestill could not reduce the number of crimes, then governments should use imprisonmentimplement the imprisonment.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s main strength is a clear, qualified position that preventive measures should be tried before imprisonment, supported by a logical four-paragraph structure. The central limitation is that the proposed campaigns and seminars are asserted to reduce crime without convincing explanation, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. Prioritise developing one concrete causal example for each approach and editing agreement, articles, verb forms, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant, qualified position is maintained, but the preventive alternatives are only partly developed and their effectiveness is largely asserted.
Explain through specific causal examples how campaigns, education, warnings, or fines would prevent offences more effectively than prison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a generally logical progression, though its contrast structure is somewhat mechanical and repetitive.
Build each body paragraph around a sharper controlling idea and use references that connect claims without repeatedly restating “these people.”
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the issue, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise choices limit flexibility and accuracy.
Replace phrases such as “anticipating crimes,” “giving campaigns,” and “implement the imprisonment” with standard crime-policy collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed, but frequent errors in agreement, number, articles, tense, and prepositions reduce accuracy.
Edit systematically for plural agreement and article use, especially in phrases such as “each person,” “the most effective method,” and “a slum suburb.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.