There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
It is believed that there are other effective and efficient methods for anticipating crimes, besides prison. To a certain point, I would agree with the statement, but each people have their own different personalities. Some people could be developed through social and humanistic approaches, but there are others who can only be disciplined through imprisonment.
On the one hand, some people believe that the government should find other alternative ways in preventing crimes besides jail punishment. These people think that crimes could be prevented through humanistic approaches, such as giving campaigns and awareness of crimes through social media. And then the government could also prevent crimes through some holistic approaches, such as giving some religious seminars about the negative effect of crimes. These people believe that these humanistic methods are more effective in reducing the number of crimes than prison.
On the other hand, it is a fact that every criminal has his/her different personality as each of them came from different cultures and backgrounds. Some people have been raised in a tough neighbourhood such as being raised in a conflict area or living in a poor and slum suburb. As a result, these people are familiar with violence and crimes. Humanistic and social approaches could not be implemented for these people, and imprisonment would be the most effective methods for them.
In conclusion, it is said that there should be another way in preventing crimes besides prison. I personally believe that both methods should be combined. Governments should start with a more humanistic approach in preventing crimes by giving campaigns to their people. Once they found that the method is ineffective then they should change the method into warnings and fines. And if these methods still could not reduce the number of crimes, then governments should implement the imprisonment.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the correct verb Original: anticipating crimes Suggested revision: preventing crime Why it matters: “Anticipating” means expecting something, whereas the essay means stopping crime.
- 2. Correct fixed expression Original: point Suggested revision: extent Why it matters: “To a certain extent” is the standard expression for partial agreement.
- 3. Fix number agreement Original: each people have Suggested revision: each person has Why it matters: “Each” takes a singular count noun and singular verb.
- 4. Remove redundant wording Original: their own different personalities Suggested revision: a distinct personality Why it matters: “Own,” “different,” and the plural noun repeat the idea unnecessarily.
- 5. Choose accurate verb Original: developed Suggested revision: rehabilitated Why it matters: “Rehabilitated” accurately describes helping offenders change their behaviour.
- 6. Fix redundancy and pattern Original: other alternative ways in preventing crimes Suggested revision: alternative ways to prevent crime Why it matters: “Other” duplicates “alternative,” and “ways” takes a to-infinitive here.
- 7. Use standard term Original: jail punishment Suggested revision: imprisonment Why it matters: “Imprisonment” is the conventional term for this punishment.
- 8. Correct campaign phrasing Original: giving campaigns and awareness of crimes Suggested revision: running campaigns to raise awareness of crime Why it matters: Campaigns are “run,” and they “raise awareness” of an issue.
- 9. Use natural seminar verb Original: giving some religious seminars Suggested revision: holding religious seminars Why it matters: English normally uses “hold” rather than “give” for seminars.
- 10. Fix number choice Original: negative effect of crimes Suggested revision: negative effects of crime Why it matters: The general concept takes singular “crime,” while its multiple consequences take plural “effects.”
- 11. Use natural determiner Original: his/her different personality Suggested revision: a distinct personality Why it matters: The indefinite article and adjective express individual variation naturally.
- 12. Maintain present tense Original: came Suggested revision: comes Why it matters: The general statement requires the present tense and singular agreement with “each.”
Suggested Rewrites
- anticipating crimes preventing crime
- point extent
- each people have each person has
- their own different personalities a distinct personality
- developed rehabilitated
- other alternative ways in preventing crimes alternative ways to prevent crime
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s main strength is a clear, qualified position that preventive measures should be tried before imprisonment, supported by a logical four-paragraph structure. The central limitation is that the proposed campaigns and seminars are asserted to reduce crime without convincing explanation, while frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken precision. Prioritise developing one concrete causal example for each approach and editing agreement, articles, verb forms, and prepositions.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A relevant, qualified position is maintained, but the preventive alternatives are only partly developed and their effectiveness is largely asserted.
Explain through specific causal examples how campaigns, education, warnings, or fines would prevent offences more effectively than prison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and a generally logical progression, though its contrast structure is somewhat mechanical and repetitive.
Build each body paragraph around a sharper controlling idea and use references that connect claims without repeatedly restating “these people.”
Lexical Resource
There is enough vocabulary to discuss the issue, but frequent awkward collocations and imprecise choices limit flexibility and accuracy.
Replace phrases such as “anticipating crimes,” “giving campaigns,” and “implement the imprisonment” with standard crime-policy collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are mixed, but frequent errors in agreement, number, articles, tense, and prepositions reduce accuracy.
Edit systematically for plural agreement and article use, especially in phrases such as “each person,” “the most effective method,” and “a slum suburb.”
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.