There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Sample Response
An act is considered a crime if its nature deviates from the prevailing laws though there are different aspects and types of crimes, I would like to brief up crimes which result in imprisonment. A person is imprisoned so that the living society is not harmed by his acts and also a chance that the inmate gets corrected.
We see that prison certainly prevents crime but there are also certain better ways by which a person can be restrained from committing crimes. Firstly by maintaining a complete database of the doubtful citizens, this can be done by the police department because they possess the data of each and every individual and using this data his/her activities can be monitored and a close check can be kept on such suspicious persons. Secondly, counseling should be done to persons who are susceptible to commit crimes.
There are many ways to prevent crimes apart from the above stated and they would certainly control the crime rate and correct the anti-social elements prevailing in our societies, for instance, a person commits robbery due to the want of money and if the victim opposes, the robber tries to harm the victim and steals the valuables.
We see that general crimes are done due to hunger, want of money, poverty and unemployment. If the authorities have a check on the above-stated reasons and care is taken to check the situation of the person, no doubt then a majority of the crimes can be reduced.
Apart from the above, there are certain crimes which are done in haste, these types of crimes can be controlled by delivering psychological counselling to such people and diverting their minds by inducing them to various other recreational activities like meditation, yoga and spiritual thinking etc.
As far as my opinion is concerned it is good that a person should think twice before committing crime and such thoughts are to be inculcated into his mind and certainly there will be a drastic downfall in crime rate and subsequently reduction in state’s exchequer envisaged for handling prisons. But prisons are also necessary for handling heinous criminals and with prisons their effect on society can be controlled. There are many other ways to prevent crime but the need of such alternatives has to be debated on a broader scale before taking a decision.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use violates laws Original: deviates from the prevailing laws Suggested revision: violates existing laws Why it matters: An act violates a law; it does not normally 'deviate from' one.
- 2. Name community naturally Original: the living society Suggested revision: the wider community Why it matters: 'Living society' is not a natural English expression for the public.
- 3. Use neutral plural Original: by his acts Suggested revision: by their actions Why it matters: The gender-neutral plural agrees naturally with the generic person.
- 4. Complete purpose clause Original: and also a chance that the inmate gets corrected Suggested revision: and so that the inmate has a chance to reform Why it matters: The sentence needs a second purpose clause parallel to 'so that.'
- 5. Frame contrast directly Original: We see that prison certainly prevents crime but Suggested revision: Although prison can prevent crime, Why it matters: The concessive clause expresses the contrast directly and removes an unnecessary reader reference.
- 6. Use effective alternatives Original: certain better ways by which Suggested revision: more effective ways in which Why it matters: The revised phrase makes the comparison precise and natural.
- 7. Use deterred from crime Original: restrained from committing crimes Suggested revision: deterred from committing crime Why it matters: 'Deterred' is the precise verb for preventing offending.
- 8. Name suspects precisely Original: doubtful citizens Suggested revision: suspected offenders Why it matters: 'Doubtful citizens' does not mean people believed likely to offend.
- 9. Use neutral pronoun Original: his/her activities Suggested revision: their activities Why it matters: Singular 'their' is clearer and more inclusive than the slash form.
- 10. Use monitoring phrase Original: check Suggested revision: watch Why it matters: The established expression is 'keep a close watch on.'
- 11. Correct counselling phrase Original: counseling should be done to persons Suggested revision: counselling should be provided to people Why it matters: Counselling is provided to people rather than 'done to persons.'
- 12. Correct likely pattern Original: susceptible Suggested revision: likely Why it matters: 'Susceptible' does not take a to-infinitive in this meaning.
Suggested Rewrites
- deviates from the prevailing laws violates existing laws
- the living society the wider community
- by his acts by their actions
- and also a chance that the inmate gets corrected and so that the inmate has a chance to reform
- We see that prison certainly prevents crime but Although prison can prevent crime,
- certain better ways by which more effective ways in which
Why this response received Band 6.0
The essay considers several preventive alternatives and reaches a qualified view that counselling and social measures can reduce crime while prisons remain necessary for serious offenders. Its main limitations are uneven support, repetition, and some proposals whose relevance or practicality is not clearly established. The priority is to select two strong alternatives, explain how each prevents crime, and compare their effectiveness directly with imprisonment.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the view and offers a nuanced conclusion, but several alternatives are only partly explained and the robbery example describes crime more than prevention.
Develop two credible preventive measures with explicit mechanisms and evidence, then state clearly when they are preferable to prison.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and sequencing markers create broad progression, but repetition, long sentences, and loosely connected examples make the argument uneven.
Give each body paragraph one prevention strategy, followed by its mechanism, an example, and a direct link back to the comparison with prison.
Lexical Resource
There is enough range for crime, policing, social causes, and rehabilitation, but frequent unnatural combinations make parts of the argument imprecise.
Use standard terms such as ‘suspected offenders’, ‘crime prevention’, ‘address underlying causes’, and ‘reduce prison expenditure’.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex forms is attempted, but comma splices, faulty passives, article errors, and overloaded clauses frequently strain readability.
Break long sentences into controlled clauses and check passive constructions, articles, and prepositions before adding further detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
There are many ways of preventing crimes that are much better than prison. Do you agree or disagree with this view?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.