Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays in many countries, the crime rate is at an extremely high levelat a mammoth rate. Once athe criminal is set free from prison, they will reoffenddo the crime again. There are a number of reasons for this. I will discuss this in the followingbelow paragraphs. Firstly, when the criminals are sent to prison, if they become close to criminals who committed seriousnotorious crimes, they will try to follow them. Also, in some jails, the criminals engage in illegal activitiesdo some illegal activities while in prisonby sitting in jail itself. Sometimes, they bring drugs inside the prisoninside the jail premises itself. If the criminals who committed a crime for the first time come into contactfirst time comes in contact with these criminals, they slowly become addicted to drugsbecome drug addicted. This not only disturbs their mindsmind in a negative way as well, but they will not correct themselves once they are released from jail. Secondly, society does not acceptthe society does not accept criminals once they are released. There are cases when even families will distance themselves from criminalsa family will get isolated from criminals. Also, criminals find it very difficult to get jobs. This makes the criminal mentally upsetthe criminal's mental upset and to survivefor the survival, they repeat the crime again and again. In order to solve this problem, the government should take some steps. Firstly, in jail, the system should be made in such a way that, the criminals will not indulge themselves in illegal activities. They should be monitored continuously inside the jail. Also, there should be cultural, spiritual programs organised in jail, so that the criminals’ minds are preparedthe criminals mind gets prepared when they are released. In addition, criminals who are talented in some activitieswell talented in some activities like sports, arts, studies etc, should be encouraged. Convicts should be equipped with some useful skills during the detention period, as this will help them for survival after they are releasedafter they released. One of the examples would be giving training on technical courses like plumbing or mechanical courses (Automobile repairs) or electronic repair courses etc. Thirdly, awareness should be created in the society so that the criminals are treated as normal human being's once they rejoin the society. There should be job opportunities given to the criminals depends on their talent and behaviour. To sum up, in my opinion, prevention is always better than cure. Criminals are like us, they are human beings. Some of them might commit crime due to the fact that situation makes them do. The government should create enough employment opportunities so that no one is unemployed. Also, there should be strict rules made about drug mafia so that no one gets into drug addiction. If the government takes these steps very effectively, we can expect crime free society in the near future.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both the causes of reoffending and a broad range of solutions, with particularly relevant attention to prison influence, social rejection, employment and skills training. Its main limitation is that the long single-block presentation, repetition and frequent language errors make the argument difficult to navigate despite its useful content. The priority is to organise causes and solutions into distinct paragraphs and express each measure in concise, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The causes, solutions and personal view are all addressed through relevant ideas, although some measures are repetitive or insufficiently prioritised.
Select the two strongest causes and match each directly with a clearly explained rehabilitation or reintegration solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
A logical causes-then-solutions sequence is discernible, but the single long paragraph, repetitive linking and inconsistent numbering impair progression.
Create separate paragraphs for prison causes, social causes, prison reform and post-release reintegration, each with one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The topic vocabulary covers imprisonment and rehabilitation, but frequent unnatural combinations and word-form errors substantially reduce precision.
Use standard expressions such as "high crime rate", "reoffend", "become addicted to drugs", "vocational training" and "social reintegration".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, possessives, clause structure and verb forms occur throughout, though the main message remains generally understandable.
Build shorter sentences and check forms such as "first-time offenders come", "after they are released" and "opportunities depend on talent".
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.