Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Nowadays in many countries, the crime rate is at a mammoth rate. Once the criminal is set free from prison, they will do the crime again. There are a number of reasons for this. I will discuss this in the below paragraphs. Firstly, when the criminals are sent to prison, if they become close to criminals who committed notorious crimes, they will try to follow them. Also, in some jails, the criminals do some illegal activities by sitting in jail itself. Sometimes, they bring drugs inside the jail premises itself. If the criminals who committed a crime for the first time comes in contact with these criminals, they slowly become drug addicted. This not only disturbs their mind in a negative way as well, but they will not correct themselves once they are released from jail. Secondly, the society does not accept criminals once they are released. There are cases when even a family will get isolated from criminals. Also, criminals find it very difficult to get jobs. This makes the criminal's mental upset and for the survival, they repeat the crime again and again. In order to solve this problem, the government should take some steps. Firstly, in jail, the system should be made in such a way that, the criminals will not indulge themselves in illegal activities. They should be monitored continuously inside the jail. Also, there should be cultural, spiritual programs organised in jail, so that the criminals mind gets prepared when they are released. In addition, criminals who are well talented in some activities like sports, arts, studies etc, should be encouraged. Convicts should be equipped with some useful skills during the detention period, as this will help them for survival after they released. One of the examples would be giving training on technical courses like plumbing or mechanical courses (Automobile repairs) or electronic repair courses etc. Thirdly, awareness should be created in the society so that the criminals are treated as normal human being's once they rejoin the society. There should be job opportunities given to the criminals depends on their talent and behaviour. To sum up, in my opinion, prevention is always better than cure. Criminals are like us, they are human beings. Some of them might commit crime due to the fact that situation makes them do. The government should create enough employment opportunities so that no one is unemployed. Also, there should be strict rules made about drug mafia so that no one gets into drug addiction. If the government takes these steps very effectively, we can expect crime free society in the near future.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural degree wording Original: at a mammoth rate Suggested revision: at an extremely high level Why it matters: ‘Mammoth rate’ is not a natural collocation for crime prevalence.
- 2. Use indefinite generalisation Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: A general singular countable noun requires the indefinite article.
- 3. Use precise verb Original: do the crime again Suggested revision: reoffend Why it matters: ‘Reoffend’ concisely means committing another crime after release.
- 4. Correct adjective position Original: below Suggested revision: following Why it matters: ‘Below’ does not naturally precede the noun in this expression.
- 5. Use precise crime wording Original: notorious Suggested revision: serious Why it matters: Crimes are conventionally described as serious rather than notorious.
- 6. Correct the collocation Original: do some illegal activities Suggested revision: engage in illegal activities Why it matters: People ‘engage in’ activities rather than ‘do’ them in formal writing.
- 7. Use concise location phrase Original: by sitting in jail itself Suggested revision: while in prison Why it matters: The concise phrase removes the awkward instrumental ‘by’ and redundant reflexive.
- 8. Remove redundancy Original: inside the jail premises itself Suggested revision: inside the prison Why it matters: ‘Inside’, ‘premises’ and ‘itself’ unnecessarily repeat the same location idea.
- 9. Fix agreement and collocation Original: first time comes in contact Suggested revision: first time come into contact Why it matters: The plural subject requires ‘come’, and the fixed phrase is ‘come into contact’.
- 10. Correct adjective phrase Original: become drug addicted Suggested revision: become addicted to drugs Why it matters: The adjective ‘addicted’ takes the preposition ‘to’.
- 11. Match plural offenders Original: mind Suggested revision: minds Why it matters: The plural possessive referent requires the plural noun ‘minds’.
- 12. Remove unnecessary article Original: the society does not accept Suggested revision: society does not accept Why it matters: ‘Society’ is used generally here and does not take ‘the’.
Suggested Rewrites
- at a mammoth rate at an extremely high level
- the a
- do the crime again reoffend
- below following
- notorious serious
- do some illegal activities engage in illegal activities
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response addresses both the causes of reoffending and a broad range of solutions, with particularly relevant attention to prison influence, social rejection, employment and skills training. Its main limitation is that the long single-block presentation, repetition and frequent language errors make the argument difficult to navigate despite its useful content. The priority is to organise causes and solutions into distinct paragraphs and express each measure in concise, grammatically controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The causes, solutions and personal view are all addressed through relevant ideas, although some measures are repetitive or insufficiently prioritised.
Select the two strongest causes and match each directly with a clearly explained rehabilitation or reintegration solution.
Coherence and Cohesion
A logical causes-then-solutions sequence is discernible, but the single long paragraph, repetitive linking and inconsistent numbering impair progression.
Create separate paragraphs for prison causes, social causes, prison reform and post-release reintegration, each with one controlling idea.
Lexical Resource
The topic vocabulary covers imprisonment and rehabilitation, but frequent unnatural combinations and word-form errors substantially reduce precision.
Use standard expressions such as "high crime rate", "reoffend", "become addicted to drugs", "vocational training" and "social reintegration".
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Frequent errors in agreement, articles, possessives, clause structure and verb forms occur throughout, though the main message remains generally understandable.
Build shorter sentences and check forms such as "first-time offenders come", "after they are released" and "opportunities depend on talent".
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.