Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
In today’s worldIn today’s modern world, the crime rate everywherethe crime rate in everywhere around the globe is increasing at an alarming rate. A recent report research has shown that the continual growth in crime rate is significantly due to a large proportion of criminals will re-offend when they are released from prison. It is, therefore, important for us to identify practical waysestablish the practical ways to tackle this problem.
To some extent, I believe that if rehabilitation is provided in prisonif there is rehabilitation being done in jail, the criminals are unlikely to commit crime againthe crime again after they are released from prisonout of the prison. Rehabilitation is crucial and must be carried out in jail to educate them what are the good values and what are the bad. Such rehabilitationThis action will further encourage them to think about what they have done over the years. Once they realise what they did in the past wasare wrong, they will regret their actionsthey will regret and may not re-offend Deletewhatsoever.
Nevertheless, I have developed several ideasbrainstormed and come out with the ideas that could prove usefulcould be proved useful in curbingkerbing this problem. To begin, there should be a change in the crime-related legislation. Those who commit serious crimes should be given a lengthy prison sentencea lengthy sentence to prison so that they have no opportunity to re-offend. Undoubtedly, it will indirectly become a deterrent to would-be offendersthe would-be offender and thus helphelps to reduce the possibility of committingcommit crimes after they are released from jail. In addition, the government should also arrange paid jobsjob to the criminals after they set free from prison, it is owing to the reason that they will not be facing financial hardships. According to a recent study conducted in Malaysia, most of the criminals will re-offend only when they have financial problems.
In conclusion, I believe there are tonnes of ways government can take to cope with this problem and most of the criminals will not commit crimes again if they were given a chance to contribute to society like everyone else do and have a proper job to earn a living.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response presents several relevant solutions and maintains a generally understandable line of argument, especially when discussing rehabilitation and employment. However, it only implies inadequate rehabilitation and financial hardship as causes, so the required explanation of why former prisoners reoffend remains substantially underdeveloped; frequent awkward constructions also reduce precision. The priority is to give a distinct, well-explained causes paragraph and link each cause clearly to a practical solution.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay offers relevant measures such as rehabilitation, longer sentences, and paid work, but gives only limited and indirect explanation of the causes of reoffending.
Develop at least two clear causes of reoffending before explaining how specific measures would address each one.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognizable progression and paragraph structure, though the first body paragraph does not clearly perform its intended role and some links are mechanical.
Organize the essay into distinct causes and solutions paragraphs, using topic sentences that state each paragraph’s function precisely.
Lexical Resource
There is adequate range for the topic, but frequent spelling and collocational problems such as “kerbing” and “arrange paid job” weaken accuracy.
Prioritize accurate crime-related collocations and proofread word forms and spelling before adding more ambitious vocabulary.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex structures are attempted, but recurring errors in clause construction, agreement, articles, and sentence boundaries reduce control.
Revise sentence boundaries and practise accurate subject-verb agreement and passive forms in complex sentences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many criminals commit crimes after they were set free. Research indicates that the people who were convicted criminals would often commit crimes when they are set free. Why is this the case? What can be done to solve this issue? Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.