Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?
Sample Response
Today many games are being played all over the world. Some of them are extremely risky and life threatening. Despite these factsDespite of these facts their popularity is growing and many people are playing such sports professionallygames on a professional level. This essay will identify the reasons why people participate inreasons why people are playing such life threatening games and provide some practical approaches to minimize the risks associated with these sportsthe risk associated with these games.
First of all we need to find out the reason why such dangerous games are becoming so popular. To start with, the major attraction for players is substantial incomegood money that cancould be earned from a single game in just one day. This type of quick money motivates many participantsincreases stimulation among many players to take up sportsadopt games such as boxing, wrestling, and bull riding.boxing, wrestling, bull riding etc. Perhaps, fame and popularity is another compelling reason that encourages people to choose certain games. Furthermore, it is provenits proven that it is human nature to accept challenges and do things differently. Many players love to accept challenges and they want to impress othersastonish the world by their unique talent and skills.
As these games are now being practised worldwidebeing introduced in the world and many people are joining them, it isjoining them it is important to reduce risks by introducing some policies and procedures. For instance, anyone who wants to participate in particular games would not be allowed to play it until he/she deemed hundred per cent competence in required skills and knowledge. Secondly, it is important to require high-quality personal protective equipmentendorse high quality personal protection equipment and training to reduce the risks associated with these sportscombat risk associated with games.
In conclusion, excellent level of policies, procedures and training are an integral partare integral part of treating the risks associated with such games.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both questions and is strongest in its clear division between motivations and risk-reduction measures, with relevant points about money, fame, competence, training, and protective equipment. Its main limitation is uneven development, especially in the solutions paragraph, alongside frequent grammatical and collocational errors. The priority is to explain how each proposed safeguard would work and then proofread systematically for articles, agreement, and verb forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are answered with relevant reasons and safeguards, but the risk-reduction proposals receive limited explanation.
Develop each proposed measure by explaining its practical operation and likely effect on participant safety.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and overall progression are clear, though some linking is formulaic and references are occasionally imprecise.
Use more natural transitions and precise referencing to connect each claim directly to its explanation.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably varied topic vocabulary, but several inaccurate collocations reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace awkward combinations such as adopting games or endorsing equipment with standard sport-and-safety collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, despite recurring errors with articles, agreement, verb forms, and possessives.
Proofread each sentence for complete verb phrases, subject-verb agreement, articles, and apostrophes before submitting.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.