Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?
Sample Response
Today many games are being played all over the world. Some of them are extremely risky and life threatening. Despite these factsDespite of these facts their popularity is growing and many people are participating in such sports professionallyplaying such games on a professional level. This essay will identify the reasons why people are playing such life threatening games and propose some practical measuresprovide some practical approaches to minimize the risks associated with these sportsrisk associated with these games.
First of all, weFirst of all we need to examine the reasonsfind out the reason why such dangerous games are becoming so popular. To start with, the major attraction for players is good money that could be earned from a single game in just one day. This type of quick money increases stimulation among many players to adopt games such as boxing, wrestling, bull riding etc. Perhaps, fame and popularity is another compelling reason that encourages people to take up certain sportschoose certain games. Furthermore, it is generally acceptedits proven that it is human nature to accept challenges and do things differently. Many players enjoy taking on challengeslove to accept challenges and they want to astonish the world by their unique talentstalent and skills.
As these games are now being introduced in the world and many people are joining them it is important to reduce risks by introducing some policies and procedures. For instance, anyone who wants to participate in particular games would not be allowed to play it until he/she deemed hundred per cent competence in required skills and knowledge. Secondly, it is important to requireendorse high quality personal protectiveprotection equipment and training to reduce the risks associated with these sportscombat risk associated with games.
In conclusion, rigorous policiesexcellent level of policies, procedures and training are an integral partare integral part of managingtreating the risks associated with such games.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response addresses both questions clearly and presents a logical set of reasons and risk-reduction measures, with its range of relevant ideas being the strongest feature. However, several solutions remain general, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors reduce precision. The highest priority is to explain how each proposed safety measure would operate while checking sentence structure, articles, agreement, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts are answered with relevant reasons and practical measures, although some supporting explanation remains general.
Develop each safety proposal by explaining who would enforce it and how it would reduce a specific danger.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through reasons and solutions, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Use fewer formulaic sequencing phrases and strengthen the internal connection between each claim and its explanation.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient vocabulary to discuss motivation and safety, but several inaccurate collocations weaken precision.
Replace unnatural combinations such as adopting games or treating risks with standard expressions for participating in sports and managing risks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but errors in articles, agreement, forms, and clause construction recur.
Prioritise accurate clause formation and proofread each sentence for articles, subject-verb agreement, and complete verb phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Large numbers of people participate in sports that are extremely dangerous. Why do you think people do this? How can the risks of participation be minimised?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.