One of the major problems facing the world today is the growing number of refugees. The developed nations in the world should tackle this problem by taking more refugees. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
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Sample Response
Recent political unrest, wars, and the rise of a few terrorist groupsThe recent political unrest, war and the rise of a few terrorist groups have forced many people to become refugeesmade many people become refugees, and this is a global problem. As an immediate solution, many express their view that rich countries should allow more refugeesevacuees to enter their borders to reduce the severity of this crisis. However, rich countries accepting a higher number of refugeesaccepting a higher number of migrants by rich countries is not a viable solution to this refugee crisis, in my opinion.
To begin with, refugees worldwideworldwide refugees and their ongoing sufferingconstant sufferings are often reported on TV. It might seem that industrialised countries can easily resolve this emergency and alleviate this miserysolve this emergency and miseries by allowing more refugees to enter their countries. In reality, this is certainly not an easy solution. If we only look at the few recent catastrophic events that the refugeesmigrant refugees have caused, it would become clear why the governments in developed countries are unwillingunwavering to accept more people to their countries. Besides, historically, it is evident that simply admitting more refugees into other countriesonly granting more refugees to other countries does not solve the problem, in some cases, it deteriorates it.
It is true that, for humanitarian reasonsdue to humanitarian reasons, some developed countries should help people in needdestitute and needy people. This is partly a moral issue and partly because it is in the self-economic interest of the industrialised countries. Considering this, a practical way of reducing the severity of this crisis would be to accept more refugees, particularly when it is caused by natural disasters or civil warsa natural disaster and civil war.
But, from a more practical point of view, mass immigration would havebring more negative effects. Solving the root cause of refugee flowsthe outbreaks of refugees is a far better way than allowing them to migrate freelyallowing them freely migrate to developed countries. On a practical level, homeless refugees are sometimes better off receiving aid in their homeland than suffering racism and begging on the streets in a country where they cannot speak the language.
To conclude, rich countries should take refugees but only in severe cases and should focus on solving the root causes of the refugee crisisthe primary reason behind the refugee issue. Sometimes funding and aid for refugeesfunds and aids for refugees in their local area are far more beneficial than accepting them as migrants and ultimately leaving them to beg in the streetsfinally forcing them to beg on the street.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear, qualified position and maintains it through a logically organised discussion of admission, aid, and root-cause solutions. Its main limitation is that several claims about refugees and their effects are broad or asserted without sufficiently precise support, while some awkward phrasing reduces clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop each central claim with a specific, credible explanation or example and express it through more natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear, nuanced position addresses the question throughout, though some supporting claims are generalised or insufficiently substantiated.
Support the key argument about alternative solutions with specific causal explanation and a credible example rather than broad assertions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through contrasting perspectives, with clear paragraphing and generally effective linking.
Strengthen the connection between the humanitarian concession and the later case for aid by making their roles in the argument more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and often appropriately formal, but several unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as "outbreaks of refugees" and "funds and aids" with natural, context-specific expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally secure control, despite occasional article, complement, and agreement errors.
Check verb patterns and noun forms carefully, especially constructions such as "allow them to migrate" and uncountable "aid".